The sun streams into the kitchen window of Fernando’s small New Haven apartment. His ten green house plants are thriving.
“I’m okay,” he says over the phone, “but I still won’t ride the bus. I have big anxiety on the bus.” When the weather gets cold, traveling to work will be more difficult for him. Fernando (not his real name) has been thinking about how to cope with his commute.
The pandemic has created challenges for Fernando, a CMHC client since 2017. It hasn’t been easy.
A medication change, started in the early spring, didn’t work for him. “My anxiety went through the roof,” he recalls, “I got very germaphobic.”
He was afraid to leave his apartment and found it difficult to go to work. At his workplace, he began cleaning everything with bleach and his hands broke out. Recently, he and his doctor switched his medication again; his anxiety has eased off and he’s feeling somewhat better.
He’s not isolated: in addition to working and coming to CMHC for appointments, he sees his neighbors outside, especially his landlord (“he’s a good guy, he watches out for me”). He keeps up his daily routines of reading the Bible and praying. He goes to church, where he has friends and feels safe (temperatures are checked, masks required).
“It gives me peace,” he says, “knowing I can trust God.”
But the hardest part of the pandemic has been not seeing his sister, nieces, and nephews since March. Of all the things in his life, he most looks forward to spending time with them.
“It’s been tough not to see my family,” he says, echoing the feelings that so many people around the world are having right now. Fernando was born in New Haven and has several siblings and 28 nieces and nephews, spanning in age from 3 to 44 years.
Being an uncle is one of his greatest joys. “It’s kind of like being a father, not full-time but half-time,” he observes. “Your nieces and nephews, they look up to the uncles and aunts, and you’ve got to set an example. I tried to set a good example.”
“When I was younger,” he continues, “I was an alcoholic. They saw me a few times drunk. I quit ten years ago. I quit smoking at the same time. I believe God wanted to help me.”
Fernando talks openly about his mental health with the younger generation of his family.
“I tell them, ‘You know, I used to be an alcoholic and it was because I was very sad and depressed. I tried to live in a make-believe world—trying to believe it’s this way and that.”
People drink to live in a different world or be a different person...it's not good, either.
Fernando, a CMHC Client
He says his make-believe world included “thinking about my happier days, thinking that I’m still young. Listening to my old music, like when I was a teenager. I was kind of stuck there. Not anymore.”
“People drink to live in a different world or be a different person,” he explains. “They’re bold when they’re drinking. They can be timid and shy, but when they start drinking, they become a motor-mouth. They come out of their shell and relax. It’s not good, either.”
As an uncle, he doesn’t hesitate to share his perspective with his nieces and nephews. “I tell them to get their education and everything,” he says. “Do the best they can and stay away from drugs. Drugs will mess up your life.”
“I have talked to them about the sadness,” he continues. “The majority of them know I have depression and anxiety. I can’t hide it. They’re like, ‘Take it easy, uncle.’ They understand. All of them are hard workers. I tell them, ‘Don’t be like I used to be.’”
“Why am I going to be ashamed of it?” Fernando adds. “It’s an illness and I’m getting help for it.”
He says that because he’s honest with them, they are honest with him too.
“They open up—whatever’s on their mind. If you tell them you’re not perfect in any way, then if they make a mistake, they’ll talk about it and not be ashamed.”
To anyone struggling with a mental health problem, Fernando has some advice.
“I would say go to get mental health treatment. It’s helping me. It’s the first thing I would say. Go to Park Street. If you want, I’ll go with you and help you register.”
So far, no one has taken him up on the offer, but you never know. In the meantime, Fernando agrees: let’s hope we’re back at 34 Park Street soon, where we can meet each other face to face in the warm cafeteria, with the sun streaming in.
Thank you to Tim Riera, LCSW for helping with this article.