Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
-Desiderata (Max Ehrmann)
Hi everyone,
I’ve spent the last several days haunted by reports of chaos at my alma mater, Columbia, and other American universities. Wherever you stand on world events, I hope we can agree that when we’re canceling graduation speakers, summoning police to campus, and advising students to leave school for their own protection, we’ve crossed a troubling line.
As three conflicting opinion pieces published this weekend in the New York Times illustrate, it’s hard to get reliable, consistent accounts of the facts. What’s clear, though, is that civil discourse is unraveling when we need it most.
I’m not immune to communication missteps. If I’m not careful, I can dig myself into holes so deep I need search and rescue teams to pull me out. I claim no expertise on the skill of respectful dialogue, but I do feel I can share what I’ve learned from making mistakes and watching experts. In that spirit, I hope you might consider the following:
Know the facts: Beware false narratives and don’t succumb to lies and manipulation, particularly on social media. Be especially wary of information that confirms your prior beliefs. Seek diverse viewpoints and prioritize primary sources.
Make yourself vulnerable: Be prepared to relinquish cherished beliefs, even if doing so makes you feel uncomfortable. Seek out the perspectives and experiences of people whose lives differ from yours.
Listen: Don’t plan your response while others are speaking. If you’re doing that, you’re not listening.
Respond to what people actually say: It’s infuriating when people talk past one another. Try paraphrasing what others say so they feel heard.
Support free speech: Short of abuse and harassment, let people speak. Censorship impoverishes our dialogue and keeps us from learning.
Be humble: We all make mistakes, and we all have blind spots. Sometimes we’ll say the wrong thing. Be open to correction.
Be respectful: Don’t harass, demean, target identity, or resort to violence. Violence of any kind is unacceptable and it will predictably hurt your cause. At the same time, know the difference between discomfort and true danger: throughout history, false accusations of incitement and hatred have been weaponized to silence marginalized groups.
Avoid needless ambiguity: Certain phrases, particularly slogans, mean different things to different people. What you say may not be what people hear. Aim for precision and clarity.
Recognize suffering: Many people are suffering right now, including trainees in our program who have family in danger zones throughout the Middle East. Imagine how hard it is to work every day, knowing the people you love are under attack. Choose your words carefully. Be compassionate.
There will be hurt feelings: Sometimes we’ll cause pain, and sometimes we’ll be hurt ourselves, even when the intent is good. Difficult conversations are emotionally laden, especially when we’re honest. In supportive communities, hurt feelings are usually temporary. Consider them growing pains.
Assume the best: With the rare exceptions of trolls and the truly closed-minded, most people want to solve problems and engage in sincere dialogue, including those on the other side of political and religious divides. Avoid the temptation to condemn or dismiss what someone says because of who they are or seem to represent. Think of others the way you want them to think of you.
Build relationships: In most cases, it’s more important to build relationships than win arguments. Thank people for engaging with you, even when you disagree. Plan to follow up.
Be patient: We are surrounded by people of good faith. We all make mistakes. Be patient as you gently correct and give people space and time to think things through.
Pursue consensus: Speak your truth clearly and respectfully. Keep it simple. The goal is to seek truth.
Know when to walk away: Some conversations revolve in circles while others devolve into destructive rage and personal attacks. When that happens, it’s time to stop, hopefully with a plan to resume the conversation when the temperature cools.
Capitalize on your expertise: We are doctors, and we are experts on human health, so don’t be dissuaded by those who tell you to “stay in your lane.” It’s legitimate to share what you know about the medical impact of gun violence, systemic racism, homelessness, food insecurity, and warfare.
Speak up: As doctors, we have the power to promote health and combat suffering. While it can be tempting to stay silent, particularly in the face of painful, difficult issues, we can’t do that. Our voices matter. Be an advocate.
Prioritize our patients. Our core responsibility is to our patients and to learning medicine. Our patients are vulnerable, and they depend on us. They see us and hear us. Be professional and respectful in all settings and at all times.
Actions speak louder than words: We accomplish more with the work we do than with anything we say. Treat others as you wish to be treated yourselves. Be kind, be generous, be forgiving. That’s the path to peace.
In this troubled world, I’m grateful to serve a residency community that values respectful dialogue as we strive to promote health, human flourishing, and peace. Thank you for teaching me.
Wishing everyone a peaceful Sunday and a Happy Passover to all who celebrate. We will be traveling to Philadelphia on Tuesday to celebrate the Seder with family.
Mark
P.S. What I’m reading:
- The Most Important Thing I Teach My Students Isn’t on the Syllabus
- I’m a Black Feminist. I Think Call-Out Culture Is Toxic. There are better ways of doing social justice work.
- The Woodward Report: Report of the Committee on Freedom of Expression at Yale
- How War Kills: The Overlooked Threats to our Health (Yara M. Asi, PhD)
- An Utterly Misleading Book About Rural America
- #ThisIsOurLane — Firearm Safety as Health Care’s Highway
- Passover’s Radical Message Is More Vital Than Ever