Child Study Center Grand Rounds 05.11.21

June 08, 2021

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Max Ritvo Annual Grand Rounds: "Letters to Max"

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00:00Doctor Reva Ariella Ritvo is a colleague of
00:03professional colleague and psychology who has
00:06dedicated her professional life to autism.
00:09So she's one of us is a professional.
00:13She lives in California and in New York,
00:16but she's very connected with us,
00:18so geography, even before zoom
00:20was a relative term to Ari,
00:22who has been incredibly connected with us.
00:25But in addition to being a professional,
00:29Arias is a mother and.
00:33Of her three children,
00:34I've had the privilege of
00:36getting to know them all,
00:38but I was especially closed with
00:41her youngest with Max Ritvo.
00:43I happen to have a Max of my own maximum
00:47garden and the two maxes became fast friends.
00:51So it's very personal at that level.
00:55My dear Lori Cardona,
00:56who I see somewhere there also
00:59knows that this is very personal,
01:01because for many years we have
01:03worked together at the interface
01:05of Pediatrics in general,
01:07and particularly among college be cancer.
01:09Working around this area of pediatric
01:11oncology and the interface between children's
01:14mental health and their physical health.
01:16And much of this work that
01:18has supported myself, Lori,
01:20and many others has been through
01:22the generosity of Ariella and
01:25this beautiful gift.
01:26Now hurry up.
01:30As you probably know from
01:32the title of the talk.
01:34From the book already had the
01:38unbelievable loss of Max now.
01:41Some years ago was a tragic loss of a
01:45of a man of the flower of his youth.
01:49Of his promise,
01:50Max has since published three,
01:52maybe four.
01:53I lose count posthumous books of
01:56poetry he for graduating from Yale.
01:59He went to the.
02:02Poetry program at Columbia University.
02:04He was mentored by great poets
02:06and in fact his mentor here at
02:09Yale was no other than the 2020
02:12Nobel laureate Louise Gluck.
02:15With him he was very,
02:17very close and you know it
02:19takes a talent to be a mentor,
02:22but it particularly takes a
02:24talent formenti to find a mentor
02:26and to find the best mentors.
02:29And by that metric Max Ritvo was the
02:32best minty ever because he found,
02:34you know, Louise Gluck, Nobel laureate,
02:37and he found the great Sarah role play right?
02:40And that's what brings us here together.
02:44When Max was a young up and coming
02:47freshman coming from California here at Yale,
02:50he reached out to Sarah Ruhl.
02:53She'll tell you the rest of the story,
02:56but he chased her.
02:58He found her.
02:59He insinuated, would be too kind of a word.
03:02He he twisted her arm into getting into
03:05her class and a beautiful friendship started,
03:08and some of their emails and some of
03:12their letters and some other back and forth.
03:15That are so wonderfully irreverent,
03:17because when you think of the
03:19adjectives to describe Max, Ritvo,
03:21irreverent, whimsical, brilliant,
03:22funny, so, many words come to mind.
03:24But irreverent was one of them.
03:26You know,
03:27he took no from no one,
03:29and certainly no Sarah rules.
03:30Keep him was going to keep him out of his
03:34class. So that was the beginning of a
03:37beautiful friendship and you will see today
03:39and you will hear today what that was about.
03:42And I like the last thing that I will
03:46say is this. A psychiatrist no one
03:48really knows what it is that we do.
03:51You know, we go into a room.
03:54We do some mumbo jumbo and
03:56patients hopefully get better.
03:57No one really knows what happens in
04:00that room and I like to think that
04:03what we need to do better is to tell more.
04:06And, you know, tell lesson show more.
04:09Show us, don't tell us right?
04:12And in that spirit, I think that Sarah rule.
04:15I suspect she's not going to give
04:18you a lecture on Dramaturgy 101.
04:21I don't think she's going to.
04:23Tell you I think she's gonna show you.
04:26So let me introduce and welcome Sarah Ruhl.
04:28We're so privileged to have you here and
04:31Sarah the last thing before I turn it
04:34over is that I have muted all of you.
04:37So Sarah and Zane.
04:38If you could please unmute yourselves
04:40and for the rest of us I'm going to
04:43ask something that I never asked.
04:45But this is very very, very different.
04:47Grand Rounds today,
04:48isn't it?
04:49And I'm going to ask all of you
04:52to please turn your cameras off.
04:54I will let you know when you can
04:56turn them back on again,
04:58but for now I ask that you all
04:59please turn turn your cameras off.
05:05Hi everybody, I'm so hold on
05:08a second Sarah Robin Dorothy.
05:10Please turn your camera on Barbara
05:12Nordhouse. I'm so delighted to
05:14see you but I'm going to ask you
05:17to please turn your camera off.
05:20I love you the enforcer. I am Robin.
05:23Just click on the little camera Dorothy.
05:25You can do it.
05:27Bottom left start video stop video.
05:35OK, Sarah and Zane take it away.
05:37OK, thank you so much
05:39Andreas and thank you for setting
05:41this up and for having me.
05:44I'm really honored to be
05:45here and really want to.
05:47Thank Ari who's become such a dear
05:50friend for for having me and for
05:52all the incredible advocacy she
05:54does for Wellness for mental health.
05:57For peace in this world.
06:00Thanks everyone for coming friends family.
06:02My husband people I don't know yet.
06:04I'm really thank using for
06:06being my scene partner today.
06:08I'm not an actor so it's especially
06:10nice of you to act with me.
06:15And Max, I want to thank you.
06:17Most of all we started this project
06:19together and your books are here
06:21with me today on my little couch
06:24and you're here today in spirit.
06:26It seemed fitting to share with you all
06:28as a first audience display in progress.
06:31That's an adaptation of the
06:33letters between me and Max.
06:34I feel like this series really celebrates the
06:37healing power of art and the medicine of art,
06:40which is a divine compliment
06:42to the art of medicine,
06:44and it's in that spirit that I share
06:46this work in progress with you.
06:48So we're going to read an excerpt of Act One.
06:52I'm not an actor,
06:53but I'm playing myself.
06:55I think that's OK.
06:56Uh, I'm reading stage directions to
06:59Zane will be reading the voice of Max.
07:02A man without further ado
07:06letters from Max a play.
07:09Quote even present tense has
07:11some of the grace of past tense,
07:13what with all the present tense left to go.
07:17Max Rick, Phil.
07:19Set an empty space not unlike a
07:22classroom with Gothic windows and
07:24a big chalkboard and a rollaway.
07:26Ping pong table microphones are
07:28scattered throughout the stage.
07:30People Sarah,
07:30a teacher who becomes a student,
07:33Max, a student who becomes a teacher.
07:36One Max began is my student.
07:38This is how he began his application to
07:40get into my playwriting class at Yale.
07:44Your professor rule.
07:45Thanks for reading this application.
07:47My name is Max Ritvo.
07:48I'm a senior English major in the
07:51creative writing concentration.
07:52All I want to do is right.
07:54He said that he was a poet and a comedian.
07:58Part of an experimental comedy troupe,
08:00a poet. And he's funny.
08:01I thought I've always thought
08:03poets make natural playwrights,
08:04though I've always been
08:05secretive about my own poetry,
08:07squirreled away into my desk.
08:08So I reread his application,
08:10which had been left to Stew in the no pile,
08:13because he'd never written a play before.
08:15Because funny poets are my
08:17favorite kind of human being.
08:18I put Max in the yes pile.
08:21It's hard to imagine now
08:22that Max is application.
08:24Could have remained at any other pile.
08:27Max walked into my first class and it was
08:29as though an ancient lightbulb hovered
08:31over his head, illuminating the room.
08:33Who is this boy?
08:34I wondered.
08:35He seemed to have read everything,
08:37but had the air of a playful child.
08:39The first note I received from
08:41Max in my inbox began like this.
08:43Dear Professor rule,
08:44I am writing because before I had even
08:46realized this wonderful class existed,
08:48I book tickets for Einstein on
08:50the beach at the Brooklyn Academy
08:51of Music for this coming Friday.
08:53Little did he know that I
08:55had longed to see Einstein on the beach,
08:57but it was sold out.
08:59Nothing could have been more
09:00delightful to me than a student.
09:02By the foresight to book
09:03tickets to a difficult avant
09:05garde theatrical epic, I am so
09:07so sorry that might have permission to
09:09miss class. Yes, you must be Einstein
09:11on the beach as long as you write a
09:13short report, no more than five minutes.
09:15On the experience of seeing the show,
09:17maybe you can join us for
09:18the first part of class,
09:20then hightail it to Brooklyn.
09:22Sarah. It took two letters to drop
09:25the institutional formalities.
09:27The show starts at 7.
09:29I'm worried if I leave later I won't
09:30have time to properly get through
09:32Grand Central to eat something.
09:34The show is 4 hours long and I have
09:36to eat in a really regimented way
09:38to keep my weight up as a result
09:41of the chemotherapy I had in
09:42high school. More on that some other time.
09:45I now had part of my answers to why Max
09:47was different from the other students.
09:49Why beyond being a poet,
09:51he'd already contemplated the
09:52big metaphysical questions
09:53and why he was so skinny.
09:54Max delivered an insightful and detailed
09:56sermon to the class on Phillip Glass.
09:58Over Wilson and
09:59then a great tower of light descends. He
10:02was to spoken for five minutes.
10:03He spoke for about an hour
10:05without this metaphysical cage
10:06appears a bright young woman in class
10:09was horrified that a man was
10:10taking up an hour of her
10:12class with Phillip Glass.
10:14She would soon become
10:15one of his best friends.
10:17I would really love to take you up on your
10:19offer of some post graduating advice.
10:21What days are you in New Haven and
10:23when would it be convenient for
10:24you to be in this age for half an
10:26hour? They eat soup.
10:27We ate black bean soup with the
10:30local bookstore cafe Atticus
10:31Max 8 slowly and explain that
10:34in high school he had Ewing,
10:36sarcoma and the chemotherapy
10:37had made his digestion iffy.
10:40He finished three spoonfuls of soup and
10:42spoke about his dreams of becoming a poet,
10:45resting here and there to speak
10:47about the trials of love.
10:49A girl was probably plaguing him.
10:52A girl was often
10:53plaguing him. My romantic life is falling
10:56apart. The semester war on with more
10:58delicious Lee coined phrases from
11:00Max in class like theatrical onanism
11:02and lyric complicity, and more
11:04of the same. Leaves falling
11:07on the same Gothic campus.
11:09Dennis addressed to me and
11:11the teaching assistant Amelia.
11:14Dearest Sarah and Amelia,
11:15I write with sad news.
11:17Today was my cancer screening day and an
11:19artifact was discovered in my right chest.
11:22We are waiting for more
11:23testing and surgical biopsy,
11:25but it's possible that this
11:26is a recurrence of my cancer.
11:28I have every intention of
11:30carrying on with my work.
11:32I just wanted to forewarn you that there
11:35might be some difficulties on the horizon.
11:38I can't say how much you both come to me
11:40to me in my short time learning from you.
11:42If nothing else,
11:43maybe will squeeze a great play out of
11:45whatever comes with this gratefully Max.
11:48A hurricane was about to arrive
11:50in New York City and Max was
11:52about to go into surgery. 2.
11:55Dear Sarah, I go into surgery
11:57in five or six hours.
11:59Wish me luck as they cut me and fill me
12:02with opium and hand down the unappealable.
12:05Verdict I will get everything,
12:06perhaps just not in a timely fashion.
12:09The idea of my one act is daunting.
12:12I might want to do a cancer one
12:14act and I might want very much
12:16not to do a cancer one act.
12:19In the meantime,
12:20I thought you might enjoy a few poems
12:22I'm working on proof of fecundity.
12:25If unsoundness of mind,
12:26any comments would be deeply appreciated.
12:28I'm clinging more and more to my writing,
12:31as my panic is increasing.
12:33Music Max goes to a microphone
12:35and read the phone. Scan.
12:40Lie flat comes the command
12:43from a voice UN singing.
12:45The voice starts to weep.
12:47And I blow it kisses.
12:50Dear Max, I loved your poems.
12:52You have such a beautiful
12:54singing ear and such a mind.
12:56I'm terribly sorry about what seems
12:58to be the news of the artifacts.
13:01I'm assuming your email
13:02means you're out of surgery.
13:03That is a comfort,
13:04and I hope you're resting and
13:06recuperating from the invasion.
13:09Sarah, I can't tell you how
13:11much your note means to me.
13:13Today was mostly breathing exercises
13:15and limping and coming off of the
13:17opiates strange dreams with lots
13:19of focus on the skin texture.
13:21My uncle has flown in from Israel.
13:24He gave me some acupuncture,
13:25which unblocked a very preverbal
13:27chunk of fear and rage.
13:29I felt like I was a prophet,
13:31channeling my tumor.
13:32It would be great if you're in New
13:35York if you visited the hospital,
13:37that would mean a lot to me.
13:38Bring me a book and inscribe it.
13:41Reading is good.
13:42Writing is about all I have.
13:45Mac.
13:46Dear Max, you must feel a little like job
13:49stuck in the hospital during a hurricane.
13:51Like come on, what gives in a hurricane two?
13:54I'm supposed to be in rehearsals in
13:56New Haven for my play dear Elizabeth.
13:58And instead of madly baking at home.
14:00Luckily we have power and creating
14:02apartment wide scavenger hunts
14:03to entertain the children.
14:05Sarah, I miss you in the class.
14:08Seeing you Tuesday would be wonderful.
14:10It would probably be nice to spare you the
14:13childhood chemo ward which is horrific
14:15and the least functional part of my day
14:18and see you in the afternoon. You are
14:21such a specific helpfulness in my life.
14:23I don't know what I'd do without you, Max.
14:26Sarah visits Max. I brought a noodle kugel.
14:31Bet you're such a Midwestern boy.
14:33How do you know how to make Google?
14:37It's good, it's good enough
14:39to pass the muster of my
14:41Israeli mother. Max's mother
14:43was beautiful and charismatic,
14:44and she'd been through hell.
14:46A shift Max was still very much my student.
14:49I gave him notes like
14:51but that speech in iambic
14:53pentameter Max ended
14:54in his play at the end of
14:56the semester. I am adamant that something
14:58extravagant and silent happened. Something
15:00extravagant and silent happens.
15:01His play begins at an altar.
15:03A sick boy goes to get a tattoo and a
15:06tattoo artist is something of an analyst
15:09and the boy and the tattoo artist.
15:11Beacon iambic pentameter.
15:12The boy says to the tattoo artist so I
15:15have brought inside my little pouch.
15:17A little draft of a hokusei crane. Max
15:20got a bird tattoo after every surgery.
15:23Each bird inspired by different artists
15:25that tattoo artist finishes and
15:27picks the boy up very gently like
15:29an Angel helping another Angel,
15:31she offers him a compact
15:33mirror gently like an Angel,
15:35offering a compact mirror to another Angel.
15:38He smiles and begins to check it out.
15:40Then the boy says. It's dope,
15:43I really love it in this light. Musica
15:46shift I have very little memory
15:48of that winter or spring.
15:50I was teaching and checking my
15:52children's temperature often.
15:53They always seem to have a cold.
15:55When the pediatrician saw me,
15:56she just laughed because I arrived at
15:58her doorstep every other day or so.
16:00I don't know if my friendship with
16:02Max was an extension of my mothering
16:04or released from it, or both.
16:06That March, a group missive from Max.
16:09Leak news though.
16:11No immediate death sentence impending.
16:14My tumors remain unchanged
16:15despite the new chemo.
16:16My lungs have been to a radiated
16:18due to my first cancer.
16:20For a second attempt,
16:21surgery also doesn't seem to be
16:23a likely option given the sub
16:25centimeter size of my tumors there
16:27deep in gym and in my lungs and
16:29the slipperiness viewing cells,
16:31it's more likely that I will
16:33embark on a clinical trial hoping
16:35that an experimental vaccine
16:36therapy treatment at the NIH will
16:38be able to give me a clean scan.
16:40These trials are trials because they
16:42are promising and they are trials
16:44because they are not proven science.
16:47I will be on the periphery of medicine.
16:50Empiricists like Dad,
16:51love the sentiment that man's reach
16:54should always exceed his grasp.
16:56My body is being fanned and fumble
16:58to by the gloved fingertips.
17:00I hope they can get a grip on me,
17:02but I can't say the odds are very good.
17:06A shift. You're Sarah. I am very sad.
17:10Good Friday closed my New Haven
17:12Chemo Hospital and I will have
17:14to trek to New York this weekend.
17:15Will you be in New York then?
17:17I am waiting for the arrival of the book.
17:19I wanted to give you.
17:21You are the best gift to have delivered
17:24in person. And I have good news.
17:26I got into the Columbia MFA we my
17:28mother has even discussed the prospect
17:30of me doing chemo alone in New York
17:33and giving me some salvage takanami
17:35even if I'm on these demon drugs.
17:37Max move back to California this
17:39summer to his mother's house
17:40so she could take care of him
17:43and so he could get treatment.
17:46I owe you a call.
17:47Its surface is in my mind every day,
17:49but I'm usually only lucid enough
17:51to follow through with something
17:53like that at night and you're a mom.
17:55We need to sleep.
17:56Crisis single on a lot of fronts.
17:59Chemo over no change in tumors.
18:01This means what the hell is
18:03going to happen to me with
18:04this experimental cocktail?
18:06They're going to inject into me? I'm
18:09so sorry that the chemo
18:11hasn't appeared to shrink
18:12the tumors yet.
18:14General feelings of anxiety have
18:16disconnected me a lot from our.
18:18Starting to worry that my poetry
18:20work is indulgent and insulated.
18:22Don't worry if your
18:23poetry feels insulated or indulgent.
18:25Poetry by nature isn't
18:26insulated and indulgent.
18:27Only some small degree of emotional
18:29restraint keeps it from being indulgent
18:31and some small degree of sharing it with
18:34others keeps it from being insulated.
18:36Also, don't worry if you're not writing,
18:38you have plenty to contend with
18:40in the moment and the rating
18:43will come when it needs to.
18:46I've been living with my parents all summer.
18:48I'm terrified of getting back
18:49on the horse of living alone,
18:51especially considering how
18:52supportive my parents have been.
18:54I also really, really want to live alone.
18:57I don't think I'm capable of functioning
18:59properly without a not mom woman in my life.
19:02Not mom. Woman is a blue set by the way.
19:06This isn't a good thing, but it's a fact.
19:09There are some potential romantic prospects,
19:11one of which makes me really helpful,
19:13but I don't want to need and not mom woman.
19:16I want to just want a not mom woman that made
19:20me laugh. I would say
19:22living alone is overrated.
19:23Personally I hate it.
19:24I only like living alone from
19:279:00 to 5:00 PM at five.
19:28I'm very happy to have a mom
19:30around or a mom substitute.
19:33That calms me down a little.
19:35It might be OK to need somebody.
19:38Your play continues to ripple in me.
19:41Attached find a poem stirred up by it.
19:43Max goes to a microphone to read.
19:47Refuge for Sarah.
19:52Rain falls on the House.
19:55My mother dries dishes in
19:57the dark house in the rain.
19:59I'm your little dish.
20:01I tell her, even though I ought to be a man.
20:04You're a big dish.
20:06You mean, I'm very wet.
20:09I haven't seen much and don't see
20:11much the jungle of my short life is
20:14one row of white straight naked trees.
20:17The vines are white and fall apart
20:19in my hands as if dissolved under the tongue.
20:23Every living thing is screaming dust.
20:27To imagine a heaven is to admit there
20:29are things in this world you think you
20:31could never bring yourself to love.
20:33Even given an unlimited number of attempts.
20:37Learn to love everything the world
20:39becomes heaven. That sounds hard.
20:41I have a better idea.
20:43Ask the soap.
20:44I tell you now unhappily knitted to bravery,
20:48that all you must do is hate
20:50yourself round and round and in hand
20:53foaming mouth open rainbow bubbles,
20:55dashing open.
20:56Hate yourself more than any other thing.
20:59You have made heaven.
21:02I love your poem.
21:05I want to ask you about your process.
21:08You produce things that are so alive
21:10and flexible and bamboo like. I don't
21:12know much about my process
21:15except that it involves tea.
21:16That summer we went to California
21:18to see Tony's family Max,
21:20and I plan to go to the Ferris wheel in
21:22Santa Monica, but Max was very sick.
21:24We all had lunch Max.
21:26My husband Tony and my three kids.
21:28That was the summer I was
21:29teaching my twins to swim.
21:31Dear Max, I was so happy to see you.
21:33I wrote a poem for you while I was filling
21:36the bathtub with water and when I finished,
21:38the water had almost overflowed
21:40but it didn't.
21:40It is attached the poem, not the bath water.
21:44Sarah goes to the microphone and reads.
21:46Maybe a forest appears on the walls.
21:49For Max was. Thanks to Maurice Sendak.
21:53That no wild thing.
21:55Annual boy Max.
21:56One night in your room or body.
21:59A forest grew and the walls are cells
22:02became transparent because brightness
22:04invites transparency I guess.
22:06Then a little boat to hospital smells
22:09doctors called the forest cancer,
22:11not obscuring leaves,
22:12and you a boy.
22:14You say?
22:15Why can't people use the word
22:17courage instead of something
22:19vulgar and idiomatic about manhood?
22:21Courage, I say is you Max and your wild
22:24suit or small boat and terrible forest.
22:27A man overnight.
22:28No boy could ever scale those walls.
22:31You come home and dinner
22:33is waiting still waiting.
22:34I hope still warm and today
22:36my small boy learn to swim.
22:39He said the water held me Mama had held me.
22:44Speechless. Love Max speech. This
22:47could mean one of two things, no, no
22:50no no speechless only in
22:51the direction that it is.
22:53One of the more moving things
22:55to happen to me in awhile.
22:58You discern me, honor me.
23:01I. Just can't just.
23:03After told the poem up 3 Max moves to
23:08New York or where to get a good
23:10pancake in this dump of the city,
23:12the trappings of the classroom disappear.
23:14The ping pong table and the chalkboard
23:17remain welcome to New York.
23:18I know you like Halloween.
23:20We're having a Halloween party.
23:21If you want to hang out with kids
23:24and see spooky movies who Hallowe'en,
23:26William will be dressed as Peter Pan.
23:29I want to see that, but my white
23:31count is too low. Right now
23:32I'm playing hanky panky
23:33with the kids right now.
23:35What is hanky panky arriman
23:36game? You don't know it.
23:39No, OK, what does
23:40the hanky panky for a mean for this
23:44three syllables? Sinister minister yes
23:47what is hanky panky for
23:51infinite rainbow guitar pick.
23:54I have no idea spectrum plectrum.
23:58How did it go to read your Poetry Out
24:01Loud last night? It was good.
24:03It was nice. I was grateful they asked me.
24:07But one poet read a poem and I said it's
24:10funny I can't quite hear what you're saying.
24:12Trying to get across because
24:14of the static in your poem.
24:16And she said, I'm not trying
24:17to get anything across.
24:18I don't want you to get anything.
24:21I think that's sad.
24:22Yes, it is sad as she is trying
24:24to make language for vert in on
24:26itself so it doesn't communicate
24:27anything if it can sign said the
24:30only thing that is left is silence.
24:32And I think what he left out is
24:34that the only thing left is love.
24:37Do you think love is silence?
24:39No, I don't think so.
24:41I think love is relational and I think
24:43to understand the concept of love,
24:45we always understand the idea that the
24:48person we love is trying to love us.
24:50So we understand intention.
24:52So I think there is this relational
24:54pocket of love that but didn't sign is
24:57missing. Like if you drop Martin Buber
24:59and his I vow inside postmodernism yes
25:01but I don't know if you can put
25:03Buber inside of Wittgenstein. When
25:05I was your age I walked into
25:07my professors office and said I
25:09don't believe in postmodernism or
25:11deconstruction and she said what
25:13if you read about it and I was like
25:15this one book terrable irrigant but I
25:17still don't believe in postmodernism.
25:19You don't do you?
25:21I do postmodernism devours everything,
25:22it eats everything it.
25:24It acknowledges the void,
25:25it has an appetite, but no stomach.
25:28But it can be playful and loving.
25:30It can say here is a coin from behind my ear.
25:34Here is a pine cone from behind my ear.
25:37Not here is a dialectic. OK, so
25:39it's a victory of smallness
25:41against self importance, yes,
25:42but it's so self important
25:44it can be. You're saying it's
25:46against the totalizing impulsive,
25:47say, cazabon's key to all the
25:49mysteries in Middlemarch.
25:51I haven't read Middlemarch. I'm a
25:53literate. Well, you're hardly
25:54illiterate. My friend thought
25:55Middlemarch was about bunnies.
25:56That's Watership down, yes, yes.
26:01But I think it all goes back to the
26:03Holocaust and how we deal with the
26:05void and still be a joyous mammal.
26:07What can we affirm in the face of the void?
26:10But the problem is Heidegger and his
26:12cronies were not to sympathizers so they
26:14can avoid out history. And that's very
26:16convenient. But how do we deal
26:18with the void and meaninglessness?
26:20My two favorite songs are
26:22Nat King Cole's smile.
26:23While your heart is breaking.
26:25And girls just want to have fun.
26:27Do you think girls
26:27just want to have fun? Is a sad song or a
26:30happy song? Exactly.
26:34Spell chefs. I'm at Sloan
26:37Kettering waiting. I am on a train
26:39going past a lot of water in Connecticut.
26:42Does Connecticut need to be this big? We
26:44are the land of space in America.
26:46I have a king sized bed.
26:48I have white sheets on it so
26:49it looks even more fathomless.
26:51It's like sleeping on Moby Dick.
26:53How many pools of water? So many
26:55empty seats, commuters and
26:56marches are both mostly water. I
26:57had to sit next to this
26:59woman whose purse was on
27:00her seat and she seemed affronted and
27:02allow that I might sit on the second seat.
27:05But her sign made me feel would be
27:07a long car ride, so I opted to sit
27:10next to a kind gentleman instead.
27:12Sorry that Lady was so nasty.
27:14If she were a March and you were a
27:17mosquito, she would have welcomed you.
27:18The desire of people to protect their
27:20adjacent seats with purses reminds
27:22me of American privilege in general.
27:24This unspoken rule that the rich
27:25want an empty seat, a buffer between
27:27them and the rest of the world.
27:29And if you violate this unspoken rule,
27:31you get an affronted,
27:32sigh and an unpleasant ride.
27:35I think you're brave for telling
27:36her to keep her empty seat. This
27:38time on the Amtrak quiet car,
27:40like my fairy godmother.
27:42Is it godfather Ish because it transforms
27:44into a magically civilized place?
27:45Maybe death is an Amtrak quiet car.
27:47Then we'd both be right. In a way, yes. But
27:50will we know anyone on the
27:52car and who is the conductor?
27:54No, I think you don't know anyone,
27:57but there are familiar dinner rolls
27:59and the conductor is a reticent,
28:02beautiful Steve Jobs for their books.
28:05I think when you die you are a book,
28:08so you can't read any other books.
28:11Sending you a poem. An automated
28:14recording from a hospital near you.
28:17An X ray of your soul shows a general
28:20radiance while the scan of your
28:22breast shows only poetry waiting
28:24on the biopsy of your imagination.
28:26But we suspect it cannot be contained.
28:28Your body cannot contain you.
28:30You're way too wide for that.
28:32And if there is a Jewish heaven,
28:35it is here on Earth on 13th St.
28:37You shouting poetry in a
28:40crowded room circling.
28:41And wearing a pink kimono.
28:44A shift Sarah visits Max about soup. Of
28:47course you did. Soup is your religion soup
28:50and never lets you down. And unlike
28:52priests soup never molest children.
28:55Your laugh makes my scar hurt.
28:58Yelling good thing about the surgery was
29:01psychotic services and high holidays.
29:03I left the doctor enough to that effect,
29:05it told you not to make me laugh.
29:08I didn't make you laugh.
29:10You made me laugh.
29:12You yes they need some.
29:16Why do you love soup so much?
29:19Is it because soup is the food that
29:21most allows your mouth to approximate?
29:23Silence chewing is so very similar to speech.
29:25Yes, and there's a
29:26distillation process of making soup
29:28knowing that you were eating something
29:30distilled by time and patient human beings.
29:32And soup comes in bowls and I love bowls.
29:34And then there's the fact that I
29:36fell in love with my husband at my
29:39birthday party when I turned 26.
29:41I was having a soup party.
29:43I offered five different soups
29:44for dinner to my dream meal.
29:46There was roasted tomato soup.
29:47And Tony made Indonesian peanut Curry soup,
29:49which is the soup of love at the soup party.
29:52I was so happy and Tony put candles in
29:54my cake and carried the cake out to me,
29:57all lit up and that was the night we
29:59fell in love and ever since then I have
30:02enjoyed my birthday and if I ever run
30:04for office my slogan would be consider soup.
30:07We should have stayed soups
30:09instead of state flowers.
30:10Massachusetts would have clam chowder,
30:12Texas tortilla soup, matzo ball soup,
30:14New York, Illinois could
30:15have the Lipton soup secrets.
30:17I could go on forever.
30:20I was thinking about soup
30:22while I was having radiation,
30:23which has a very just for you feeling to it.
30:27They make a mold of your body that
30:29you lay it during every treatment.
30:31So you literally not your
30:33rib cage into the machine.
30:35Two or three attendants lay sheets
30:38over you and position your body
30:40lovingly every time and and the beam
30:43gun is hooked up to this enormous
30:46garage door frame and hulking
30:48masses of metal were around to get
30:50this little blue cylinder pointed.
30:53Exactly Goldilocks at your tumor,
30:55but most heartbreakingly heartbreakingly
30:57beautiful just for you thing is the sound
31:01the machine makes when the beam is emitted.
31:04Sarah, it sounds exactly like a
31:07tiny man with a tremor is opening
31:09up a can of soup inside the gun.
31:12There's an almost liquid echo.
31:13Once he opens the soup as the beam goes in.
31:17I swear I almost cried the first time
31:19I heard the little soup opening.
31:21It was the least likely place in the
31:23world to find someone tending to soup.
31:26And there it all was.
31:28Soups taste is also unlike the
31:30harsh specifics of language.
31:32If eating salad is like having to recite
31:34Gilbert and Sullivan's modern Major General,
31:37then eating soup is like just having to hum
31:41the first few bars of old King Wenceslas.
31:44Nina Simone Song little Girl Blue
31:46opens with a really graceful
31:47and sad rendition of Alton.
31:49Went to sauce and it feels wholly.
31:52Holy is soup.
31:54Nina
31:54Simone's little girl blue plays a
31:56soup ritual. Max and Sarah ladle.
31:58Some soup and a small cups passing it
32:01out to the audience's soup, communion.
32:03Or maybe this will not happen.
32:05Post pandemic, the Nina
32:07Simone song ends a shift.
32:10I want to see you lunch brunch,
32:12where to get a good pancake
32:14in this dump of the city
32:16at the Iris Cafe? How is your 23rd birthday
32:19great? Me and my new poet friend
32:23Elizabeth sang karaoke. Whole new world.
32:26A dazzling place I never knew.
32:31So I took refuge in Buddhism
32:33with a Himalayan trekking.
32:35None really. Puzzle.
32:37I'd like to read a poem for you and the
32:40restaurant, sure. OK you you should.
32:43You should rise to receive the poem.
32:45Really. Yes, I think I know
32:47that person in the corner.
32:49Yeah Are you ready?
32:50I'm ready. The color of death.
32:54Is purple because death is more, not less.
32:58Mirrors go purple when they die.
33:01I raised a mirror from
33:03when she was a liquid baby.
33:05I bought her a glass yoyo when she
33:08was six called her little treasure.
33:10She blossomed into a buxom mirror.
33:12I braided her many sickle shaped hairs
33:15on the night of mirror prom so she
33:18wouldn't look like a tacky disco ball.
33:20This is where the story gets factual.
33:23She meets a beautiful boy at prom,
33:26a spry frizzy pipecleaner me from
33:28another dimension set earlier,
33:30and the long salt of grief.
33:33He walked the dog,
33:35then they went around the world.
33:37Then they slept. He'll talk.
33:39Now would you like to talk?
33:42Hi, we drank Chardonnay White brand
33:43a wine so dumb you basically eat it.
33:46I cleaned her pipes very slowly so she
33:49could breathe in time to the beach
33:51is staying alive. She went purple.
33:55Death is not a purple word.
33:57D is a purple letter, so RE&ANT&H,
34:00but death is not a purple word.
34:04With death something goes wrong
34:06somewhere we begin to share it and cry.
34:09And crying is never purple.
34:12Wow wow, thank you, but did you like it?
34:14Yes it was a wine so dumb you basically it
34:17is such a great line you didn't like it.
34:19No, I loved it. It's just what I was.
34:21Maybe a little embarrassed to
34:23have it recited to me out loud
34:24in the middle of the restaurant.
34:28But I embarrassed you.
34:30No, that's why I'm not
34:31embarrassed. I'm sorry I would never want
34:33to embarrass you. I my Midwestern so
34:36can only bear so much attention in
34:38a small restaurant. I have known.
34:39Damn it I. Elizabeth Bishop once
34:43wrote to Robert Lowell.
34:44I think one weeps over two kinds
34:45of embarrassment, and this is so
34:47embarrassing in the right way.
34:48One wants to read it without
34:50really looking at it directly.
34:51That's the kind of embarrassing I mean.
34:54******** you're totally
34:55mortified, I can tell.
34:57Perhaps it's worth mentioning here that I
34:59come from a people in Midwestern Catholic,
35:02Scandinavian, Irish, oh and white
35:03were not traditionally demonstrative.
35:05Loving. Yes, absolutely,
35:06but demonstrations of love more subtle.
35:07When my father was diagnosed
35:09with cancer when I was 18,
35:11we had to learn to say I love you when we
35:14got off the phone, it felt odd at first.
35:18A muffled bird in the throat,
35:20but we got used to it after my father died.
35:23My mother and sister and I continued
35:24to say the words to each other.
35:27But my family is Midwestern tribal.
35:28No, I love yous to non blood
35:30relatives but Max had no time for
35:32the Victorian slow reveal for the
35:34palm almost about something red in
35:36a quiet voice or put in a drawer.
35:38He was the most demonstrative
35:40present tense person in the room.
35:41The directness of his gaze was such that you
35:44couldn't look away and the sicker he got,
35:46the more direct his gaze was.
35:50I have to go do a new clinical
35:51trial in Washington, but I have
35:54to get these horrible infusions.
35:55Text me to distract me.
35:57Why does it? Vitamin C infusion feel bad?
35:59High pressure defies the bloodstream.
36:01You get chills and insatiable
36:03thirst sounds like Tantalus yeah,
36:04if you had to lug a boulder to
36:07the bathroom and back to the pond.
36:10Let's change the subject.
36:12Who do you like better,
36:13Emily or Charlotte Bronte?
36:14A don't have a strong brontes sister opinion,
36:17Rilke, Rumi, Rumi, Rilke's,
36:18a bit of a fancy pants.
36:20I mean, I try to be like broker
36:22whether I like it or not,
36:24but room we really had it going.
36:26Why leshawn or one Stevens your Sally.
36:28I'm Andre. Let's have dinner.
36:30We can absolutely.
36:32Cancer scans the last week of April.
36:34It's a big marker.
36:36I think it'll go OK,
36:37alright feel ********.
36:39April
36:39scans showed more bad news,
36:41more tomorrow the current
36:42regimen wasn't working.
36:43I met with Max after his
36:45bad news and he told me.
36:48I'm afraid to die.
36:52So I wrote him a long letter.
36:55Dearest Max a letter and fair warning,
36:57it's about the afterlife,
36:58so read on only if you wish
37:00to contemplate such things.
37:02You told me yesterday you're scared of
37:04death that sometimes you leave the house
37:06and forget your wallet and you think
37:08death might be like that sensation.
37:09I left the House but forgot my body,
37:12my house, my New York City,
37:14my fiance, my mother.
37:15The metaphor seemed act walking
37:17out of the house, forgetting,
37:19but not being quite sure what you forgotten.
37:22I think I told you once about a dream
37:24I had that comforted me about death.
37:26I'd had a biopsy of some breast
37:27tissue that was questionable,
37:28so I was dreaming and thinking of death.
37:31In my dream,
37:31I went to a Buddhist temple in India.
37:33The steps up were high and gave me Vertigo.
37:36When I got to the top I was
37:37going to make an offering and I
37:39saw that monks were meditating.
37:40But the odd thing was they were
37:42able to meditate with their
37:43heads severed from their bodies.
37:44I found this horrifying but also comforting.
37:47Their consciousness persistent.
37:49After I saw these monks,
37:51I saw Golden Buddhas racing.
37:52I was going to leave this tower
37:55block back down the steps,
37:56arranged like Legos as I walked
37:58down the lapus Lego shifted under
38:00me and I was falling.
38:01Holding on to my daughter's
38:03hand when I reached the bottom.
38:05The stairway was crumbled,
38:06gone and I apologize to the
38:08monk and he said it's alright.
38:10They could arrange newly everyday.
38:12I'm not sure why,
38:13but I found this dream of Talisman
38:15that made me less afraid of death.
38:18I know you're not a Buddhist person,
38:20you know me.
38:21I'm this weird wandering Catholic
38:23former atheist Thomas Merton admire
38:25who just took refuge in Buddhism.
38:27I think you might be and voting
38:29software who's come back to
38:31help others you Max are good.
38:33You don't know how many you've
38:36helped already.
38:36The more I've looked into
38:38this reincarnation business,
38:39the more I'm convinced that we've had
38:41numberless lifetimes and will have
38:43number was more doesn't make death
38:44less scary because we still lose everything.
38:47We love this feeling of being situated
38:49this web of love were cocooned in,
38:51but I do believe consciousness persists.
38:53I believe we get on a train,
38:55and the train is,
38:56God knows what the opposite of a train going.
38:59God knows where, but I do believe
39:01something travels and arrive somewhere.
39:03When I met you,
39:05you walked into my classroom.
39:06This wise luminous person.
39:08I thought it is not possible
39:10that this young man is 20.
39:12You had a wisdom that seemed accumulated
39:14from many lifetimes of suffering.
39:16Forgive my sermonizing when you
39:18told me you were afraid to die.
39:20I thought not many people like to
39:22discuss death, so I make an opening.
39:24If you wanted to talk.
39:26I know
39:26I'm not qualified.
39:27Max gets up and starts to write.
39:29There is no God on the
39:31chalk board. The other
39:32dream that comforted me about
39:33death was about my father.
39:34I dreamed I saw him after he died in silver
39:37letters in the heavens is spelled out.
39:39There is no God.
39:40I turned to my father in the dream
39:43and asked who wrote that in the
39:45heavens and he said exactly.
39:47But in the asking,
39:48the ability of consciousness to
39:49frame the phrase there is no God.
39:51There was an answer.
39:53I will pray to whatever God
39:55that your body gets better,
39:57and if your body doesn't get better
39:59in this lifetime, I will pray.
40:01We meet up and recognize each
40:03other in the next lifetime,
40:04where probably you will be my teacher
40:07as you once were previously, OK.
40:10I'm waiting for Anna to finish her
40:12violin lesson now in the middle
40:13of writing that she came in and
40:14needed help blowing her nose.
40:16You can contemplate existence all
40:17you want at the end of the day,
40:19someone needs to blow their nose
40:20and hand you a dirty tissue.
40:23Max answer a tissue. I
40:25love you dear Max Sarah.
40:29Lights out end of Act one intermission.
40:33And that's all I will share with
40:35you today. But we have time for
40:37questions I think. Thank you so
40:39much, thank using thank you.
40:43Thank you Max.
40:47We invite you to turn your cameras on.
40:52And. And I the first phase who I saw
40:57coming on is Laurie Cardona who I was.
41:01Hoping would say something will
41:03wait for other cameras too.
41:05To turn on and I, I think that I saw
41:09doctor Stamp Osick in their doctor Pasic.
41:12If you're around,
41:13we'd love to to see you as well. And as.
41:21Wow, as we take it all in and
41:24as we think about the gift
41:26that you you both gave us.
41:29Let me turn it on. Doctor Cardona.
41:31I I see that you are just
41:34us for clamped as I am.
41:35But please from one for Clem
41:37T to another for Clem.
41:39Tight words that Max would
41:41have appreciated please.
41:44The problem is that Max
41:47didn't like machina's and so
41:49unfortunately that's where I am.
41:52He changed my life in a
41:55powerful and enduring way.
41:57So Sarah, thank you for capturing.
42:02All that was Max.
42:04Yeah yeah thanks.
42:09This is fantastic, but I can't.
42:11I'm not at that. It's telling me that I
42:14can't put my video on so we can hear you.
42:17It's OK, OK? So it, uh,
42:20obviously it was a pleasure to to
42:24hear to hear Sarah Ruhl and Anne.
42:28Zane. Oh, now I can start it.
42:32Yeah started so that we can
42:34see your Shayna Platinum's.
42:36Max would have said your beautiful face.
42:39So there you are. Thank you for playing Max.
42:46I knew Max for several years,
42:49mostly during the time that he was at Yale,
42:52then for a few years afterwards
42:54until he passed away, and.
42:57Max was one of those people who without
43:01really knowing he was doing it,
43:03were intending to changes your life and
43:06the thing that there were a number of
43:09things about Max that struck me, but.
43:14He was an incredibly courageous
43:16young man and it wasn't a surprise
43:19that when he graduated from college,
43:21Yale has a prize for the
43:25most courageous student.
43:27University and he was one of the winners
43:30of the prize for courage and what
43:34struck me most about his courage in
43:38this was that particularly after the
43:41beginning of his senior year in college.
43:45He sensed that his his death would be
43:49relatively soon and and yet he also knew
43:53that he wanted to create poetry and.
43:57The thing that was so courageous
43:59about what he did was in spite of the
44:02fact that he was facing death, he.
44:06He tried really,
44:07really hard to write about his experiences,
44:10and there's a dramatic shift from
44:12Missouri Lee writing about about
44:15having cancer,
44:15which which focused very much
44:18on how angry he felt.
44:20Too much more,
44:21a much broader kind of experience
44:23of what he was going through,
44:26and what other people like
44:28him were going through.
44:30And there was there was
44:32a beauty in his poetry,
44:34and in the language that.
44:36That he created and there was the the
44:40feelings he was describing were so
44:43deep and felt so genuine that it was.
44:47It was hard not to be incredibly
44:51moved by it so.
44:54He was, you know, just a great young man.
44:57Again,
44:57all all senses of the word grade,
45:00and it was a privilege for me to have
45:03known him and spend a lot of time
45:06with him during during his years at
45:09Yale and during the few years afterwards.
45:11So thank you.
45:13And thank you both for for portraying.
45:18Max is his writings in his poetry.
45:22Insane and Sarah free.
45:24You know,
45:25doing what you do so well,
45:27thank you.
45:28Thank you. Nice to see you.
45:46And I also wonder if it's easier for
45:48people to put questions in the chat.
45:50Sometimes that's away when
45:51there are a lot of people.
45:55Absolutely.
45:57And. I was just. Speaking
46:02of witty and whimsical,
46:03there are these these words
46:05that are in the book of your
46:07correspondence that I love Sarah.
46:11Max says I love you.
46:14We are to a two person crew.
46:18I play the kazoo cereplast,
46:21the didgeridoo. Which of
46:25course, is when you retort,
46:27as you did an X ray of your soul,
46:30shows a general radiance.
46:32While the scan of your
46:34breath shows only poetry.
46:38Zane, I would thank Zane,
46:40but I'm going to thank Max instead.
46:42Max Tulsa. Tell us what do you
46:44think of this dude design?
46:49This is post post constructed
46:51this, yeah, that's way that's
46:54above my my mental abilities.
46:57I can't speak for Max, you know.
47:01Obviously I I didn't.
47:04I never get to meet him,
47:06but just from the few times
47:07I've gotten to work on this,
47:09it's just been incredible too. I'm.
47:14Be able to read his language and I think
47:16that there is something in his writing
47:19that immediately allows someone reading it.
47:22I'm like an actor to empathize
47:25with it because it was such.
47:27Emotionally,
47:28raw and emotionally available material.
47:32Anne. That it's kind of.
47:35Works really well to be no dramatizes
47:37the right word because it's not.
47:40That's not really.
47:41I don't think what we're
47:43what I'm trying to do,
47:45but just to honor what he what
47:47he intended with his writing.
47:49That was. It's just.
47:51It's been really lovely
47:52and it's been really great.
47:54It was really great,
47:55so I read this with Sarah.
47:58This time we've never.
47:59We never read,
48:00I'd never read with Sarah before this week.
48:03This this project.
48:04So it is really.
48:06Really moving in a special
48:07way to do it with
48:09you, Sarah, well, you too and I love
48:11what you say about you know it's not,
48:14we're not dramatizing it because
48:16I I felt like I was worried about
48:18even the idea of dramatizing it
48:20because the letters are so intimate
48:22an you know personal but I thought.
48:24Well if I thought of it like a
48:27poetry reading and you read Poetry
48:29Out Loud you you give voice to.
48:32And I just love how Zane gave voice to Max,
48:35you know, as opposed to this idea of acting.
48:39That we have an.
48:40You're so present as an actor that
48:43it's really easy to read with you
48:45because you're so there every minute,
48:47and that was a gift that Max had in
48:50spades for all of us who knew him.
48:52He was so so present, which is,
48:54I think, one reason why kids were
48:56always following him around because
48:58he was just just like right there,
49:01right there with you.
49:03And I should say that in the annals
49:06of small world two I met saying,
49:08I think because means Mom is also
49:11an actress and worked on a play.
49:13I did that I wrote as a gift for my mother.
49:17My mother is here. Which is which is nice.
49:21So mothers, mothers and sons,
49:23mothers and daughters.
49:27Well, Sarah, for someone who claims
49:30never who have acted or been on stage,
49:33just writing behind the stage,
49:35I salute you and someone
49:37who did not meet Max.
49:40I believe you Sir.
49:41Because it was being in
49:43the room with brother.
49:45Thanks, thank you.
49:51Bob King Aman, who knows words,
49:53loves words, lives in words,
49:56a psychoanalyst, a thinker, my friend. Uh.
50:07Unmute this other problem
50:08with words that was just so
50:11terribly moving.
50:12It really brought Max back to
50:15life and and on the notice that
50:18you sent out for the grand round,
50:22seeing him and Alan Slifka together.
50:25I I I remember Shabbat suppers at
50:28the Smith Co. Center together an.
50:32Trust the kredible warm thing.
50:38There's a word in Greek which
50:41maybe doesn't quite fit.
50:42The notion of but of megalo cycles,
50:47which means great soul,
50:49and there certainly was that about
50:53about Max and seeing now and together
50:57and just sort of viewing not only kind
51:02of the enveloping emotional warmth,
51:06but also the the wisdom is well,
51:10it brought it all. Back to me.
51:15So thank you very much for
51:18bringing not just Max back to life,
51:22but since I think Max lived most
51:26in in discourse with others,
51:29you kind of can't just revitalize or
51:33reincarnates somebody in isolation.
51:36But for bringing him back to
51:39life for us in discourse.
51:43With others,
51:44and with the people he loved the most,
51:46so so thank you.
51:48That was just just wonderful.
51:53That's an amazing Greek word
51:55that now I want to look up.
51:58Make a little megalomaniacal
51:59sikus great great sword right? So I
52:02think that's such an important
52:04point you make about Max being so
52:07alive in dialogue with others.
52:10You know just insisting on dialogue,
52:12an it is one of the magic
52:15things about the theater,
52:17and one thing I miss now that the
52:20theaters closes that theater does have
52:23sort of this weird magic of incarnation.
52:27You know it's not like a film where you
52:30see one movie star 2 apart and that's it.
52:32You just keep watching.
52:34It's like a play passes through many bodies,
52:36many incarnations you can.
52:38You know the language glues
52:40those people together so.
52:42I do think there is a sense in
52:44which dialogue was a great a
52:47great form to pay tribute to Max.
52:50If I could just wax philosophical
52:52for for a second about that.
52:54I mean, I think maybe that is the you know,
52:58for those of us who are in doubt
53:01about the afterlife, I think in a way,
53:04maybe that's the only immortality we have.
53:07Hans Lowell, who is a local analyst and.
53:12A teacher of of many people here in
53:15New Haven said that the Greek root
53:18for a consciousness was chansky array,
53:21which he he derived from being in
53:24conversation or discourse with others.
53:27So you know there's this solipsistic
53:29notion we have about our consciousness
53:32is some sort of Cartesian little
53:35guy stuck away in our head,
53:38but maybe a more more wittgensteinian
53:40and child,
53:41developmental view of consciousness would be.
53:44It's something that that that's
53:46an interpersonal phenomena,
53:48and so in that sense,
53:50I think both our consciousness
53:52and maybe our immortality,
53:54such as it is,
53:56is is in conversation with others.
53:58So I think that that adds even another
54:02layer to the magic that you won't for us.
54:06Thank you.
54:07Well, I want to
54:09give that the last word, because
54:11that was so beautifully said.
54:15I, I agree, but I want to give
54:17that the 2nd to last word.
54:19I'm sorry I'm going to take
54:22the chairman prerogative here.
54:23Thank you, thank you Bob and I
54:26think that it's woven into some,
54:28you know, someone that Bob and I are
54:30very close to as many people here,
54:33and that's Donald Cohen and in his
54:35collected books of life is with others,
54:37right? That that is the immortality
54:39of the connection,
54:40and I think that that happened today.
54:42We had a poetic seance of sorts
54:44that was just so beautiful.
54:46I want to thank you both so much, but no,
54:50don't think that the last word goes to me.
54:52I said enough, the last word goes to.
54:55The person without whom none of this,
54:58including Max,
54:59would have been.
55:01Possible and that is Ari Ari.
55:03Thank you so much and please give
55:05us a send off and then Ari and
55:08Sarah and a couple of us are going
55:10to stay after for a few minutes
55:13but before we close it formally
55:15police already take it away.
55:19First of all I. Am I on? Can you hear me?
55:26Am I on? Yes, you're
55:28freezing a little
55:29bit. Alright, that's not my Internet because
55:32we have perfect Internet connection.
55:36No matter how many times there you are.
55:39No matter how many times. Pardon.
55:44No matter how many times I read
55:46this book. Letters.
55:50Every time I found something new in it.
55:53Every time I was moved to tears
55:56recently Sarah sent me the the play.
55:59And I have to say that that
56:02what I read of it was
56:04some moving. But today I didn't
56:07expect to fall apart like I did.
56:09I really fell apart but in a good way,
56:12because you guys brought Max back.
56:15To us today in those moments and Zane,
56:19I want to thank you so so much.
56:22It's very hard for a mother to watch
56:25someone play her son when her son is dead
56:29but but that's what Max would have wanted.
56:33There are, you know how grateful I am to you.
56:36You've worked through the journey
56:38with us when Max was alive.
56:40We've had our soup, soup things and what not.
56:45And an you worked so **** **
56:47the book and now the play.
56:49And now we have that now.
56:52Now what does it mean in terms of this thing?
56:55That's ten and I talked about informally
56:58for a year before I brought it up
57:01with Andreas and Linda and Glory and
57:03everybody else to create this this
57:06endowment so that this could happen.
57:08What does it mean this was not
57:11intended to be a grand grand round
57:14for people to fall apart?
57:15But for people to appreciate art as a
57:18healing instead instrument of healing,
57:21Max was always talking about
57:23his legacy stand.
57:24Can confirm that Max was very
57:27worried that he was too young and you
57:30wouldn't have a legacy and the world
57:33would go on without Mmax Ness in it.
57:37You proved today.
57:38Otherwise, he's his art and he set me mom.
57:41Make sure my art is in the world.
57:44I don't care how many.
57:46How many elbows you Boston?
57:48How many?
57:48How many people you bother and how
57:51be as Jewish as you need to be.
57:54But get my work out there.
57:56What's not out there?
57:57He managed to get a lot of it done himself,
58:01surprised himself with this gorgeous
58:03gorgeous first book for reincarnation.
58:05He managed to get.
58:06The idea and the letters with you,
58:09Sarah and you guys managed to create
58:12the idea that this would be a book
58:15he just didn't couldn't hang on
58:17fast enough long enough for you
58:19to bring it to fruition.
58:21To be the art that it has become.
58:24So I'd like to look at today,
58:27not just as a tribute to Max and Alan and
58:31all the others who we want to be with us,
58:34physically or not with us, but also.
58:37As as a legacy to someone who created art,
58:41we brought that art into the room.
58:44All the all,
58:46their residents and fellows
58:47and whomever is on this call,
58:50ANAN faculty and guests have watched an.
58:53Hopefully it provided them,
58:55if not healing in itself.
58:57Some tools for healing,
58:59some ideas of how art can can affect
59:03us in a mental and physical way.
59:06How we can use it.
59:08As as a healing tool and today
59:11art was poetry,
59:12but for Max Art wasn't his
59:15expression of it was poetry,
59:17but his expression of it was also
59:19music Max composed beautiful music.
59:22Very few people know that,
59:24but I I have's piano compositions
59:26in his song compositions.
59:28He also adored visual art.
59:30So art in any form an and what's
59:33important with this program is that we
59:36keep the legacy of art as a healing.
59:39Form. For for, for the future,
59:44in honoring Marks and honoring Max
59:46is legacy an an honoring all who
59:49were a part of his life and dress.
59:53You were also a big part of his life.
59:58I remember you and Rebecca take
01:00:00him to your home a lot when he was
01:00:03in college and stand goes without
01:00:05saying he actually wrote you.
01:00:08Poems left poetry that that poem
01:00:10with the yellow pad and what not.
01:00:13He really,
01:00:14really recalled details and left
01:00:15them for posterity and eternity,
01:00:17and I think that's the beauty of
01:00:20Max is that he wanted to touch every
01:00:23single person he loved and he didn't
01:00:26want them to ever let go of him.
01:00:29He didn't want us to be sad.
01:00:32He begged me to to try and rebuild
01:00:35their life once he was gone,
01:00:37'cause he knew he was gone.
01:00:39But he did want us to know that
01:00:42he loved us with such passion.
01:00:45Anne, Anne,
01:00:45Anne and Annie memorialized us instead
01:00:48of us memorializing him while he was dying.
01:00:51By writing poems to us by by letting
01:00:54us know how you felt about us by
01:00:57doing ceremonial things with us.
01:00:59And that was a part of Max that
01:01:01that will never be lost.
01:01:03You know, this Mother's Day.
01:01:04I really,
01:01:05really miss not getting my
01:01:06usual first in the morning.
01:01:08Email with the new palm in it.
01:01:10So read all the old ones that he
01:01:12wrote me for Mother's Day and there
01:01:14are plenty of him 'cause he started a
01:01:17very very young age so I won't go on and on.
01:01:20Because of course,
01:01:21as a grieving mother I could,
01:01:22but I really am grateful Sarah.
01:01:24I love you so much and I'm
01:01:26so grateful to you.
01:01:27I think this is going to be a beautiful play.
01:01:31And.
01:01:33Linda,
01:01:33thank you for making this happen
01:01:36and I don't see you but but you
01:01:39know how I feel about how you've
01:01:41been with all of the different
01:01:44projects that I I put on the plate.
01:01:46You're always so receptive
01:01:48and always willing to do it.
01:01:53Thank you, I really appreciate it.
01:01:55I'm you're you're you're the most.
01:01:59Heterogeneous chair of the Child
01:02:01Study Center I've ever seen with
01:02:03the with your interest in history
01:02:05and Indian Reservation and and
01:02:07memorializing people and arts and and.
01:02:09And you just always, you have very open.
01:02:11Very open, very expanded mind.
01:02:13And I want to thank you for that. Thank
01:02:16you all right through your support.
01:02:18We are so grateful to have
01:02:20you with us and always thank
01:02:22you. Thank you. Yeah,
01:02:25I think I'm. I'm done rambling.
01:02:29That was beautiful rambling and
01:02:30we thank you Ari and again,
01:02:32Sarah Zane. We thank you so much
01:02:34we're going to hang around for anyone
01:02:37who wants to join us for some more.
01:02:39Some more of this, but thank you to all
01:02:42of you and we will see you at next year.
01:02:45So memorial lecture and all the wonderful
01:02:47things that will happen between now and
01:02:49then. Thank you all.