How Can Motivation, Emotional Intelligence, & Gratitude Change the Way We Do Things?

Christina Cipriano, PhD, MEd, director of the Education Collaboratory at Yale Child Study Center, is an internationally recognized scholar in the science of learning and development. She leads numerous large federal and foundation grants, and her work contributes to national discourse on evidence-based research, practice, and assessment in schools. She is also no stranger to navigating education and healthcare systems with and for her family, and to challenging some of the factors that shape our daily lives.

In this Q&A, Cipriano shares what led her to one of the focal points of her work leading the Education Collaboratory—and in writing her first book, "Be Unapologetically Impatient." She emphasizes the power of harnessing intrinsic motivation, emotional intelligence, and gratitude as a mindset—not just for personal growth, but for societal transformation. She also addresses what science she hopes readers will take with them as they move through their own classrooms, boardrooms, and beyond.

My work is anchored in applied developmental and educational psychology with an emphasis on the word "applied"—what the science of learning and social and emotional development looks like in education, medicine, and industry, through my lens. I am a translational scientist by training, and the intersection of my training with my upbringing resulted in a series of experiences that led me to where I am today. I am often asked how I got into the science of learning and social and emotional development, but you see, the truth is, the field found me.

That said, I had been thinking about writing a book for a long time, and it was a series of moments that inspired me to finally sit down and write it. The first was when I realized I had healed enough through the traumas that were the devastating journey to a diagnosis for our eldest son Miles and his rare disease to write about it. The second was when our “middles” Salvatore and Eleanor, started asking questions. They would ask why our family would have to wait while other families got to go ahead of us. Salvatore asked me why he had to hide during a drill at school. Eleanor asked me why I taught her that her ADHD is a superpower, when a teacher told her at school that disabilities are an illness. My children’s questions inspired me to a new realization: Why am I being so patient in the face of injustice? What am I waiting for?

Two notes come to mind. First, I strived to make the book itself impatient—it is intentionally a short form book that could be a quick read because I wanted it to have immediate utility for readers. Second, I wanted the book to have rhythm and for readers to catch the waves and ride the speed of it as I moved them through their learning journey. To do that it meant that I had to be parsimonious with what I shared and how I shared it. Admittedly, it would have been easier to write the book to be twice as long! I am really happy with how it came out, and I am receiving overwhelming feedback from readers that they “couldn’t put it down!”

I worked hard to write a book for everyone: parents, providers, practitioners, people. During the positioning phase of my editorial journey, I was steadfast in what I didn't want to do. I didn't want to write a book that was only for the disability community or only for the parenting community or only for educators. I wanted it to speak across livelihoods and systems meaningfully so that everyone who picks it up could see themselves in it. I have been affirmed in this by how readers are responding to it. I have heard stories from readers about how they felt connected, and my journey resonated with their experiences across a wide array of experiences that are adjacent to those I speak about in the book (like adoption, experiences of caring for an ailing parents, immigration, and navigating the foster care system, among many others).

The central thesis of the book is that joy is not worth waiting for and that the only thing to be sorry for is not working to interrupt injustice in your everyday life. It can take a lifetime to change a system, or even how you or I are seen in the system, but each and every one of us can change how we see ourselves in the system right now. We can do it every day in small ways that prioritize compassionate, empathetic inquiry, and privilege our respective differences as different vantage points that can affect change.

In the book, I introduce a reframe on “it's just the way we do things” and how presently this phrase is arguably among the most dangerous of phrases we can hear. When someone says some version of this expression as a justification for why a system is structured the way it is, why you have to wait, etc., how this can signal for you that there is an opportunity to change the system for the better. I provide examples and sentence starters, strategy and after strategy, for what to say and how to say it to invite people in to problem solve and dissolve hurdles and barriers to joy across sectors. Grounded in the science of emotional intelligence, developmental and educational psychology, and gratitude, being unapologetically impatient is the mindset required to change the way we do things.

Our mission at the Education Collaboratory is to advance the science of learning and social and emotional development, so all students are seen, served, and safe to learn in their schools. Our approach employs rigorous research methods, and we prioritize community partnerships with schools and families. The goal of our team—and of my book—is to reach a wide audience including educators, parents, medical professionals, and policymakers. I hope everyone who reads my book changes how they see themselves and how they see all those that they serve and care for in their work and lives, and how they engage with them to live their love forward.

I am blown away by the reactions of readers. This book is deeply personal, and I am continuously trying to quiet my imposter syndrome as I navigate my heart on my sleeve for people anywhere to receive. That said, a few notes come to mind.

One was from an industry executive who said that the book is a brave and intimate look into my internal dialogue and has changed the way they see their world for the better, forever. I have also had a number of educators say that they wish they had this book before they started their teaching careers, and how they can’t unsee it now. So many parents have written about how they immediately started using the strategies I suggest in the book with their child’s providers and teachers. Also, so many reflections of people realizing “how much they apologize for existing” and how I have changed the way they see themselves in life.

Being labeled as a must-read for educators, clinicians, and parents makes my heart explode. And knowing that I am sharing light and living my love forward gives me so much hope that together we will indeed create a world where all children and families have the opportunity to thrive.