Child Study Center Grand Rounds 05.11.21

Transcript

• 00:00Doctor Reva Ariella Ritvo is a colleague of
• 00:03professional colleague and psychology who has
• 00:06dedicated her professional life to autism.
• 00:09So she's one of us is a professional.
• 00:13She lives in California and in New York,
• 00:16but she's very connected with us,
• 00:18so geography, even before zoom
• 00:20was a relative term to Ari,
• 00:22who has been incredibly connected with us.
• 00:25But in addition to being a professional,
• 00:29Arias is a mother and.
• 00:33Of her three children,
• 00:34I've had the privilege of
• 00:36getting to know them all,
• 00:38but I was especially closed with
• 00:41her youngest with Max Ritvo.
• 00:43I happen to have a Max of my own maximum
• 00:47garden and the two maxes became fast friends.
• 00:51So it's very personal at that level.
• 00:55My dear Lori Cardona,
• 00:56who I see somewhere there also
• 00:59knows that this is very personal,
• 01:01because for many years we have
• 01:03worked together at the interface
• 01:05of Pediatrics in general,
• 01:07and particularly among college be cancer.
• 01:09Working around this area of pediatric
• 01:11oncology and the interface between children's
• 01:14mental health and their physical health.
• 01:16And much of this work that
• 01:18has supported myself, Lori,
• 01:20and many others has been through
• 01:22the generosity of Ariella and
• 01:25this beautiful gift.
• 01:26Now hurry up.
• 01:30As you probably know from
• 01:32the title of the talk.
• 01:34From the book already had the
• 01:38unbelievable loss of Max now.
• 01:41Some years ago was a tragic loss of a
• 01:45of a man of the flower of his youth.
• 01:49Of his promise,
• 01:50Max has since published three,
• 01:52maybe four.
• 01:53I lose count posthumous books of
• 01:56poetry he for graduating from Yale.
• 01:59He went to the.
• 02:02Poetry program at Columbia University.
• 02:04He was mentored by great poets
• 02:06and in fact his mentor here at
• 02:09Yale was no other than the 2020
• 02:12Nobel laureate Louise Gluck.
• 02:15With him he was very,
• 02:17very close and you know it
• 02:19takes a talent to be a mentor,
• 02:22but it particularly takes a
• 02:24talent formenti to find a mentor
• 02:26and to find the best mentors.
• 02:29And by that metric Max Ritvo was the
• 02:32best minty ever because he found,
• 02:34you know, Louise Gluck, Nobel laureate,
• 02:37and he found the great Sarah role play right?
• 02:40And that's what brings us here together.
• 02:44When Max was a young up and coming
• 02:47freshman coming from California here at Yale,
• 02:50he reached out to Sarah Ruhl.
• 02:53She'll tell you the rest of the story,
• 02:56but he chased her.
• 02:58He found her.
• 02:59He insinuated, would be too kind of a word.
• 03:02He he twisted her arm into getting into
• 03:05her class and a beautiful friendship started,
• 03:08and some of their emails and some of
• 03:12their letters and some other back and forth.
• 03:15That are so wonderfully irreverent,
• 03:17because when you think of the
• 03:19adjectives to describe Max, Ritvo,
• 03:21irreverent, whimsical, brilliant,
• 03:22funny, so, many words come to mind.
• 03:24But irreverent was one of them.
• 03:26You know,
• 03:27he took no from no one,
• 03:29and certainly no Sarah rules.
• 03:30Keep him was going to keep him out of his
• 03:34class. So that was the beginning of a
• 03:37beautiful friendship and you will see today
• 03:39and you will hear today what that was about.
• 03:42And I like the last thing that I will
• 03:46say is this. A psychiatrist no one
• 03:48really knows what it is that we do.
• 03:51You know, we go into a room.
• 03:54We do some mumbo jumbo and
• 03:56patients hopefully get better.
• 03:57No one really knows what happens in
• 04:00that room and I like to think that
• 04:03what we need to do better is to tell more.
• 04:06And, you know, tell lesson show more.
• 04:09Show us, don't tell us right?
• 04:12And in that spirit, I think that Sarah rule.
• 04:15I suspect she's not going to give
• 04:18you a lecture on Dramaturgy 101.
• 04:21I don't think she's going to.
• 04:23Tell you I think she's gonna show you.
• 04:26So let me introduce and welcome Sarah Ruhl.
• 04:28We're so privileged to have you here and
• 04:31Sarah the last thing before I turn it
• 04:34over is that I have muted all of you.
• 04:37So Sarah and Zane.
• 04:38If you could please unmute yourselves
• 04:40and for the rest of us I'm going to
• 04:43ask something that I never asked.
• 04:45But this is very very, very different.
• 04:47Grand Rounds today,
• 04:48isn't it?
• 04:49And I'm going to ask all of you
• 04:52to please turn your cameras off.
• 04:54I will let you know when you can
• 04:56turn them back on again,
• 04:58but for now I ask that you all
• 04:59please turn turn your cameras off.
• 05:05Hi everybody, I'm so hold on
• 05:08a second Sarah Robin Dorothy.
• 05:10Please turn your camera on Barbara
• 05:12Nordhouse. I'm so delighted to
• 05:14see you but I'm going to ask you
• 05:17to please turn your camera off.
• 05:20I love you the enforcer. I am Robin.
• 05:23Just click on the little camera Dorothy.
• 05:25You can do it.
• 05:27Bottom left start video stop video.
• 05:35OK, Sarah and Zane take it away.
• 05:37OK, thank you so much
• 05:39Andreas and thank you for setting
• 05:41this up and for having me.
• 05:44I'm really honored to be
• 05:45here and really want to.
• 05:47Thank Ari who's become such a dear
• 05:50friend for for having me and for
• 05:52all the incredible advocacy she
• 05:54does for Wellness for mental health.
• 05:57For peace in this world.
• 06:00Thanks everyone for coming friends family.
• 06:02My husband people I don't know yet.
• 06:04I'm really thank using for
• 06:06being my scene partner today.
• 06:08I'm not an actor so it's especially
• 06:10nice of you to act with me.
• 06:15And Max, I want to thank you.
• 06:17Most of all we started this project
• 06:19together and your books are here
• 06:21with me today on my little couch
• 06:24and you're here today in spirit.
• 06:26It seemed fitting to share with you all
• 06:28as a first audience display in progress.
• 06:31That's an adaptation of the
• 06:33letters between me and Max.
• 06:34I feel like this series really celebrates the
• 06:37healing power of art and the medicine of art,
• 06:40which is a divine compliment
• 06:42to the art of medicine,
• 06:44and it's in that spirit that I share
• 06:46this work in progress with you.
• 06:48So we're going to read an excerpt of Act One.
• 06:52I'm not an actor,
• 06:53but I'm playing myself.
• 06:55I think that's OK.
• 06:56Uh, I'm reading stage directions to
• 06:59Zane will be reading the voice of Max.
• 07:02A man without further ado
• 07:06letters from Max a play.
• 07:09Quote even present tense has
• 07:11some of the grace of past tense,
• 07:13what with all the present tense left to go.
• 07:17Max Rick, Phil.
• 07:19Set an empty space not unlike a
• 07:22classroom with Gothic windows and
• 07:24a big chalkboard and a rollaway.
• 07:26Ping pong table microphones are
• 07:28scattered throughout the stage.
• 07:30People Sarah,
• 07:30a teacher who becomes a student,
• 07:33Max, a student who becomes a teacher.
• 07:36One Max began is my student.
• 07:38This is how he began his application to
• 07:40get into my playwriting class at Yale.
• 07:44Your professor rule.
• 07:45Thanks for reading this application.
• 07:47My name is Max Ritvo.
• 07:48I'm a senior English major in the
• 07:51creative writing concentration.
• 07:52All I want to do is right.
• 07:54He said that he was a poet and a comedian.
• 07:58Part of an experimental comedy troupe,
• 08:00a poet. And he's funny.
• 08:01I thought I've always thought
• 08:03poets make natural playwrights,
• 08:04though I've always been
• 08:05secretive about my own poetry,
• 08:07squirreled away into my desk.
• 08:08So I reread his application,
• 08:10which had been left to Stew in the no pile,
• 08:13because he'd never written a play before.
• 08:15Because funny poets are my
• 08:17favorite kind of human being.
• 08:18I put Max in the yes pile.
• 08:21It's hard to imagine now
• 08:22that Max is application.
• 08:24Could have remained at any other pile.
• 08:27Max walked into my first class and it was
• 08:29as though an ancient lightbulb hovered
• 08:31over his head, illuminating the room.
• 08:33Who is this boy?
• 08:34I wondered.
• 08:35He seemed to have read everything,
• 08:37but had the air of a playful child.
• 08:39The first note I received from
• 08:41Max in my inbox began like this.
• 08:43Dear Professor rule,
• 08:44I am writing because before I had even
• 08:46realized this wonderful class existed,
• 08:48I book tickets for Einstein on
• 08:50the beach at the Brooklyn Academy
• 08:51of Music for this coming Friday.
• 08:53Little did he know that I
• 08:55had longed to see Einstein on the beach,
• 08:57but it was sold out.
• 08:59Nothing could have been more
• 09:00delightful to me than a student.
• 09:02By the foresight to book
• 09:03tickets to a difficult avant
• 09:05garde theatrical epic, I am so
• 09:07so sorry that might have permission to
• 09:09miss class. Yes, you must be Einstein
• 09:11on the beach as long as you write a
• 09:13short report, no more than five minutes.
• 09:15On the experience of seeing the show,
• 09:17maybe you can join us for
• 09:18the first part of class,
• 09:20then hightail it to Brooklyn.
• 09:22Sarah. It took two letters to drop
• 09:25the institutional formalities.
• 09:27The show starts at 7.
• 09:29I'm worried if I leave later I won't
• 09:30have time to properly get through
• 09:32Grand Central to eat something.
• 09:34The show is 4 hours long and I have
• 09:36to eat in a really regimented way
• 09:38to keep my weight up as a result
• 09:41of the chemotherapy I had in
• 09:42high school. More on that some other time.
• 09:45I now had part of my answers to why Max
• 09:47was different from the other students.
• 09:49Why beyond being a poet,
• 09:51he'd already contemplated the
• 09:52big metaphysical questions
• 09:53and why he was so skinny.
• 09:54Max delivered an insightful and detailed
• 09:56sermon to the class on Phillip Glass.
• 09:58Over Wilson and
• 09:59then a great tower of light descends. He
• 10:02was to spoken for five minutes.
• 10:03He spoke for about an hour
• 10:05without this metaphysical cage
• 10:06appears a bright young woman in class
• 10:09was horrified that a man was
• 10:10taking up an hour of her
• 10:12class with Phillip Glass.
• 10:14She would soon become
• 10:15one of his best friends.
• 10:17I would really love to take you up on your
• 10:19offer of some post graduating advice.
• 10:21What days are you in New Haven and
• 10:23when would it be convenient for
• 10:24you to be in this age for half an
• 10:26hour? They eat soup.
• 10:27We ate black bean soup with the
• 10:30local bookstore cafe Atticus
• 10:31Max 8 slowly and explain that
• 10:34in high school he had Ewing,
• 10:36sarcoma and the chemotherapy
• 10:37had made his digestion iffy.
• 10:40He finished three spoonfuls of soup and
• 10:42spoke about his dreams of becoming a poet,
• 10:45resting here and there to speak
• 10:47about the trials of love.
• 10:49A girl was probably plaguing him.
• 10:52A girl was often
• 10:53plaguing him. My romantic life is falling
• 10:56apart. The semester war on with more
• 10:58delicious Lee coined phrases from
• 11:00Max in class like theatrical onanism
• 11:02and lyric complicity, and more
• 11:04of the same. Leaves falling
• 11:07on the same Gothic campus.
• 11:09Dennis addressed to me and
• 11:11the teaching assistant Amelia.
• 11:14Dearest Sarah and Amelia,
• 11:15I write with sad news.
• 11:17Today was my cancer screening day and an
• 11:19artifact was discovered in my right chest.
• 11:22We are waiting for more
• 11:23testing and surgical biopsy,
• 11:25but it's possible that this
• 11:26is a recurrence of my cancer.
• 11:28I have every intention of
• 11:30carrying on with my work.
• 11:32I just wanted to forewarn you that there
• 11:35might be some difficulties on the horizon.
• 11:38I can't say how much you both come to me
• 11:40to me in my short time learning from you.
• 11:42If nothing else,
• 11:43maybe will squeeze a great play out of
• 11:45whatever comes with this gratefully Max.
• 11:48A hurricane was about to arrive
• 11:50in New York City and Max was
• 11:52about to go into surgery. 2.
• 11:55Dear Sarah, I go into surgery
• 11:57in five or six hours.
• 11:59Wish me luck as they cut me and fill me
• 12:02with opium and hand down the unappealable.
• 12:05Verdict I will get everything,
• 12:06perhaps just not in a timely fashion.
• 12:09The idea of my one act is daunting.
• 12:12I might want to do a cancer one
• 12:14act and I might want very much
• 12:16not to do a cancer one act.
• 12:19In the meantime,
• 12:20I thought you might enjoy a few poems
• 12:22I'm working on proof of fecundity.
• 12:25If unsoundness of mind,
• 12:26any comments would be deeply appreciated.
• 12:28I'm clinging more and more to my writing,
• 12:31as my panic is increasing.
• 12:33Music Max goes to a microphone
• 12:35and read the phone. Scan.
• 12:40Lie flat comes the command
• 12:43from a voice UN singing.
• 12:45The voice starts to weep.
• 12:47And I blow it kisses.
• 12:50Dear Max, I loved your poems.
• 12:52You have such a beautiful
• 12:54singing ear and such a mind.
• 12:56I'm terribly sorry about what seems
• 12:58to be the news of the artifacts.
• 13:01I'm assuming your email
• 13:02means you're out of surgery.
• 13:03That is a comfort,
• 13:04and I hope you're resting and
• 13:06recuperating from the invasion.
• 13:09Sarah, I can't tell you how
• 13:11much your note means to me.
• 13:13Today was mostly breathing exercises
• 13:15and limping and coming off of the
• 13:17opiates strange dreams with lots
• 13:19of focus on the skin texture.
• 13:21My uncle has flown in from Israel.
• 13:24He gave me some acupuncture,
• 13:25which unblocked a very preverbal
• 13:27chunk of fear and rage.
• 13:29I felt like I was a prophet,
• 13:31channeling my tumor.
• 13:32It would be great if you're in New
• 13:35York if you visited the hospital,
• 13:37that would mean a lot to me.
• 13:38Bring me a book and inscribe it.
• 13:41Reading is good.
• 13:42Writing is about all I have.
• 13:45Mac.
• 13:46Dear Max, you must feel a little like job
• 13:49stuck in the hospital during a hurricane.
• 13:51Like come on, what gives in a hurricane two?
• 13:54I'm supposed to be in rehearsals in
• 13:56New Haven for my play dear Elizabeth.
• 13:58And instead of madly baking at home.
• 14:00Luckily we have power and creating
• 14:02apartment wide scavenger hunts
• 14:03to entertain the children.
• 14:05Sarah, I miss you in the class.
• 14:08Seeing you Tuesday would be wonderful.
• 14:10It would probably be nice to spare you the
• 14:13childhood chemo ward which is horrific
• 14:15and the least functional part of my day
• 14:18and see you in the afternoon. You are
• 14:21such a specific helpfulness in my life.
• 14:23I don't know what I'd do without you, Max.
• 14:26Sarah visits Max. I brought a noodle kugel.
• 14:31Bet you're such a Midwestern boy.
• 14:33How do you know how to make Google?
• 14:37It's good, it's good enough
• 14:39to pass the muster of my
• 14:41Israeli mother. Max's mother
• 14:43was beautiful and charismatic,
• 14:44and she'd been through hell.
• 14:46A shift Max was still very much my student.
• 14:49I gave him notes like
• 14:51but that speech in iambic
• 14:53pentameter Max ended
• 14:54in his play at the end of
• 14:56the semester. I am adamant that something
• 14:58extravagant and silent happened. Something
• 15:00extravagant and silent happens.
• 15:01His play begins at an altar.
• 15:03A sick boy goes to get a tattoo and a
• 15:06tattoo artist is something of an analyst
• 15:09and the boy and the tattoo artist.
• 15:11Beacon iambic pentameter.
• 15:12The boy says to the tattoo artist so I
• 15:15have brought inside my little pouch.
• 15:17A little draft of a hokusei crane. Max
• 15:20got a bird tattoo after every surgery.
• 15:23Each bird inspired by different artists
• 15:25that tattoo artist finishes and
• 15:27picks the boy up very gently like
• 15:29an Angel helping another Angel,
• 15:31she offers him a compact
• 15:33mirror gently like an Angel,
• 15:35offering a compact mirror to another Angel.
• 15:38He smiles and begins to check it out.
• 15:40Then the boy says. It's dope,
• 15:43I really love it in this light. Musica
• 15:46shift I have very little memory
• 15:48of that winter or spring.
• 15:50I was teaching and checking my
• 15:52children's temperature often.
• 15:53They always seem to have a cold.
• 15:55When the pediatrician saw me,
• 15:56she just laughed because I arrived at
• 15:58her doorstep every other day or so.
• 16:00I don't know if my friendship with
• 16:02Max was an extension of my mothering
• 16:04or released from it, or both.
• 16:06That March, a group missive from Max.
• 16:09Leak news though.
• 16:11No immediate death sentence impending.
• 16:14My tumors remain unchanged
• 16:15despite the new chemo.
• 16:16My lungs have been to a radiated
• 16:18due to my first cancer.
• 16:20For a second attempt,
• 16:21surgery also doesn't seem to be
• 16:23a likely option given the sub
• 16:25centimeter size of my tumors there
• 16:27deep in gym and in my lungs and
• 16:29the slipperiness viewing cells,
• 16:31it's more likely that I will
• 16:33embark on a clinical trial hoping
• 16:35that an experimental vaccine
• 16:36therapy treatment at the NIH will
• 16:38be able to give me a clean scan.
• 16:40These trials are trials because they
• 16:42are promising and they are trials
• 16:44because they are not proven science.
• 16:47I will be on the periphery of medicine.
• 16:50Empiricists like Dad,
• 16:51love the sentiment that man's reach
• 16:54should always exceed his grasp.
• 16:56My body is being fanned and fumble
• 16:58to by the gloved fingertips.
• 17:00I hope they can get a grip on me,
• 17:02but I can't say the odds are very good.
• 17:06A shift. You're Sarah. I am very sad.
• 17:10Good Friday closed my New Haven
• 17:12Chemo Hospital and I will have
• 17:14to trek to New York this weekend.
• 17:15Will you be in New York then?
• 17:17I am waiting for the arrival of the book.
• 17:19I wanted to give you.
• 17:21You are the best gift to have delivered
• 17:24in person. And I have good news.
• 17:26I got into the Columbia MFA we my
• 17:28mother has even discussed the prospect
• 17:30of me doing chemo alone in New York
• 17:33and giving me some salvage takanami
• 17:35even if I'm on these demon drugs.
• 17:37Max move back to California this
• 17:39summer to his mother's house
• 17:40so she could take care of him
• 17:43and so he could get treatment.
• 17:46I owe you a call.
• 17:47Its surface is in my mind every day,
• 17:49but I'm usually only lucid enough
• 17:51to follow through with something
• 17:53like that at night and you're a mom.
• 17:55We need to sleep.
• 17:56Crisis single on a lot of fronts.
• 17:59Chemo over no change in tumors.
• 18:01This means what the hell is
• 18:03going to happen to me with
• 18:04this experimental cocktail?
• 18:06They're going to inject into me? I'm
• 18:09so sorry that the chemo
• 18:11hasn't appeared to shrink
• 18:12the tumors yet.
• 18:14General feelings of anxiety have
• 18:16disconnected me a lot from our.
• 18:18Starting to worry that my poetry
• 18:20work is indulgent and insulated.
• 18:22Don't worry if your
• 18:23poetry feels insulated or indulgent.
• 18:25Poetry by nature isn't
• 18:26insulated and indulgent.
• 18:27Only some small degree of emotional
• 18:29restraint keeps it from being indulgent
• 18:31and some small degree of sharing it with
• 18:34others keeps it from being insulated.
• 18:36Also, don't worry if you're not writing,
• 18:38you have plenty to contend with
• 18:40in the moment and the rating
• 18:43will come when it needs to.
• 18:46I've been living with my parents all summer.
• 18:48I'm terrified of getting back
• 18:49on the horse of living alone,
• 18:51especially considering how
• 18:52supportive my parents have been.
• 18:54I also really, really want to live alone.
• 18:57I don't think I'm capable of functioning
• 18:59properly without a not mom woman in my life.
• 19:02Not mom. Woman is a blue set by the way.
• 19:06This isn't a good thing, but it's a fact.
• 19:09There are some potential romantic prospects,
• 19:11one of which makes me really helpful,
• 19:13but I don't want to need and not mom woman.
• 19:16I want to just want a not mom woman that made
• 19:20me laugh. I would say
• 19:22living alone is overrated.
• 19:23Personally I hate it.
• 19:24I only like living alone from
• 19:279:00 to 5:00 PM at five.
• 19:28I'm very happy to have a mom
• 19:30around or a mom substitute.
• 19:33That calms me down a little.
• 19:35It might be OK to need somebody.
• 19:38Your play continues to ripple in me.
• 19:41Attached find a poem stirred up by it.
• 19:43Max goes to a microphone to read.
• 19:47Refuge for Sarah.
• 19:52Rain falls on the House.
• 19:55My mother dries dishes in
• 19:57the dark house in the rain.
• 19:59I'm your little dish.
• 20:01I tell her, even though I ought to be a man.
• 20:04You're a big dish.
• 20:06You mean, I'm very wet.
• 20:09I haven't seen much and don't see
• 20:11much the jungle of my short life is
• 20:14one row of white straight naked trees.
• 20:17The vines are white and fall apart
• 20:19in my hands as if dissolved under the tongue.
• 20:23Every living thing is screaming dust.
• 20:27To imagine a heaven is to admit there
• 20:29are things in this world you think you
• 20:31could never bring yourself to love.
• 20:33Even given an unlimited number of attempts.
• 20:37Learn to love everything the world
• 20:39becomes heaven. That sounds hard.
• 20:41I have a better idea.
• 20:43Ask the soap.
• 20:44I tell you now unhappily knitted to bravery,
• 20:48that all you must do is hate
• 20:50yourself round and round and in hand
• 20:53foaming mouth open rainbow bubbles,
• 20:55dashing open.
• 20:56Hate yourself more than any other thing.
• 20:59You have made heaven.
• 21:02I love your poem.
• 21:05I want to ask you about your process.
• 21:08You produce things that are so alive
• 21:10and flexible and bamboo like. I don't
• 21:12know much about my process
• 21:15except that it involves tea.
• 21:16That summer we went to California
• 21:18to see Tony's family Max,
• 21:20and I plan to go to the Ferris wheel in
• 21:22Santa Monica, but Max was very sick.
• 21:24We all had lunch Max.
• 21:26My husband Tony and my three kids.
• 21:28That was the summer I was
• 21:29teaching my twins to swim.
• 21:31Dear Max, I was so happy to see you.
• 21:33I wrote a poem for you while I was filling
• 21:36the bathtub with water and when I finished,
• 21:38the water had almost overflowed
• 21:40but it didn't.
• 21:40It is attached the poem, not the bath water.
• 21:44Sarah goes to the microphone and reads.
• 21:46Maybe a forest appears on the walls.
• 21:49For Max was. Thanks to Maurice Sendak.
• 21:53That no wild thing.
• 21:55Annual boy Max.
• 21:56One night in your room or body.
• 21:59A forest grew and the walls are cells
• 22:02became transparent because brightness
• 22:04invites transparency I guess.
• 22:06Then a little boat to hospital smells
• 22:09doctors called the forest cancer,
• 22:11not obscuring leaves,
• 22:12and you a boy.
• 22:14You say?
• 22:15Why can't people use the word
• 22:17courage instead of something
• 22:19vulgar and idiomatic about manhood?
• 22:21Courage, I say is you Max and your wild
• 22:24suit or small boat and terrible forest.
• 22:27A man overnight.
• 22:28No boy could ever scale those walls.
• 22:31You come home and dinner
• 22:33is waiting still waiting.
• 22:34I hope still warm and today
• 22:36my small boy learn to swim.
• 22:39He said the water held me Mama had held me.
• 22:44Speechless. Love Max speech. This
• 22:47could mean one of two things, no, no
• 22:50no no speechless only in
• 22:51the direction that it is.
• 22:53One of the more moving things
• 22:55to happen to me in awhile.
• 22:58You discern me, honor me.
• 23:01I. Just can't just.
• 23:03After told the poem up 3 Max moves to
• 23:08New York or where to get a good
• 23:10pancake in this dump of the city,
• 23:12the trappings of the classroom disappear.
• 23:14The ping pong table and the chalkboard
• 23:17remain welcome to New York.
• 23:18I know you like Halloween.
• 23:20We're having a Halloween party.
• 23:21If you want to hang out with kids
• 23:24and see spooky movies who Hallowe'en,
• 23:26William will be dressed as Peter Pan.
• 23:29I want to see that, but my white
• 23:31count is too low. Right now
• 23:32I'm playing hanky panky
• 23:33with the kids right now.
• 23:35What is hanky panky arriman
• 23:36game? You don't know it.
• 23:39No, OK, what does
• 23:40the hanky panky for a mean for this
• 23:44three syllables? Sinister minister yes
• 23:47what is hanky panky for
• 23:51infinite rainbow guitar pick.
• 23:54I have no idea spectrum plectrum.
• 23:58How did it go to read your Poetry Out
• 24:01Loud last night? It was good.
• 24:03It was nice. I was grateful they asked me.
• 24:07But one poet read a poem and I said it's
• 24:10funny I can't quite hear what you're saying.
• 24:12Trying to get across because
• 24:14of the static in your poem.
• 24:16And she said, I'm not trying
• 24:17to get anything across.
• 24:18I don't want you to get anything.
• 24:21I think that's sad.
• 24:22Yes, it is sad as she is trying
• 24:24to make language for vert in on
• 24:26itself so it doesn't communicate
• 24:27anything if it can sign said the
• 24:30only thing that is left is silence.
• 24:32And I think what he left out is
• 24:34that the only thing left is love.
• 24:37Do you think love is silence?
• 24:39No, I don't think so.
• 24:41I think love is relational and I think
• 24:43to understand the concept of love,
• 24:45we always understand the idea that the
• 24:48person we love is trying to love us.
• 24:50So we understand intention.
• 24:52So I think there is this relational
• 24:54pocket of love that but didn't sign is
• 24:57missing. Like if you drop Martin Buber
• 24:59and his I vow inside postmodernism yes
• 25:01but I don't know if you can put
• 25:03Buber inside of Wittgenstein. When
• 25:05I was your age I walked into
• 25:07my professors office and said I
• 25:09don't believe in postmodernism or
• 25:11deconstruction and she said what
• 25:13if you read about it and I was like
• 25:15this one book terrable irrigant but I
• 25:17still don't believe in postmodernism.
• 25:19You don't do you?
• 25:21I do postmodernism devours everything,
• 25:22it eats everything it.
• 25:24It acknowledges the void,
• 25:25it has an appetite, but no stomach.
• 25:28But it can be playful and loving.
• 25:30It can say here is a coin from behind my ear.
• 25:34Here is a pine cone from behind my ear.
• 25:37Not here is a dialectic. OK, so
• 25:39it's a victory of smallness
• 25:41against self importance, yes,
• 25:42but it's so self important
• 25:44it can be. You're saying it's
• 25:46against the totalizing impulsive,
• 25:47say, cazabon's key to all the
• 25:49mysteries in Middlemarch.
• 25:51I haven't read Middlemarch. I'm a
• 25:53literate. Well, you're hardly
• 25:54illiterate. My friend thought
• 25:55Middlemarch was about bunnies.
• 25:56That's Watership down, yes, yes.
• 26:01But I think it all goes back to the
• 26:03Holocaust and how we deal with the
• 26:05void and still be a joyous mammal.
• 26:07What can we affirm in the face of the void?
• 26:10But the problem is Heidegger and his
• 26:12cronies were not to sympathizers so they
• 26:14can avoid out history. And that's very
• 26:16convenient. But how do we deal
• 26:18with the void and meaninglessness?
• 26:20My two favorite songs are
• 26:22Nat King Cole's smile.
• 26:23While your heart is breaking.
• 26:25And girls just want to have fun.
• 26:27Do you think girls
• 26:27just want to have fun? Is a sad song or a
• 26:30happy song? Exactly.
• 26:34Spell chefs. I'm at Sloan
• 26:37Kettering waiting. I am on a train
• 26:39going past a lot of water in Connecticut.
• 26:42Does Connecticut need to be this big? We
• 26:44are the land of space in America.
• 26:46I have a king sized bed.
• 26:48I have white sheets on it so
• 26:49it looks even more fathomless.
• 26:51It's like sleeping on Moby Dick.
• 26:53How many pools of water? So many
• 26:55empty seats, commuters and
• 26:56marches are both mostly water. I
• 26:57had to sit next to this
• 26:59woman whose purse was on
• 27:00her seat and she seemed affronted and
• 27:02allow that I might sit on the second seat.
• 27:05But her sign made me feel would be
• 27:07a long car ride, so I opted to sit
• 27:10next to a kind gentleman instead.
• 27:12Sorry that Lady was so nasty.
• 27:14If she were a March and you were a
• 27:17mosquito, she would have welcomed you.
• 27:18The desire of people to protect their
• 27:20adjacent seats with purses reminds
• 27:22me of American privilege in general.
• 27:24This unspoken rule that the rich
• 27:25want an empty seat, a buffer between
• 27:27them and the rest of the world.
• 27:29And if you violate this unspoken rule,
• 27:31you get an affronted,
• 27:32sigh and an unpleasant ride.
• 27:35I think you're brave for telling
• 27:36her to keep her empty seat. This
• 27:38time on the Amtrak quiet car,
• 27:40like my fairy godmother.
• 27:42Is it godfather Ish because it transforms
• 27:44into a magically civilized place?
• 27:45Maybe death is an Amtrak quiet car.
• 27:47Then we'd both be right. In a way, yes. But
• 27:50will we know anyone on the
• 27:52car and who is the conductor?
• 27:54No, I think you don't know anyone,
• 27:57but there are familiar dinner rolls
• 27:59and the conductor is a reticent,
• 28:02beautiful Steve Jobs for their books.
• 28:05I think when you die you are a book,
• 28:08so you can't read any other books.
• 28:11Sending you a poem. An automated
• 28:14recording from a hospital near you.
• 28:17An X ray of your soul shows a general
• 28:20radiance while the scan of your
• 28:22breast shows only poetry waiting
• 28:24on the biopsy of your imagination.
• 28:26But we suspect it cannot be contained.
• 28:28Your body cannot contain you.
• 28:30You're way too wide for that.
• 28:32And if there is a Jewish heaven,
• 28:35it is here on Earth on 13th St.
• 28:37You shouting poetry in a
• 28:40crowded room circling.
• 28:41And wearing a pink kimono.
• 28:44A shift Sarah visits Max about soup. Of
• 28:47course you did. Soup is your religion soup
• 28:50and never lets you down. And unlike
• 28:52priests soup never molest children.
• 28:55Your laugh makes my scar hurt.
• 28:58Yelling good thing about the surgery was
• 29:01psychotic services and high holidays.
• 29:03I left the doctor enough to that effect,
• 29:05it told you not to make me laugh.
• 29:08I didn't make you laugh.
• 29:10You made me laugh.
• 29:12You yes they need some.
• 29:16Why do you love soup so much?
• 29:19Is it because soup is the food that
• 29:21most allows your mouth to approximate?
• 29:23Silence chewing is so very similar to speech.
• 29:25Yes, and there's a
• 29:26distillation process of making soup
• 29:28knowing that you were eating something
• 29:30distilled by time and patient human beings.
• 29:32And soup comes in bowls and I love bowls.
• 29:34And then there's the fact that I
• 29:36fell in love with my husband at my
• 29:39birthday party when I turned 26.
• 29:41I was having a soup party.
• 29:43I offered five different soups
• 29:44for dinner to my dream meal.
• 29:46There was roasted tomato soup.
• 29:47And Tony made Indonesian peanut Curry soup,
• 29:49which is the soup of love at the soup party.
• 29:52I was so happy and Tony put candles in
• 29:54my cake and carried the cake out to me,
• 29:57all lit up and that was the night we
• 29:59fell in love and ever since then I have
• 30:02enjoyed my birthday and if I ever run
• 30:04for office my slogan would be consider soup.
• 30:07We should have stayed soups
• 30:09instead of state flowers.
• 30:10Massachusetts would have clam chowder,
• 30:12Texas tortilla soup, matzo ball soup,
• 30:14New York, Illinois could
• 30:15have the Lipton soup secrets.
• 30:17I could go on forever.
• 30:20I was thinking about soup
• 30:22while I was having radiation,
• 30:23which has a very just for you feeling to it.
• 30:27They make a mold of your body that
• 30:29you lay it during every treatment.
• 30:31So you literally not your
• 30:33rib cage into the machine.
• 30:35Two or three attendants lay sheets
• 30:38over you and position your body
• 30:40lovingly every time and and the beam
• 30:43gun is hooked up to this enormous
• 30:46garage door frame and hulking
• 30:48masses of metal were around to get
• 30:50this little blue cylinder pointed.
• 30:53Exactly Goldilocks at your tumor,
• 30:55but most heartbreakingly heartbreakingly
• 30:57beautiful just for you thing is the sound
• 31:01the machine makes when the beam is emitted.
• 31:04Sarah, it sounds exactly like a
• 31:07tiny man with a tremor is opening
• 31:09up a can of soup inside the gun.
• 31:12There's an almost liquid echo.
• 31:13Once he opens the soup as the beam goes in.
• 31:17I swear I almost cried the first time
• 31:19I heard the little soup opening.
• 31:21It was the least likely place in the
• 31:23world to find someone tending to soup.
• 31:26And there it all was.
• 31:28Soups taste is also unlike the
• 31:30harsh specifics of language.
• 31:32If eating salad is like having to recite
• 31:34Gilbert and Sullivan's modern Major General,
• 31:37then eating soup is like just having to hum
• 31:41the first few bars of old King Wenceslas.
• 31:44Nina Simone Song little Girl Blue
• 31:46opens with a really graceful
• 31:47and sad rendition of Alton.
• 31:49Went to sauce and it feels wholly.
• 31:52Holy is soup.
• 31:54Nina
• 31:54Simone's little girl blue plays a
• 31:56soup ritual. Max and Sarah ladle.
• 31:58Some soup and a small cups passing it
• 32:01out to the audience's soup, communion.
• 32:03Or maybe this will not happen.
• 32:05Post pandemic, the Nina
• 32:07Simone song ends a shift.
• 32:10I want to see you lunch brunch,
• 32:12where to get a good pancake
• 32:14in this dump of the city
• 32:16at the Iris Cafe? How is your 23rd birthday
• 32:19great? Me and my new poet friend
• 32:23Elizabeth sang karaoke. Whole new world.
• 32:26A dazzling place I never knew.
• 32:31So I took refuge in Buddhism
• 32:33with a Himalayan trekking.
• 32:35None really. Puzzle.
• 32:37I'd like to read a poem for you and the
• 32:40restaurant, sure. OK you you should.
• 32:43You should rise to receive the poem.
• 32:45Really. Yes, I think I know
• 32:47that person in the corner.
• 32:49Yeah Are you ready?
• 32:50I'm ready. The color of death.
• 32:54Is purple because death is more, not less.
• 32:58Mirrors go purple when they die.
• 33:01I raised a mirror from
• 33:03when she was a liquid baby.
• 33:05I bought her a glass yoyo when she
• 33:08was six called her little treasure.
• 33:10She blossomed into a buxom mirror.
• 33:12I braided her many sickle shaped hairs
• 33:15on the night of mirror prom so she
• 33:18wouldn't look like a tacky disco ball.
• 33:20This is where the story gets factual.
• 33:23She meets a beautiful boy at prom,
• 33:26a spry frizzy pipecleaner me from
• 33:28another dimension set earlier,
• 33:30and the long salt of grief.
• 33:33He walked the dog,
• 33:35then they went around the world.
• 33:37Then they slept. He'll talk.
• 33:39Now would you like to talk?
• 33:42Hi, we drank Chardonnay White brand
• 33:43a wine so dumb you basically eat it.
• 33:46I cleaned her pipes very slowly so she
• 33:49could breathe in time to the beach
• 33:51is staying alive. She went purple.
• 33:55Death is not a purple word.
• 33:57D is a purple letter, so RE&ANT&H,
• 34:00but death is not a purple word.
• 34:04With death something goes wrong
• 34:06somewhere we begin to share it and cry.
• 34:09And crying is never purple.
• 34:12Wow wow, thank you, but did you like it?
• 34:14Yes it was a wine so dumb you basically it
• 34:17is such a great line you didn't like it.
• 34:19No, I loved it. It's just what I was.
• 34:21Maybe a little embarrassed to
• 34:23have it recited to me out loud
• 34:24in the middle of the restaurant.
• 34:28But I embarrassed you.
• 34:30No, that's why I'm not
• 34:31embarrassed. I'm sorry I would never want
• 34:33to embarrass you. I my Midwestern so
• 34:36can only bear so much attention in
• 34:38a small restaurant. I have known.
• 34:39Damn it I. Elizabeth Bishop once
• 34:43wrote to Robert Lowell.
• 34:44I think one weeps over two kinds
• 34:45of embarrassment, and this is so
• 34:47embarrassing in the right way.
• 34:48One wants to read it without
• 34:50really looking at it directly.
• 34:51That's the kind of embarrassing I mean.
• 34:54******** you're totally
• 34:55mortified, I can tell.
• 34:57Perhaps it's worth mentioning here that I
• 34:59come from a people in Midwestern Catholic,
• 35:02Scandinavian, Irish, oh and white
• 35:03were not traditionally demonstrative.
• 35:05Loving. Yes, absolutely,
• 35:06but demonstrations of love more subtle.
• 35:07When my father was diagnosed
• 35:09with cancer when I was 18,
• 35:11we had to learn to say I love you when we
• 35:14got off the phone, it felt odd at first.
• 35:18A muffled bird in the throat,
• 35:20but we got used to it after my father died.
• 35:23My mother and sister and I continued
• 35:24to say the words to each other.
• 35:27But my family is Midwestern tribal.
• 35:28No, I love yous to non blood
• 35:30relatives but Max had no time for
• 35:32the Victorian slow reveal for the
• 35:34palm almost about something red in
• 35:36a quiet voice or put in a drawer.
• 35:38He was the most demonstrative
• 35:40present tense person in the room.
• 35:41The directness of his gaze was such that you
• 35:44couldn't look away and the sicker he got,
• 35:46the more direct his gaze was.
• 35:50I have to go do a new clinical
• 35:51trial in Washington, but I have
• 35:54to get these horrible infusions.
• 35:55Text me to distract me.
• 35:57Why does it? Vitamin C infusion feel bad?
• 35:59High pressure defies the bloodstream.
• 36:01You get chills and insatiable
• 36:03thirst sounds like Tantalus yeah,
• 36:04if you had to lug a boulder to
• 36:07the bathroom and back to the pond.
• 36:10Let's change the subject.
• 36:12Who do you like better,
• 36:13Emily or Charlotte Bronte?
• 36:14A don't have a strong brontes sister opinion,
• 36:17Rilke, Rumi, Rumi, Rilke's,
• 36:18a bit of a fancy pants.
• 36:20I mean, I try to be like broker
• 36:22whether I like it or not,
• 36:24but room we really had it going.
• 36:26Why leshawn or one Stevens your Sally.
• 36:28I'm Andre. Let's have dinner.
• 36:30We can absolutely.
• 36:32Cancer scans the last week of April.
• 36:34It's a big marker.
• 36:36I think it'll go OK,
• 36:37alright feel ********.
• 36:39April
• 36:39scans showed more bad news,
• 36:41more tomorrow the current
• 36:42regimen wasn't working.
• 36:43I met with Max after his
• 36:45bad news and he told me.
• 36:48I'm afraid to die.
• 36:52So I wrote him a long letter.
• 36:55Dearest Max a letter and fair warning,
• 36:57it's about the afterlife,
• 36:58so read on only if you wish
• 37:00to contemplate such things.
• 37:02You told me yesterday you're scared of
• 37:04death that sometimes you leave the house
• 37:06and forget your wallet and you think
• 37:08death might be like that sensation.
• 37:09I left the House but forgot my body,
• 37:12my house, my New York City,
• 37:14my fiance, my mother.
• 37:15The metaphor seemed act walking
• 37:17out of the house, forgetting,
• 37:19but not being quite sure what you forgotten.
• 37:22I think I told you once about a dream
• 37:24I had that comforted me about death.
• 37:26I'd had a biopsy of some breast
• 37:27tissue that was questionable,
• 37:28so I was dreaming and thinking of death.
• 37:31In my dream,
• 37:31I went to a Buddhist temple in India.
• 37:33The steps up were high and gave me Vertigo.
• 37:36When I got to the top I was
• 37:37going to make an offering and I
• 37:39saw that monks were meditating.
• 37:40But the odd thing was they were
• 37:42able to meditate with their
• 37:43heads severed from their bodies.
• 37:44I found this horrifying but also comforting.
• 37:47Their consciousness persistent.
• 37:49After I saw these monks,
• 37:51I saw Golden Buddhas racing.
• 37:52I was going to leave this tower
• 37:55block back down the steps,
• 37:56arranged like Legos as I walked
• 37:58down the lapus Lego shifted under
• 38:00me and I was falling.
• 38:01Holding on to my daughter's
• 38:03hand when I reached the bottom.
• 38:05The stairway was crumbled,
• 38:06gone and I apologize to the
• 38:08monk and he said it's alright.
• 38:10They could arrange newly everyday.
• 38:12I'm not sure why,
• 38:13but I found this dream of Talisman
• 38:15that made me less afraid of death.
• 38:18I know you're not a Buddhist person,
• 38:20you know me.
• 38:21I'm this weird wandering Catholic
• 38:23former atheist Thomas Merton admire
• 38:25who just took refuge in Buddhism.
• 38:27I think you might be and voting
• 38:29software who's come back to
• 38:31help others you Max are good.
• 38:33You don't know how many you've
• 38:36helped already.
• 38:36The more I've looked into
• 38:38this reincarnation business,
• 38:39the more I'm convinced that we've had
• 38:41numberless lifetimes and will have
• 38:43number was more doesn't make death
• 38:44less scary because we still lose everything.
• 38:47We love this feeling of being situated
• 38:49this web of love were cocooned in,
• 38:51but I do believe consciousness persists.
• 38:53I believe we get on a train,
• 38:55and the train is,
• 38:56God knows what the opposite of a train going.
• 38:59God knows where, but I do believe
• 39:01something travels and arrive somewhere.
• 39:03When I met you,
• 39:05you walked into my classroom.
• 39:06This wise luminous person.
• 39:08I thought it is not possible
• 39:10that this young man is 20.
• 39:12You had a wisdom that seemed accumulated
• 39:14from many lifetimes of suffering.
• 39:16Forgive my sermonizing when you
• 39:18told me you were afraid to die.
• 39:20I thought not many people like to
• 39:22discuss death, so I make an opening.
• 39:24If you wanted to talk.
• 39:26I know
• 39:26I'm not qualified.
• 39:27Max gets up and starts to write.
• 39:29There is no God on the
• 39:31chalk board. The other
• 39:32dream that comforted me about
• 39:33death was about my father.
• 39:34I dreamed I saw him after he died in silver
• 39:37letters in the heavens is spelled out.
• 39:39There is no God.
• 39:40I turned to my father in the dream
• 39:43and asked who wrote that in the
• 39:45heavens and he said exactly.
• 39:47But in the asking,
• 39:48the ability of consciousness to
• 39:49frame the phrase there is no God.
• 39:51There was an answer.
• 39:53I will pray to whatever God
• 39:55that your body gets better,
• 39:57and if your body doesn't get better
• 39:59in this lifetime, I will pray.
• 40:01We meet up and recognize each
• 40:03other in the next lifetime,
• 40:04where probably you will be my teacher
• 40:07as you once were previously, OK.
• 40:10I'm waiting for Anna to finish her
• 40:12violin lesson now in the middle
• 40:13of writing that she came in and
• 40:14needed help blowing her nose.
• 40:16You can contemplate existence all
• 40:17you want at the end of the day,
• 40:19someone needs to blow their nose
• 40:20and hand you a dirty tissue.
• 40:23Max answer a tissue. I
• 40:25love you dear Max Sarah.
• 40:29Lights out end of Act one intermission.
• 40:33And that's all I will share with
• 40:35you today. But we have time for
• 40:37questions I think. Thank you so
• 40:39much, thank using thank you.
• 40:43Thank you Max.
• 40:47We invite you to turn your cameras on.
• 40:52And. And I the first phase who I saw
• 40:57coming on is Laurie Cardona who I was.
• 41:01Hoping would say something will
• 41:03wait for other cameras too.
• 41:05To turn on and I, I think that I saw
• 41:09doctor Stamp Osick in their doctor Pasic.
• 41:12If you're around,
• 41:13we'd love to to see you as well. And as.
• 41:21Wow, as we take it all in and
• 41:24as we think about the gift
• 41:26that you you both gave us.
• 41:29Let me turn it on. Doctor Cardona.
• 41:31I I see that you are just
• 41:34us for clamped as I am.
• 41:35But please from one for Clem
• 41:37T to another for Clem.
• 41:39Tight words that Max would
• 41:41have appreciated please.
• 41:44The problem is that Max
• 41:47didn't like machina's and so
• 41:49unfortunately that's where I am.
• 41:52He changed my life in a
• 41:55powerful and enduring way.
• 41:57So Sarah, thank you for capturing.
• 42:02All that was Max.
• 42:04Yeah yeah thanks.
• 42:09This is fantastic, but I can't.
• 42:11I'm not at that. It's telling me that I
• 42:14can't put my video on so we can hear you.
• 42:17It's OK, OK? So it, uh,
• 42:20obviously it was a pleasure to to
• 42:24hear to hear Sarah Ruhl and Anne.
• 42:28Zane. Oh, now I can start it.
• 42:32Yeah started so that we can
• 42:34see your Shayna Platinum's.
• 42:36Max would have said your beautiful face.
• 42:39So there you are. Thank you for playing Max.
• 42:46I knew Max for several years,
• 42:49mostly during the time that he was at Yale,
• 42:52then for a few years afterwards
• 42:54until he passed away, and.
• 42:57Max was one of those people who without
• 43:01really knowing he was doing it,
• 43:03were intending to changes your life and
• 43:06the thing that there were a number of
• 43:09things about Max that struck me, but.
• 43:14He was an incredibly courageous
• 43:16young man and it wasn't a surprise
• 43:19that when he graduated from college,
• 43:21Yale has a prize for the
• 43:25most courageous student.
• 43:27University and he was one of the winners
• 43:30of the prize for courage and what
• 43:34struck me most about his courage in
• 43:38this was that particularly after the
• 43:41beginning of his senior year in college.
• 43:45He sensed that his his death would be
• 43:49relatively soon and and yet he also knew
• 43:53that he wanted to create poetry and.
• 43:57The thing that was so courageous
• 43:59about what he did was in spite of the
• 44:02fact that he was facing death, he.
• 44:06He tried really,
• 44:07really hard to write about his experiences,
• 44:10and there's a dramatic shift from
• 44:12Missouri Lee writing about about
• 44:15having cancer,
• 44:15which which focused very much
• 44:18on how angry he felt.
• 44:20Too much more,
• 44:21a much broader kind of experience
• 44:23of what he was going through,
• 44:26and what other people like
• 44:28him were going through.
• 44:30And there was there was
• 44:32a beauty in his poetry,
• 44:34and in the language that.
• 44:36That he created and there was the the
• 44:40feelings he was describing were so
• 44:43deep and felt so genuine that it was.
• 44:47It was hard not to be incredibly
• 44:51moved by it so.
• 44:54He was, you know, just a great young man.
• 44:57Again,
• 44:57all all senses of the word grade,
• 45:00and it was a privilege for me to have
• 45:03known him and spend a lot of time
• 45:06with him during during his years at
• 45:09Yale and during the few years afterwards.
• 45:11So thank you.
• 45:13And thank you both for for portraying.
• 45:18Max is his writings in his poetry.
• 45:22Insane and Sarah free.
• 45:24You know,
• 45:25doing what you do so well,
• 45:27thank you.
• 45:28Thank you. Nice to see you.
• 45:46And I also wonder if it's easier for
• 45:48people to put questions in the chat.
• 45:50Sometimes that's away when
• 45:51there are a lot of people.
• 45:55Absolutely.
• 45:57And. I was just. Speaking
• 46:02of witty and whimsical,
• 46:03there are these these words
• 46:05that are in the book of your
• 46:07correspondence that I love Sarah.
• 46:11Max says I love you.
• 46:14We are to a two person crew.
• 46:18I play the kazoo cereplast,
• 46:21the didgeridoo. Which of
• 46:25course, is when you retort,
• 46:27as you did an X ray of your soul,
• 46:30shows a general radiance.
• 46:32While the scan of your
• 46:34breath shows only poetry.
• 46:38Zane, I would thank Zane,
• 46:40but I'm going to thank Max instead.
• 46:42Max Tulsa. Tell us what do you
• 46:44think of this dude design?
• 46:49This is post post constructed
• 46:51this, yeah, that's way that's
• 46:54above my my mental abilities.
• 46:57I can't speak for Max, you know.
• 47:01Obviously I I didn't.
• 47:04I never get to meet him,
• 47:06but just from the few times
• 47:07I've gotten to work on this,
• 47:09it's just been incredible too. I'm.
• 47:14Be able to read his language and I think
• 47:16that there is something in his writing
• 47:19that immediately allows someone reading it.
• 47:22I'm like an actor to empathize
• 47:25with it because it was such.
• 47:27Emotionally,
• 47:28raw and emotionally available material.
• 47:32Anne. That it's kind of.
• 47:35Works really well to be no dramatizes
• 47:37the right word because it's not.
• 47:40That's not really.
• 47:41I don't think what we're
• 47:43what I'm trying to do,
• 47:45but just to honor what he what
• 47:47he intended with his writing.
• 47:49That was. It's just.
• 47:51It's been really lovely
• 47:52and it's been really great.
• 47:54It was really great,
• 47:55so I read this with Sarah.
• 47:58This time we've never.
• 47:59We never read,
• 48:00I'd never read with Sarah before this week.
• 48:03This this project.
• 48:04So it is really.
• 48:06Really moving in a special
• 48:07way to do it with
• 48:09you, Sarah, well, you too and I love
• 48:11what you say about you know it's not,
• 48:14we're not dramatizing it because
• 48:16I I felt like I was worried about
• 48:18even the idea of dramatizing it
• 48:20because the letters are so intimate
• 48:22an you know personal but I thought.
• 48:24Well if I thought of it like a
• 48:27poetry reading and you read Poetry
• 48:29Out Loud you you give voice to.
• 48:32And I just love how Zane gave voice to Max,
• 48:35you know, as opposed to this idea of acting.
• 48:39That we have an.
• 48:40You're so present as an actor that
• 48:43it's really easy to read with you
• 48:45because you're so there every minute,
• 48:47and that was a gift that Max had in
• 48:50spades for all of us who knew him.
• 48:52He was so so present, which is,
• 48:54I think, one reason why kids were
• 48:56always following him around because
• 48:58he was just just like right there,
• 49:01right there with you.
• 49:03And I should say that in the annals
• 49:06of small world two I met saying,
• 49:08I think because means Mom is also
• 49:11an actress and worked on a play.
• 49:13I did that I wrote as a gift for my mother.
• 49:17My mother is here. Which is which is nice.
• 49:21So mothers, mothers and sons,
• 49:23mothers and daughters.
• 49:27Well, Sarah, for someone who claims
• 49:30never who have acted or been on stage,
• 49:33just writing behind the stage,
• 49:35I salute you and someone
• 49:37who did not meet Max.
• 49:40I believe you Sir.
• 49:41Because it was being in
• 49:43the room with brother.
• 49:45Thanks, thank you.
• 49:51Bob King Aman, who knows words,
• 49:53loves words, lives in words,
• 49:56a psychoanalyst, a thinker, my friend. Uh.
• 50:07Unmute this other problem
• 50:08with words that was just so
• 50:11terribly moving.
• 50:12It really brought Max back to
• 50:15life and and on the notice that
• 50:18you sent out for the grand round,
• 50:22seeing him and Alan Slifka together.
• 50:25I I I remember Shabbat suppers at
• 50:28the Smith Co. Center together an.
• 50:32Trust the kredible warm thing.
• 50:38There's a word in Greek which
• 50:41maybe doesn't quite fit.
• 50:42The notion of but of megalo cycles,
• 50:47which means great soul,
• 50:49and there certainly was that about
• 50:53about Max and seeing now and together
• 50:57and just sort of viewing not only kind
• 51:02of the enveloping emotional warmth,
• 51:06but also the the wisdom is well,
• 51:10it brought it all. Back to me.
• 51:15So thank you very much for
• 51:18bringing not just Max back to life,
• 51:22but since I think Max lived most
• 51:26in in discourse with others,
• 51:29you kind of can't just revitalize or
• 51:33reincarnates somebody in isolation.
• 51:36But for bringing him back to
• 51:39life for us in discourse.
• 51:43With others,
• 51:44and with the people he loved the most,
• 51:46so so thank you.
• 51:48That was just just wonderful.
• 51:53That's an amazing Greek word
• 51:55that now I want to look up.
• 51:58Make a little megalomaniacal
• 51:59sikus great great sword right? So I
• 52:02think that's such an important
• 52:04point you make about Max being so
• 52:07alive in dialogue with others.
• 52:10You know just insisting on dialogue,
• 52:12an it is one of the magic
• 52:15things about the theater,
• 52:17and one thing I miss now that the
• 52:20theaters closes that theater does have
• 52:23sort of this weird magic of incarnation.
• 52:27You know it's not like a film where you
• 52:30see one movie star 2 apart and that's it.
• 52:32You just keep watching.
• 52:34It's like a play passes through many bodies,
• 52:36many incarnations you can.
• 52:38You know the language glues
• 52:40those people together so.
• 52:42I do think there is a sense in
• 52:44which dialogue was a great a
• 52:47great form to pay tribute to Max.
• 52:50If I could just wax philosophical
• 52:52for for a second about that.
• 52:54I mean, I think maybe that is the you know,
• 52:58for those of us who are in doubt
• 53:01about the afterlife, I think in a way,
• 53:04maybe that's the only immortality we have.
• 53:07Hans Lowell, who is a local analyst and.
• 53:12A teacher of of many people here in
• 53:15New Haven said that the Greek root
• 53:18for a consciousness was chansky array,
• 53:21which he he derived from being in
• 53:24conversation or discourse with others.
• 53:27So you know there's this solipsistic
• 53:29notion we have about our consciousness
• 53:32is some sort of Cartesian little
• 53:35guy stuck away in our head,
• 53:38but maybe a more more wittgensteinian
• 53:40and child,
• 53:41developmental view of consciousness would be.
• 53:44It's something that that that's
• 53:46an interpersonal phenomena,
• 53:48and so in that sense,
• 53:50I think both our consciousness
• 53:52and maybe our immortality,
• 53:54such as it is,
• 53:56is is in conversation with others.
• 53:58So I think that that adds even another
• 54:02layer to the magic that you won't for us.
• 54:06Thank you.
• 54:07Well, I want to
• 54:09give that the last word, because
• 54:11that was so beautifully said.
• 54:15I, I agree, but I want to give
• 54:17that the 2nd to last word.
• 54:19I'm sorry I'm going to take
• 54:22the chairman prerogative here.
• 54:23Thank you, thank you Bob and I
• 54:26think that it's woven into some,
• 54:28you know, someone that Bob and I are
• 54:30very close to as many people here,
• 54:33and that's Donald Cohen and in his
• 54:35collected books of life is with others,
• 54:37right? That that is the immortality
• 54:39of the connection,
• 54:40and I think that that happened today.
• 54:42We had a poetic seance of sorts
• 54:44that was just so beautiful.
• 54:46I want to thank you both so much, but no,
• 54:50don't think that the last word goes to me.
• 54:52I said enough, the last word goes to.
• 54:55The person without whom none of this,
• 54:58including Max,
• 54:59would have been.
• 55:01Possible and that is Ari Ari.
• 55:03Thank you so much and please give
• 55:05us a send off and then Ari and
• 55:08Sarah and a couple of us are going
• 55:10to stay after for a few minutes
• 55:13but before we close it formally
• 55:15police already take it away.
• 55:19First of all I. Am I on? Can you hear me?
• 55:26Am I on? Yes, you're
• 55:28freezing a little
• 55:29bit. Alright, that's not my Internet because
• 55:32we have perfect Internet connection.
• 55:36No matter how many times there you are.
• 55:39No matter how many times. Pardon.
• 55:44No matter how many times I read
• 55:46this book. Letters.
• 55:50Every time I found something new in it.
• 55:53Every time I was moved to tears
• 55:56recently Sarah sent me the the play.
• 55:59And I have to say that that
• 56:02what I read of it was
• 56:04some moving. But today I didn't
• 56:07expect to fall apart like I did.
• 56:09I really fell apart but in a good way,
• 56:12because you guys brought Max back.
• 56:15To us today in those moments and Zane,
• 56:19I want to thank you so so much.
• 56:22It's very hard for a mother to watch
• 56:25someone play her son when her son is dead
• 56:29but but that's what Max would have wanted.
• 56:33There are, you know how grateful I am to you.
• 56:36You've worked through the journey
• 56:38with us when Max was alive.
• 56:40We've had our soup, soup things and what not.
• 56:45And an you worked so **** **
• 56:47the book and now the play.
• 56:49And now we have that now.
• 56:52Now what does it mean in terms of this thing?
• 56:55That's ten and I talked about informally
• 56:58for a year before I brought it up
• 57:01with Andreas and Linda and Glory and
• 57:03everybody else to create this this
• 57:06endowment so that this could happen.
• 57:08What does it mean this was not
• 57:11intended to be a grand grand round
• 57:14for people to fall apart?
• 57:15But for people to appreciate art as a
• 57:18healing instead instrument of healing,
• 57:21Max was always talking about
• 57:23his legacy stand.
• 57:24Can confirm that Max was very
• 57:27worried that he was too young and you
• 57:30wouldn't have a legacy and the world
• 57:33would go on without Mmax Ness in it.
• 57:37You proved today.
• 57:38Otherwise, he's his art and he set me mom.
• 57:41Make sure my art is in the world.
• 57:44I don't care how many.
• 57:46How many elbows you Boston?
• 57:48How many?
• 57:48How many people you bother and how
• 57:51be as Jewish as you need to be.
• 57:54But get my work out there.
• 57:56What's not out there?
• 57:57He managed to get a lot of it done himself,
• 58:01surprised himself with this gorgeous
• 58:03gorgeous first book for reincarnation.
• 58:05He managed to get.
• 58:06The idea and the letters with you,
• 58:09Sarah and you guys managed to create
• 58:12the idea that this would be a book
• 58:15he just didn't couldn't hang on
• 58:17fast enough long enough for you
• 58:19to bring it to fruition.
• 58:21To be the art that it has become.
• 58:24So I'd like to look at today,
• 58:27not just as a tribute to Max and Alan and
• 58:31all the others who we want to be with us,
• 58:34physically or not with us, but also.
• 58:37As as a legacy to someone who created art,
• 58:41we brought that art into the room.
• 58:44All the all,
• 58:46their residents and fellows
• 58:47and whomever is on this call,
• 58:50ANAN faculty and guests have watched an.
• 58:53Hopefully it provided them,
• 58:55if not healing in itself.
• 58:57Some tools for healing,
• 58:59some ideas of how art can can affect
• 59:03us in a mental and physical way.
• 59:06How we can use it.
• 59:08As as a healing tool and today
• 59:11art was poetry,
• 59:12but for Max Art wasn't his
• 59:15expression of it was poetry,
• 59:17but his expression of it was also
• 59:19music Max composed beautiful music.
• 59:22Very few people know that,
• 59:24but I I have's piano compositions
• 59:26in his song compositions.
• 59:28He also adored visual art.
• 59:30So art in any form an and what's
• 59:33important with this program is that we
• 59:36keep the legacy of art as a healing.
• 59:39Form. For for, for the future,
• 59:44in honoring Marks and honoring Max
• 59:46is legacy an an honoring all who
• 59:49were a part of his life and dress.
• 59:53You were also a big part of his life.
• 59:58I remember you and Rebecca take
• 01:00:00him to your home a lot when he was
• 01:00:03in college and stand goes without
• 01:00:05saying he actually wrote you.
• 01:00:08Poems left poetry that that poem
• 01:00:10with the yellow pad and what not.
• 01:00:13He really,
• 01:00:14really recalled details and left
• 01:00:15them for posterity and eternity,
• 01:00:17and I think that's the beauty of
• 01:00:20Max is that he wanted to touch every
• 01:00:23single person he loved and he didn't
• 01:00:26want them to ever let go of him.
• 01:00:29He didn't want us to be sad.
• 01:00:32He begged me to to try and rebuild
• 01:00:35their life once he was gone,
• 01:00:37'cause he knew he was gone.
• 01:00:39But he did want us to know that
• 01:00:42he loved us with such passion.
• 01:00:45Anne, Anne,
• 01:00:45Anne and Annie memorialized us instead
• 01:00:48of us memorializing him while he was dying.
• 01:00:51By writing poems to us by by letting
• 01:00:54us know how you felt about us by
• 01:00:57doing ceremonial things with us.
• 01:00:59And that was a part of Max that
• 01:01:01that will never be lost.
• 01:01:03You know, this Mother's Day.
• 01:01:04I really,
• 01:01:05really miss not getting my
• 01:01:06usual first in the morning.
• 01:01:08Email with the new palm in it.
• 01:01:10So read all the old ones that he
• 01:01:12wrote me for Mother's Day and there
• 01:01:14are plenty of him 'cause he started a
• 01:01:17very very young age so I won't go on and on.
• 01:01:20Because of course,
• 01:01:21as a grieving mother I could,
• 01:01:22but I really am grateful Sarah.
• 01:01:24I love you so much and I'm
• 01:01:26so grateful to you.
• 01:01:27I think this is going to be a beautiful play.
• 01:01:31And.
• 01:01:33Linda,
• 01:01:33thank you for making this happen
• 01:01:36and I don't see you but but you
• 01:01:39know how I feel about how you've
• 01:01:41been with all of the different
• 01:01:44projects that I I put on the plate.
• 01:01:46You're always so receptive
• 01:01:48and always willing to do it.
• 01:01:53Thank you, I really appreciate it.
• 01:01:55I'm you're you're you're the most.
• 01:01:59Heterogeneous chair of the Child
• 01:02:01Study Center I've ever seen with
• 01:02:03the with your interest in history
• 01:02:05and Indian Reservation and and
• 01:02:07memorializing people and arts and and.
• 01:02:09And you just always, you have very open.
• 01:02:11Very open, very expanded mind.
• 01:02:13And I want to thank you for that. Thank
• 01:02:16you all right through your support.
• 01:02:18We are so grateful to have
• 01:02:20you with us and always thank
• 01:02:22you. Thank you. Yeah,
• 01:02:25I think I'm. I'm done rambling.
• 01:02:29That was beautiful rambling and
• 01:02:30we thank you Ari and again,
• 01:02:32Sarah Zane. We thank you so much
• 01:02:34we're going to hang around for anyone
• 01:02:37who wants to join us for some more.
• 01:02:39Some more of this, but thank you to all
• 01:02:42of you and we will see you at next year.
• 01:02:45So memorial lecture and all the wonderful
• 01:02:47things that will happen between now and
• 01:02:49then. Thank you all.