Transformation Through Art: A Personal and Professional Perspective

Transcript

• 00:00All right. So thanks everyone for
• 00:03joining us today and that thanks
• 00:05for everyone on Zoom as well as in the room.
• 00:08Very much Want to welcome you to
• 00:10the annual Max Ripfo lecture that's
• 00:12dedicated to the memory of Max Ripfo,
• 00:15a Yale graduate and a poet who through
• 00:17his poetry gave such deep voice to his
• 00:20long and painful struggle with cancer,
• 00:23but also to the deep human
• 00:25connection on that poetry can bring
• 00:27and can bring us all together.
• 00:30Max actually thrived on
• 00:32bringing people together.
• 00:34We're also very grateful
• 00:36to Doctor Ari Ritfo, who is with us online
• 00:39on Max's mother and longtime friend and
• 00:42faculty member of the Child Study Center
• 00:44for establishing this lectureship that
• 00:47brings together the humanities and mental
• 00:50health and really helps us to see that
• 00:53humanity in that interface. So Ari,
• 00:56I know you're online and thank you so much.
• 00:59For your continued support and your continued
• 01:02partnership and devotion to helping us all
• 01:05stay connected with our shared humanity,
• 01:07I think Max would actually be very,
• 01:09very happy about that.
• 01:11And Ari, I don't know if,
• 01:12if at this point you'd like to say something,
• 01:14I would love to hear from you.
• 01:22Can you hear us? Sorry, yes, I
• 01:25had. I had. It takes me a while.
• 01:27And that too. So unmute,
• 01:29mute, all these things.
• 01:32Really thrilled to be in this room.
• 01:35Sorry I couldn't be with you in person.
• 01:37Welcome to everybody.
• 01:38I think you're in for a terrific,
• 01:41terrific hour. Eva really rocks.
• 01:46We started this program
• 01:47for medical humanities a few years ago
• 01:50to commemorate Alan and Max and their
• 01:54interest in people as a hall despite their.
• 01:59Disability or illnesses that they suffered
• 02:02through and we wanted to bring artists.
• 02:06Andreas Martin introduced me to some things
• 02:09that were going on at Yale at the time
• 02:12that were quite exciting in that vein.
• 02:16And we we decided to make this
• 02:20endowment to see if we can have.
• 02:23People speak about holistic approach.
• 02:26So far we've done very well with our speakers
• 02:29and Eva was a natural choice her her,
• 02:33she will talk about bald beauty
• 02:36which we also sponsor our foundation.
• 02:39I find it a remarkable project and very,
• 02:43very relevant to to this endowment.
• 02:48And so it was at A2 Fer.
• 02:51For me, because there's the bald
• 02:52beauty and then there is Eva,
• 02:54who is Max's half sister,
• 02:57and Joy, who she will talk about,
• 03:00I think, I hope she does,
• 03:02who was Max's favorite niece and
• 03:05the the two of them were very
• 03:08close and bald Beauty reframes.
• 03:10Disability is different ability,
• 03:12which I thought was perfect
• 03:14for this room today.
• 03:15So I'm really excited about it.
• 03:17Looking forward to it.
• 03:19And you're right,
• 03:21Linda,
• 03:21Max and Alan would both be so
• 03:24thrilled with with this program and
• 03:27how it's developing and with today.
• 03:31Thank you so much, Ari. And and you,
• 03:32you are the one who made this possible.
• 03:34So you are actually with us in the
• 03:36room even though you're with us
• 03:38virtually we're holding you in our mind.
• 03:40So actually you've already introduced Dr.
• 03:42Eva Ripfo, but I I really want
• 03:44to just say a few more things.
• 03:46And you've heard about Eva's
• 03:48connection with Max and you'll hear
• 03:50more about that as the talk goes on.
• 03:53But I would just say that as we plan
• 03:54today's sessions over the last few months,
• 03:56it's just been a pleasure to work together.
• 03:58It's really been a wonderful collaboration.
• 04:01And I know when you start to hear her,
• 04:03you're going to see why it's so much fun.
• 04:06Doctor Riffo is a practicing psychiatrist
• 04:08working in Miami with individuals,
• 04:11couples, families and grounds for
• 04:12work in the consulting room and
• 04:15also publicly on building and
• 04:17sustaining healthy relationships.
• 04:18That should be very much consonant in
• 04:21music to all the way we think as the book
• 04:24that she's brought with you and brought
• 04:26with her and it's on the back table there.
• 04:28Her book Be Kinder emphasizes that kindness.
• 04:32It's the glue that holds us together.
• 04:34It's a glue to community health.
• 04:36To individual health to
• 04:38sustain relationships.
• 04:39And now,
• 04:40I would say now more than ever
• 04:42in our fractured times,
• 04:43this is a message that we deeply need.
• 04:47As you heard from the other doctor,
• 04:49Ripfo are a doctor.
• 04:51Ripfo even has also established
• 04:53the Bold Beauty Project,
• 04:55and you'll hear about that
• 04:56in much more detail.
• 04:57But it celebrates women and
• 04:59celebrates their individuality of
• 05:01women with varying disabilities.
• 05:03And it encourages all of us to look
• 05:05at each person's individuality.
• 05:07That goes much deeper than what you
• 05:10actually see on the creativity of this
• 05:13project that she's brought together,
• 05:14I think you're going to hear about.
• 05:16But it is very fitting with this
• 05:19lecture series that brings the
• 05:21humanities and medicine together.
• 05:23So, Eva, thank you really for joining us.
• 05:25Thank you for being a part of the child.
• 05:34Thank you everybody.
• 05:35Thank you Linda for that beautiful
• 05:37introduction. Thank you Stan,
• 05:38who already brought me a gift.
• 05:41Which was so nice.
• 05:42Thank you, Andreas.
• 05:44Thank you, Patrice Una, everybody.
• 05:46Thank you for coming out and
• 05:49thank you for listening on Zoom.
• 05:51As you see, this is going to be a
• 05:54personal and professional perspective.
• 05:56So it's a little bit more intimate than I'm
• 05:59usually used to in these presentations.
• 06:01So I'm a little bit nervous.
• 06:04My father always used to start
• 06:06every lecture with as unaccustomed
• 06:08to public speaking as I am,
• 06:11but it's been three years
• 06:12and it's been a pandemic,
• 06:13so I am slightly unaccustomed,
• 06:15so hopefully that won't present any problems.
• 06:18I do especially want to thank Ari,
• 06:20because without her,
• 06:21none of us would be here.
• 06:22Max wouldn't be here, I wouldn't be here.
• 06:25She is our number one supporter,
• 06:26the Gold Beauty Project,
• 06:27not just US supporter,
• 06:28but our number one supporter since
• 06:30the beginning of the project.
• 06:32So we're deeply grateful to her and for
• 06:34creating this lectureship here at Yale.
• 06:36So without any further ado,
• 06:38we will get started.
• 06:39But I do want to say one thing,
• 06:41which is this is a project
• 06:43that is meant to spread.
• 06:45It is not meant to be kept to us.
• 06:48Patrice and I feel we're
• 06:49here just as conduits.
• 06:51So we're really hoping that this
• 06:52project sparks interest here with
• 06:54some of you at Yale or some of your
• 06:57friends or somebody listening on Zoom,
• 06:59because that is how our
• 07:02project gets perpetuated, so.
• 07:04Our teaching objectives today are
• 07:06to one share personal experiences.
• 07:09Because as you heard,
• 07:11Max is my half brother and so he is not here,
• 07:14so we feel we have to speak for him.
• 07:17So I'm going to share from a
• 07:19more personal perspective.
• 07:20You will learn about the Bold Beauty project.
• 07:22If you look around the room,
• 07:23we have images from the project.
• 07:26Each image is always displayed
• 07:27with a biography of our model.
• 07:30And so you can look at those
• 07:32after the program.
• 07:33And then lastly,
• 07:34since we're here at the Child Study Center,
• 07:37we're going to talk about change.
• 07:39How does change occur?
• 07:40Why do we do this project?
• 07:42And you can spread that to
• 07:45really any form of art.
• 07:46How does any form of art help people change?
• 07:49And I think that's really the
• 07:50mission of the lectureship.
• 07:51So it is with complete irony
• 07:53that it all comes together so
• 07:56beautifully today and really.
• 07:58And I do want to talk first about Max.
• 08:01Max was my half brother.
• 08:03There was a large age difference,
• 08:06so people get confused.
• 08:08But Max was here as an undergraduate.
• 08:11He studied poetry.
• 08:12He had had Ewing Sarcoma
• 08:14in his high school years,
• 08:16was in remission when he came here to Yale,
• 08:19and then unfortunately the cancer
• 08:22came back during his time here.
• 08:24But that did not stop Max.
• 08:27He went on to graduate.
• 08:28He then went to Columbia where he got an
• 08:31MFA and he actually ended up on the
• 08:34Columbia faculty and at the same time he
• 08:36had all this professional accomplishment.
• 08:38He also fell in love,
• 08:42got married, and wrote a lot.
• 08:45Sadly, the four books now were all
• 08:49published after his life ended.
• 08:51He died at 25 years old.
• 08:55Most recently,
• 08:56his book Letters from Max turned
• 08:59into a Off Broadway production.
• 09:04234 of my doctor friends in this room.
• 09:06I think I've seen that already,
• 09:08so I appreciate you all coming again.
• 09:10Patrice was there.
• 09:11Andreas has seen it.
• 09:12Was quite moving.
• 09:14Letters from Max was written with Sarah Ruhl.
• 09:18Sarah Ruhl is a professor here
• 09:19as hopefully you know playwright,
• 09:21and she befriended Max.
• 09:23Max was in her class.
• 09:26And he was an extraordinary young person.
• 09:29And so they struck up a friendship that
• 09:31lasted till the end of Max's life.
• 09:34And they communicated mainly by letters,
• 09:36sometimes emails, sometimes text,
• 09:38sometimes phone calls,
• 09:39and sometimes in person.
• 09:41And Max knew that this
• 09:43would turn into a book.
• 09:45And now it has turned into a
• 09:48show and very powerful and.
• 09:52New York Times reviewed, Etcetera.
• 09:54So we hope that the show has legs.
• 09:56Certainly Max has an enormous legacy
• 09:58for a man who only reached 25.
• 10:02And I think that speaks to what
• 10:03we're going to talk about today,
• 10:04which is that vulnerability comes
• 10:07creates an opportunity for connection.
• 10:10Max being so sick, so young,
• 10:12facing death so young,
• 10:14was so incredibly vulnerable
• 10:17and used that to connect.
• 10:19And he had an incredible reach during
• 10:22his lifetime on podcasts and writing,
• 10:25going places.
• 10:26When he passed away,
• 10:29his colleagues,
• 10:29many of whom went to school here,
• 10:32took his books on the road and
• 10:34did signings across the country.
• 10:36And you really couldn't go almost
• 10:38anywhere in 2016 without 20
• 10:40year olds knowing who Max was.
• 10:42So.
• 10:42It's a huge honor to be speaking here
• 10:46and trying to carry on his vision,
• 10:48which is that there is a huge role
• 10:52for humanities in medicine even as
• 10:56we're facing terminal illnesses.
• 10:59Max and I shared father that's Ed Rit Foe.
• 11:03Ed Rit Foe,
• 11:05many of you may know for his research
• 11:08and autism my father went to.
• 11:10Harvard Knight. Yale. I apologize.
• 11:11We're going to have a few Harvard
• 11:14folks here today. And he was a rebel.
• 11:16And he went out to Los Angeles and
• 11:19got on the faculty at UCLA and was,
• 11:21you know,
• 11:22had grown up in that psychoanalytic era
• 11:25where mental illness came from bad mothers.
• 11:27And he didn't buy that.
• 11:29And so he set out to show the
• 11:33biological cause of autism and
• 11:35he went to Utah and studied.
• 11:38Autism in families where he found
• 11:41multiple incidents and was able
• 11:43to show that there was a genetic
• 11:45pattern to this.
• 11:46So I remember my father saying that
• 11:49he could judge his success by the
• 11:51amount of hate mail he received.
• 11:53So that was my dad.
• 11:55And he also had tremendous
• 11:57struggle with illness in his life.
• 12:00He had his first heart attack
• 12:02in his 40s and went on to have
• 12:04a heart transplant at 69.
• 12:06And he crossed the finish line
• 12:08at 90 and died 10 days later.
• 12:12So he really broke a lot of barriers.
• 12:16This book that Stan just brought
• 12:17me is by another man who had a
• 12:19heart transplant at Cedars Sinai,
• 12:21where my father had his heart transplant.
• 12:23So our family is never
• 12:25been a stranger to illness.
• 12:27I remember my own therapist
• 12:28telling me many years ago that
• 12:30there's not much distance between
• 12:32you and the patient on the couch.
• 12:34And that is certainly true.
• 12:36So that's also been My greatest
• 12:39teacher is my daughter Joy,
• 12:41who is not here with us today
• 12:43because travel is difficult for her.
• 12:45And spoiler alert,
• 12:46she's leaving on the honeymoon,
• 12:48so she didn't want to come.
• 12:50But let me back out first.
• 12:53Doctor Abrams and I were in Cornell
• 12:55together doing our psychiatry training,
• 12:57and we both had babies at the same time.
• 12:59And sadly for the program director,
• 13:01so did seven others of us.
• 13:04So it was something in the
• 13:05water at that time.
• 13:06We all had our babies and
• 13:08everything was pretty wonderful.
• 13:09And then I moved down to University of Miami,
• 13:11where I joined the faculty.
• 13:12And the week before I joined the faculty,
• 13:15I found out that my daughter had cerebral
• 13:18palsy, a form called hemiparicist.
• 13:20She had an area in her brain
• 13:22that failed to develop.
• 13:24They called it for encephaly.
• 13:25It was a small hole, but it caused
• 13:27weakness on the left side of her body.
• 13:29So that was at six months.
• 13:31Ari jumped in.
• 13:33Ironic, right?
• 13:34And she found us a physical therapist,
• 13:36Occupational therapist?
• 13:37A woman named Lois Gold.
• 13:38And well, my daughter was born Marissa,
• 13:43so she changed her name to Joy.
• 13:45But she was born Marissa,
• 13:46so she started therapy when she was
• 13:49six months old and was going to the
• 13:52usual OT speech therapy, etcetera.
• 13:54And things were okay, you know.
• 13:56So she was weak on her left
• 13:58half wasn't that bad.
• 13:59And then at 2 1/2,
• 14:00she developed her first seizure.
• 14:03And then she went through
• 14:06multiple medications,
• 14:08at which point, at five years old,
• 14:10it was called medically intractable epilepsy,
• 14:12meaning that they could not
• 14:15fix it with medication.
• 14:17Now the hard part of the talk,
• 14:18which Doctor Glickson has
• 14:19encouraged me to go through.
• 14:22At 5, she went to the hospital to have brain
• 14:25surgery to clean up the area for encephaly,
• 14:30to see if the margins could be cleaner,
• 14:32therefore not to have these massive
• 14:35seizures that you were having.
• 14:37Sidebar, the seizures were life
• 14:39threatening because they wouldn't stop.
• 14:41So every time she had a
• 14:43seizure from 2 1/2 to five,
• 14:44we had to be 10 minutes from.
• 14:45An emergency room and we'd have to call
• 14:48the paramedics and they would give
• 14:49her I V sometimes through the veins,
• 14:51sometimes other ways that weren't so pretty.
• 14:53And we would have to work very
• 14:55hard to get her seizures to stop.
• 14:57So they were very life threatening seizures.
• 14:59So we underwent this procedure
• 15:01and 36 hours after the first
• 15:05operation she arrested and it
• 15:10was 5 in the morning,
• 15:12the surgeons came back to me and said,
• 15:13what do you want us to do?
• 15:14I'm like. I don't know.
• 15:17And there was a young woman there.
• 15:18I said, what would you do?
• 15:19And she said you got to go
• 15:20back to the operating room.
• 15:21So I said take her back.
• 15:22So she went back to the operating room.
• 15:25And this is where we ended up.
• 15:28This is the first time I've
• 15:30chosen to share this information.
• 15:32So you can see you guys are doctors here,
• 15:35that she lost a large portion of her brain,
• 15:37no longer small portion.
• 15:39This was at age 5, Ari,
• 15:42and my father flew out immediately again.
• 15:44And I remember my father
• 15:46standing at the bedside saying,
• 15:47well, we don't really know
• 15:48what's going to happen now.
• 15:50Time will tell.
• 15:51She will recover,
• 15:53but it's going to be a long road.
• 15:55It was a long road.
• 15:56So the therapist that Ari had
• 15:59found tripled down multiple,
• 16:00multiple hours of therapy every single day
• 16:03that when I brought home from the hospital,
• 16:06she weighed 32 pounds.
• 16:07She had literally no brain functioning
• 16:09because she had been herniating.
• 16:11So the good part of her brain was squished.
• 16:14I remember one time driving and
• 16:15she tried to open the car door.
• 16:17Five years old.
• 16:18So this was a very trying time.
• 16:21I remember thinking,
• 16:22why do people think hell is somewhere else?
• 16:26Clearly I'm in.
• 16:26It didn't need to die to get here.
• 16:29I'm there.
• 16:31Sidebar.
• 16:31I had a one year old at home and I
• 16:34was still working at the university,
• 16:37so it was a lot tough times.
• 16:40That continues for quite a long time.
• 16:43Very tough.
• 16:43And then things got better.
• 16:46And today we're here to talk
• 16:48about them getting better.
• 16:50They got better through the
• 16:51Bold Beauty Project.
• 16:54The Bold Beauty Project is not my idea.
• 16:59It's the idea, brainchild of Shelly Bear.
• 17:02Shelly and I met on what I call a
• 17:05blind friend date. Somebody knew I
• 17:07had a daughter with a disability.
• 17:08They knew Shelly was an inspiring
• 17:10woman with a disability.
• 17:11So they thought that we ought to meet.
• 17:13Definitely. A very good mix.
• 17:16And when I met Shelly,
• 17:18she told me that she had done
• 17:20this photo shoot back in 2006,
• 17:22where women with disabilities
• 17:24were paired with photographers,
• 17:27got together, had a day of a photo shoot,
• 17:30then they blew up the images really large,
• 17:32and they had a show.
• 17:33And Shelly felt that this changed her
• 17:37life and that this had given her a
• 17:39confidence that she'd never had before.
• 17:41Shelly had arthritis and she was
• 17:443 and so she's short stature with
• 17:47short arms and short fingers.
• 17:48And she said her whole life up till then
• 17:51she felt like her body was not her friend,
• 17:54that people were poking and prodding
• 17:56and staring and then when she posed
• 17:58you could see she was semi nude.
• 18:01She said it was a totally different
• 18:03way of looking at herself and it had
• 18:05really empowered her and you know,
• 18:07this had been nine years.
• 18:08It has stuck with her and she wanted to
• 18:11know if I would help her carry on this
• 18:14project since I was a psychiatrist.
• 18:17I had a daughter with a disability
• 18:18and I had already written a book
• 18:19called The Beauty Prescription,
• 18:20The complete formula for
• 18:21looking and feeling beautiful.
• 18:23So it seemed like a natural fade.
• 18:25So I will admit,
• 18:26as a psychiatrist,
• 18:27trained and psychoanalytic,
• 18:29as Karen knows at Cornell,
• 18:30I thought one day changed you.
• 18:34I don't know about that.
• 18:35But nonetheless it sounds like fun
• 18:37and I was looking for something
• 18:38a little fun and lighter to do.
• 18:40So I I jumped on board and that was 2015.
• 18:45You just had a a zoom from Shelly Bear.
• 18:51Thanks Ava.
• 18:52It's so sweet.
• 18:53And I'm going to go back and say
• 18:56Shelly is also at the University
• 18:58of Miami still on the faculty
• 19:00leadership training directive.
• 19:01And she has inspired me and so
• 19:03many people and she speaks about
• 19:05how to overcome the challenges
• 19:07that she has had and to live a
• 19:10very fulfilling and and rich life.
• 19:12So thank you, Shelly.
• 19:13Shelly's mom is also part of the program.
• 19:15Too.
• 19:16So we really started at that time,
• 19:18mother, daughter, mother, daughter.
• 19:19And then as I said already,
• 19:21Ari jumped in and gave us a grant.
• 19:24And then we got rocking and rolling.
• 19:28We also got connected with a
• 19:30man named Robert Zuckerman.
• 19:31Robert Zuckerman had been out in
• 19:33Hollywood and he was filming on all the sets.
• 19:36He was the photographer.
• 19:37When there was a movie going
• 19:39on that would film the stills.
• 19:41So when you would go to see
• 19:42a movie advertised.
• 19:43Those were oftentimes Robert Zuckerman,
• 19:45so he knew all the Hollywood celebrities.
• 19:47He was called the Picasso of Hollywood by,
• 19:50well, Will Smith, but I don't know
• 19:52if he dropped his name anymore,
• 19:54especially in his Yale Study Center.
• 19:56But anyway, Arnold Schwarzenegger,
• 19:58he was in that crowd.
• 20:00Then he got a disability.
• 20:02He had a glycogen storage disease,
• 20:05and so he became disabled
• 20:06in the Hollywood community,
• 20:07not surprisingly, was not supportive.
• 20:10So. To our great fortune,
• 20:12he came back to Miami.
• 20:13He also had a mother and a sister
• 20:15with a disability who lived in Miami.
• 20:17So he came back home and we met him.
• 20:20I met him for lunch.
• 20:22And being sort of a tiger mom,
• 20:24I told about the project and I said,
• 20:26would you photograph my daughter?
• 20:28And he said yes.
• 20:30And that's really what we say,
• 20:32like when the magic began.
• 20:34And I'll tell you more about
• 20:36that in a moment.
• 20:37So he took the picture of my daughter,
• 20:40which is here behind me,
• 20:43and he jumped on board as
• 20:45our master photographer.
• 20:46This was prior to Patrice coming on board,
• 20:48and he helped us grow the project.
• 20:51So where did we grow in those years
• 20:54from 2015 with Shelly's idea,
• 20:56we grew to a international organization
• 21:00and we were doing amazing.
• 21:03Right, until the pandemic.
• 21:05So we go to different cities,
• 21:07we find local models,
• 21:09local photographers,
• 21:10and then local audiences like
• 21:11you guys and we create shows
• 21:13like you see here in the back.
• 21:14So we started in Washington,
• 21:16DC we had Miami,
• 21:17we had Philadelphia,
• 21:19multiple cities in Texas.
• 21:20We then did our first international
• 21:22show in Panama and then Patrice
• 21:24had come on board and then.
• 21:26She layered on top for us our
• 21:29first inclusive fashion show
• 21:30and we also exhibited during Art
• 21:32Basel and I think about 7 times
• 21:35at Art Palm Beach and Art Boca.
• 21:37So we were just having tons of fun,
• 21:39120 models and then the pandemic hit.
• 21:43And then we had to stop because
• 21:44we did not want to risk any of
• 21:46our models or or our volunteer
• 21:48photographers getting sick.
• 21:50So we've been on a hiatus.
• 21:52We are coming back September 30th
• 21:55in Los Angeles in Ari's hometown.
• 21:59We're very excited for that.
• 22:00We're also in the early planning
• 22:01stages of what we want to be,
• 22:03our first international bold
• 22:04beauty show and we want to come
• 22:07back bigger and better.
• 22:08We did have one show during the pandemic.
• 22:12On a college campus,
• 22:14because colleges were back,
• 22:15so we weren't risking anybody.
• 22:17And that was at University of Miami,
• 22:19and we learned a lot from that.
• 22:20It was very heartwarming, very beautiful.
• 22:22And we do have a model
• 22:24for college replication.
• 22:25So if anybody, Julia, my cousin is here,
• 22:29wants to take on this project,
• 22:31or Andreas,
• 22:31who has an interest in photography,
• 22:33or Doctor Anna,
• 22:35who's also on this faculty here,
• 22:37we hope that somebody at Yale
• 22:40will like our project.
• 22:41Our tagline is disability becomes
• 22:45beauty becomes,
• 22:47art becomes change.
• 22:48So change is what everybody in this
• 22:52room probably wants to hear most about,
• 22:55right?
• 22:56You're all mental health professionals.
• 22:58And as mental health professionals,
• 22:59our job is to help people change.
• 23:02We don't always cure.
• 23:03That we certainly hope that we can move
• 23:06people from where they are to a better place.
• 23:10So with the Bold Beauty Project,
• 23:12we have tried to help women change.
• 23:14Again, that was Shelly's concept that
• 23:16she had changed from this project,
• 23:18and I saw it with my my own eyes,
• 23:20with my daughter.
• 23:21So we like to think about the
• 23:23Japanese concept of wabi sabi.
• 23:25If you're not familiar with it,
• 23:26it's about imperfection,
• 23:29impermanent transients.
• 23:31Sometimes can veer into the rustic,
• 23:34and this is an example of King
• 23:37Sugi which is repairing with gold.
• 23:40So in this ceramic object like
• 23:42you often see when they're broken,
• 23:46they repair it with gold and the
• 23:48idea being that the repair creates
• 23:51more beauty than you originally had.
• 23:54And this sings to us.
• 23:56Right,
• 23:56because I have this daughter
• 23:58with this disability.
• 23:59But now this disability has turned
• 24:01into something so beautiful,
• 24:03creating these art shows and
• 24:04creating change for people.
• 24:06So we love that concept.
• 24:09This is what I try to remind myself
• 24:11like last night when I was feeling
• 24:13fearful and I was doubting that I
• 24:15could do this, I said just be free.
• 24:17Just show up. Be free.
• 24:20You don't have to bring your fear.
• 24:21You don't have to bring your doubt.
• 24:22So this is another model for
• 24:24change that we hope that when our
• 24:26models come to us and by the way
• 24:28our photographers come to us,
• 24:30we have to talk them through the
• 24:32process because this is moving
• 24:33them out of their comfort zone.
• 24:35They're not used to this.
• 24:36And so often times,
• 24:38there's reluctance on both of their parts.
• 24:40And so it's that idea that change
• 24:43can occur when you move from
• 24:45that space of fear and doubt to
• 24:47that feeling of freedom,
• 24:49the feeling of freedom to express yourself.
• 24:52Through photography through
• 24:54like Max with poetry.
• 24:57So there's a lot of power in in that
• 24:59and so we we have to work with our
• 25:01models and photographers to get them there.
• 25:03But if you can take a quick peek behind you,
• 25:06you can see that we've gotten
• 25:08them there and the the moment
• 25:10for them is transcendent and the
• 25:12experience is transcendent.
• 25:14So since we're a medical school,
• 25:16I'll tell you another paradigm for change.
• 25:20We always think about our nervous
• 25:21system right and balanced,
• 25:23so we have our fight or flight or our
• 25:25rest and digest our tendon to friends.
• 25:28So we're giving people an opportunity
• 25:30to move from that fear base or that
• 25:33cortisol to that oxytocin, that love space.
• 25:36And if you are born with a
• 25:38disability like my daughter,
• 25:40or many of these women have
• 25:42developed disabilities,
• 25:43you live with a lot of arousal,
• 25:45a lot of cortisol.
• 25:47The simplest things are hard to do.
• 25:50Try brushing your teeth with one hand.
• 25:53So.
• 25:54Everything is hard to do,
• 25:55so you're in a state of hyper arousal.
• 25:58So we want this project to be
• 26:00about getting out of that state
• 26:02and feeling that parasympathetic
• 26:03side of the nervous system,
• 26:05feeling loved, supported, nurtured,
• 26:09connected and during the pandemic
• 26:10that was very, very important.
• 26:12And Shelly jumped in and made a
• 26:14support group for all the the women
• 26:16who'd been part of the project to
• 26:18continue to connect and support
• 26:20each other during that time.
• 26:22That was isolating for so many of us.
• 26:26Right now, this is mushrooms,
• 26:29this is psychedelics,
• 26:29this is hip and cool, right?
• 26:31Everybody's talking about the power of
• 26:34change and single interventions, right?
• 26:37You go in, you get your ketamine,
• 26:39you come out,
• 26:40you see the world a totally different way.
• 26:42So we like to think that we have found
• 26:44a non pharmacologic way to do it,
• 26:47doesn't have all the potential side
• 26:48effects or risks and we don't have
• 26:50to worry about doing it again and
• 26:51again and need to escalate the dose.
• 26:53So we create an experience,
• 26:55a one time experience.
• 26:57The only model that's been photographed
• 26:59twice I think is my daughter.
• 27:00But for for most of them,
• 27:02well Shelly too,
• 27:03it's a one time experience and we want that
• 27:07experience to create permanent change,
• 27:10to be able to see themselves
• 27:12and see the world differently.
• 27:15So the most important thing we think.
• 27:20That we're creating for people is an
• 27:23experience of increased compassion,
• 27:26so the women get to tell their stories
• 27:28so we all can understand their story,
• 27:32and that's how we gain in compassion.
• 27:35So our photographers are way
• 27:37out of their comfort zone.
• 27:38They have not done shoots like this,
• 27:40so we have to be compassionate toward
• 27:43them to sometimes they get very anxious.
• 27:45And then they can increase their
• 27:47compassion because they're working
• 27:49with a different sort of models.
• 27:51And then the audience who who comes and
• 27:53views these images and reads these stories,
• 27:56they enhance their compassion.
• 27:58And so today, hopefully all of you
• 28:00will broaden your sense of compassion.
• 28:02So this is an Einstein quote that I love,
• 28:05which is a human being is part
• 28:07of a whole called by us,
• 28:09the universe.
• 28:10Our task must be free ourselves.
• 28:14By widening our circles of compassion
• 28:17to embrace all living creatures and
• 28:20the whole of nature in its beauty.
• 28:23And this is one of our models who decided
• 28:26to be photographed in front of Einstein.
• 28:29And so this was an Einstein that's
• 28:31on the wall up in Palm Beach.
• 28:32So we drove ourselves up to Palm Beach and
• 28:35she was photographed in front of of Einstein.
• 28:37So thank you, Michelle.
• 28:40And Michelle was her photographer.
• 28:43So for myself,
• 28:44I think the change occurred
• 28:46based on a course correction.
• 28:49And the way I described this to my
• 28:51patients is if you set out for a long
• 28:54walk and you're a little bit off course,
• 28:56which happens to me all the time
• 28:58cause I have directional dyslexia.
• 29:00So I'm going the wrong direction.
• 29:03But then if you correct your course
• 29:06even by a little bit, if you keep going.
• 29:10You will end up in a very different space
• 29:13than the way you were going before.
• 29:17I think the medical model is incomplete.
• 29:21I grew up with two child psychiatrists.
• 29:24I had a choice to be anything
• 29:26I wanted to be in the world.
• 29:28OBGYN, radiology.
• 29:29There was going to be no prejudice.
• 29:32You got the joke.
• 29:33The joke is I had only
• 29:35those choices Once. I was a doctor,
• 29:38then I could do anything I wanted.
• 29:41But the assumption was that you'd go to
• 29:42medical school and then you'd figure out
• 29:44what you want to do when you grow up.
• 29:45So medical school is traumatizing
• 29:49and it can be abusive and difficult.
• 29:53And I think when you grow up
• 29:55in your 20s in that model,
• 29:57and then you get into academic medicine and
• 29:59then you have a doctor with a disability,
• 30:01it's kind of easy to think that life
• 30:04is really tough. Really challenging.
• 30:06And that you're supposed to be hard and
• 30:08you're supposed to be a fighter and
• 30:10you're supposed to be a problem solver.
• 30:12And then here I am with this problem
• 30:14I can't solve, can't solve it.
• 30:16And so for all those years from I would
• 30:20say my daughter's birth until 2015,
• 30:22the launch of the Bold Beauty project,
• 30:25there was a weight on me.
• 30:27Sense of, you know. Inadequacy.
• 30:29How did I let my daughter have this surgery?
• 30:31How did the surgery go so wrong?
• 30:33How did I pick this surgeon?
• 30:34And it was It was a heavy,
• 30:37heavy load to carry.
• 30:38Heavy load.
• 30:39And of course I didn't tell anybody what
• 30:41happened to her because it was her.
• 30:43I didn't want to make a decision for her.
• 30:45She was 5.
• 30:46I didn't want to tell people what she had,
• 30:49so I didn't tell anybody.
• 30:51This is the first time I'm going
• 30:52to tell anybody because she's 32
• 30:54and she went and got that X-ray
• 30:56for you guys all to see.
• 30:57So the course correction for
• 31:00me was maybe this isn't so bad.
• 31:04Maybe disability becomes beauty
• 31:06becomes art becomes change.
• 31:09Maybe it's all okay.
• 31:11For my daughter,
• 31:12the course correction was simpler.
• 31:16And maybe more profound.
• 31:19And I'm sorry she's not here
• 31:20to say it herself,
• 31:20but she is on Zoom if you want
• 31:21to ask her any questions.
• 31:22But for her,
• 31:23it was an opportunity for the first time
• 31:26in her life to see herself as beautiful.
• 31:31That's it. She saw herself as beautiful.
• 31:42This is what happens when you
• 31:43have a master photography.
• 31:45Take your picture. So she will tell
• 31:48you that this thank you, that's fine,
• 31:50that this was a permanent change for her.
• 31:53She was at her third attempt in college
• 31:56at this point at Lynn University.
• 31:59And after she felt beautiful,
• 32:01she created a dating profile and she said
• 32:04she was just honest and she said I'm high,
• 32:07I'm a shy Tumblr nerd and
• 32:10she wanted to meet somebody.
• 32:13So Vince wrote back, Hey.
• 32:17And if you know Vince,
• 32:18that that's kind of fitting.
• 32:20Not long on words,
• 32:21at least not when he's around me.
• 32:23And he wrote, hey,
• 32:25and she wrote whatever she wrote.
• 32:27And he came up to Lynn and met her there.
• 32:31They took a walk around the campus
• 32:33and she asked if he wanted to be
• 32:35her boyfriend and he said yes.
• 32:37This was in 2016, so.
• 32:41The rest blossomed very,
• 32:43very beautifully since then
• 32:45and in October she got married,
• 32:50so it was a long journey back.
• 32:53These are her photos that were
• 32:57shown at Art Palm Beach the day
• 33:00that Robert came to photograph her.
• 33:02We referred to as a love fest.
• 33:05We had. I had only met him one.
• 33:07She never met him.
• 33:08Some of our photographers and
• 33:10models will meet multiple times
• 33:12before having their shoot.
• 33:14Robert had one phone call with me.
• 33:16He said, what does your daughter want to do?
• 33:17I said she wants to be photographed
• 33:19in rose petals. He said great,
• 33:21have her wear something neutral.
• 33:22That was.
• 33:23It showed up the next day at my house
• 33:26in a wheelchair with a beautiful woman
• 33:28you can see in the photo named Zoride,
• 33:31who's hearing a paired.
• 33:32A mother and a 7 year old boy that he
• 33:36had met in Miami Children's Hospital
• 33:38when he was being treated for cancer
• 33:40and he wanted to be a photographer.
• 33:44So all these people come traipsing in
• 33:46my house at 10:00 in the morning on
• 33:49a Saturday and the seven-year old boy
• 33:51pulled all the pedals off the roses.
• 33:53Zuryda stood over my daughter
• 33:55and threw them on her.
• 33:57And then Robert says to my daughter who
• 33:59is now known for like half an hour,
• 34:00do you want to photograph Zuryda?
• 34:03And she's like, sure.
• 34:04And so she took that image that
• 34:06you see now of Zoritis.
• 34:08So in space of two hours, magic occurred.
• 34:11I stayed out of the way,
• 34:12by the way.
• 34:14And she found her in her beauty,
• 34:17and she found this self esteem
• 34:19of being a photographer.
• 34:21And she and Robert formed an independent
• 34:24relationship and she called him Pops
• 34:27and he called her all sorts of dear things.
• 34:31And it was really a very,
• 34:33very beautiful and very special
• 34:35relationship that they fostered.
• 34:36And we went and we exhibited many,
• 34:39many, many, many times.
• 34:40Her photo is on all the cards.
• 34:43So I said probably 100,000 people have seen
• 34:46that image now and her change has stuck.
• 34:49So now where is Joy getting
• 34:52ready for her honeymoon?
• 34:54She is married to Vince October of.
• 34:592020 two 10/22/22 and many people were
• 35:03at the wedding and are here today.
• 35:07And since she did finally finish
• 35:10college and I have to credit Vince
• 35:12with a lot of that because he said
• 35:14to her that he wouldn't propose
• 35:15until she finished college and he
• 35:17stuck to his word and as soon as she
• 35:20finished college he proposed and.
• 35:22She wanted to have makeup on
• 35:24the first day she met him,
• 35:26but she couldn't do it because
• 35:28she was alone in her room.
• 35:29And so she has now a patent on
• 35:34this product which is one hand
• 35:36a makeup applicator.
• 35:38So look for this in stores very soon.
• 35:40As I said,
• 35:41she was born Marissa but she
• 35:43changed her name to Joy,
• 35:44so the product is called Joyfully You
• 35:46so you can do that all on your own.
• 35:48So to say that I'm proud of my
• 35:51daughter would be an understatement.
• 35:54She's not here today,
• 35:55which is a shame because we went out
• 35:57shopping last week and she said refer to
• 35:59herself as my emotional support daughter.
• 36:01So I could have really used one of those
• 36:04this trip, but she couldn't make it.
• 36:06But you see her here today and I think
• 36:09that she's really come full circle
• 36:11and really found her way in the world,
• 36:14and I couldn't be prouder.
• 36:17So how did I change from the
• 36:18bowl of beauty project, right?
• 36:20So I think I told you a bit.
• 36:23Like, I just lifted a lot of
• 36:25the guilds and the loss of,
• 36:27you know, the narcissistic injury
• 36:28and all those kind of things,
• 36:30and I just started to have fun.
• 36:33You could see Patrice here in this picture.
• 36:36Patrice helped me with this book.
• 36:38I wrote this book, came out in 2018.
• 36:42It's about kind acts by strangers.
• 36:45There are 64 different stories.
• 36:47My story in here is the story I just
• 36:49told you about Robert Zuckerman,
• 36:51the photographer,
• 36:52How this man just, you know,
• 36:54literally rolled into our
• 36:55life and changed our lives.
• 36:57And it was such a beautiful experience.
• 36:58So I shared that and Joy shared
• 37:01her experience of meeting Vince
• 37:03and getting married.
• 37:04And then there's 62 other stories.
• 37:07Here. The lead story is come from away.
• 37:09If any of you saw come from away,
• 37:12the couple that met and come from away
• 37:14or friends of mine there in this book.
• 37:16And I have plenty of copies
• 37:17if anybody wants to copy.
• 37:19So we did our art shows and we would
• 37:21bring all this stuff about kindness and
• 37:23we would bring our bold beauty project.
• 37:25And Patrice and I were traveling,
• 37:26speaking at schools and temples,
• 37:28etcetera about kindness.
• 37:30Again, that all halted with a pandemic.
• 37:33And I cut my practice back.
• 37:35I will practice now,
• 37:37halftime,
• 37:37and try to indulge in some of
• 37:39these other projects and writing
• 37:41and reaching a bigger audience and
• 37:43just trying to have a lot more fun.
• 37:45The other thing that I've learned
• 37:47from my daughter and from our
• 37:49models is how important selfcare is.
• 37:51You know, in medicine,
• 37:52they teach you the reverse.
• 37:54I don't eat.
• 37:55If you're going to eat,
• 37:56grab a slice of pizza because
• 37:57that's all you have time for and you
• 37:59might not get to go to the bathroom
• 38:00because something might be like,
• 38:02more important than that.
• 38:03And again,
• 38:04it's kind of hard when you hear that
• 38:06your whole 20s to get past that.
• 38:07Like, I never ate lunch.
• 38:09I just didn't eat.
• 38:10And then my daughter's like, mom,
• 38:12you got to take care of yourself.
• 38:13And then I was, Oh my God,
• 38:14I have to take care of myself
• 38:16because my daughter needs me.
• 38:17So a real paradigm shift there.
• 38:19So now that I'm a little bit older,
• 38:21like,
• 38:21I prioritize yoga in front of
• 38:23everything else.
• 38:24Everything else can go around it because,
• 38:27you know, it's a downhill slide and
• 38:28you got to do the best you can.
• 38:30So my course correction I would say is,
• 38:32is very substantial.
• 38:34The other thing is most
• 38:36of my friends changed.
• 38:38Because not everybody gets this.
• 38:40And so getting into this new world,
• 38:43these women are amazing women,
• 38:46and they have become my closest and dearest
• 38:49friends and mental health professionals.
• 38:51Those are the two groups I can
• 38:54still hang with, but I did lose a
• 38:56lot of friends along the way.
• 38:57You know, as your priorities change and
• 38:59your goals change and your interests change,
• 39:01But I've become much more.
• 39:03Fulfilled have a real sense of
• 39:05purpose gets you up in the morning.
• 39:08And I think it goes back to that freedom,
• 39:09like the freedom to express who
• 39:11you are and what you want to do.
• 39:14Sometimes as a therapist,
• 39:15we limit that, right?
• 39:16Because it's all about the other.
• 39:18And so I think that that can,
• 39:20you know be very draining.
• 39:22And so it's been really nice to
• 39:23just get out and be able to talk
• 39:25to people and I appreciate being
• 39:26here today and telling my story.
• 39:28Oops. So how do our models change?
• 39:31I told you about how Shelly changed.
• 39:33I told you about how my daughter Joy changed.
• 39:36She went from being Marissa to Joy.
• 39:39She said she's a Phoenix Rerisen
• 39:41and she has been a great example.
• 39:45This is an incredible woman.
• 39:46Her name is Roni. She lives in Panama.
• 39:49She's part of our Panama show.
• 39:51She's the mother of four,
• 39:52and she developed the flu and pneumonia.
• 39:55She spent 60 days in a coma.
• 39:58And then.
• 39:59Like Joy was reborn,
• 40:01she lost both of her legs and one hand.
• 40:05Only one hand is left,
• 40:07but her passion was to be able to
• 40:10still throw a ball with her children,
• 40:13so she wanted to be depicted.
• 40:17For being beautiful.
• 40:17Because as you can see,
• 40:18she's a beautiful woman.
• 40:20But she also wanted to be shown engaged
• 40:22in one of her favorite activities,
• 40:24which is baseball.
• 40:25So each model decides what's
• 40:27important to them,
• 40:29and then the photographer
• 40:30works to help capture that.
• 40:32So she said, for her,
• 40:33this day was very transformative
• 40:35because it reminds her never to give up,
• 40:38that you can always achieve your
• 40:39dreams no matter what they are,
• 40:41no matter how far they.
• 40:42Feel away from you.
• 40:43Don't give up because you can achieve them.
• 40:45This photo was done only four years after
• 40:48she had been in the coma for 60 days.
• 40:50She has since gone on to
• 40:51become a public speaker.
• 40:53I think her book is out now and quite an
• 40:56inspiration and extraordinary person to meet.
• 41:00I'm going to talk also about.
• 41:03Well,
• 41:04I don't want to say favorite,
• 41:05That's not the right word.
• 41:06But the woman that I'm most
• 41:08intimate and closest with from our
• 41:10project and that's Kerry Grueson.
• 41:12And Kerry has become a very dear friend.
• 41:14She was also my neighbor.
• 41:16I inadvertently moved into the
• 41:18same building that she was in.
• 41:20So that was a real blessing.
• 41:22And Kerry to me is the perfect
• 41:24model for post traumatic growth.
• 41:27And you in this room know
• 41:29what post traumatic growth is.
• 41:31It's very important,
• 41:32I think, that we all ignore.
• 41:34Knowledge how damaging the pandemic
• 41:36was that every single one of us in
• 41:38this room was damaged by the pandemic.
• 41:41Not to say that we don't have post
• 41:43traumatic growth and we're coming out better,
• 41:45but so much was lost,
• 41:47so much was lost all of a sudden
• 41:49and so much anxiety was gained.
• 41:51So I think it's a very important time
• 41:53for us as mental health professionals to
• 41:55be talking about post traumatic growth.
• 41:57And post traumatic growth occurs in
• 42:002/3 of people experiencing trauma.
• 42:03So this is what we see in our models.
• 42:06They are extraordinary women because
• 42:07the ones we select are the 2/3 that have
• 42:10grown and we try to select, you know,
• 42:12the most exemplary ones of those.
• 42:14So these are the pillars of post traumatic
• 42:16growth and you could hear these in
• 42:18in my story and my daughter's story,
• 42:20the model stories,
• 42:21the photographer's stories,
• 42:22starting Anna at the top
• 42:24with spiritual change.
• 42:25Moving to personal strength.
• 42:27These are strong women.
• 42:29Don't mess with them.
• 42:31Relationships to others change.
• 42:32You have to be very intimate and
• 42:34very caring to be in relationship
• 42:36with somebody who has a lot of needs.
• 42:39I'm looking at Doctor Glickson.
• 42:40We've been through a lot together.
• 42:42We're incredibly bonded.
• 42:44Karen tragically lost her
• 42:46husband December 30th of 2019,
• 42:49so we went through that right
• 42:51before the pandemic.
• 42:52In The Pandemic,
• 42:53so your relationships deepens.
• 42:55Karen's best friend is
• 42:56now my best friend Lynn,
• 42:58because we've been through
• 42:59all these things together.
• 43:00You have an appreciation for life.
• 43:04What do you think it's like to be
• 43:06my age here, speaking for my half
• 43:08brother who died at 25 on this campus,
• 43:11practically, right?
• 43:14You must have an appreciation for life.
• 43:17Life is short.
• 43:18Life is fleeting.
• 43:19People who've been through trauma know that.
• 43:21They get that.
• 43:22I don't go through a day without thinking
• 43:25about maybe I wasn't going to be here.
• 43:26What if I'm not here?
• 43:27All these sorts of thoughts.
• 43:29Julia.
• 43:30Oh my gosh,
• 43:31my cousin is here.
• 43:33We tragically lost her father,
• 43:35March of 2020 in a boating accident.
• 43:38So we must appreciate every day.
• 43:41Joy is here as a freshman,
• 43:42so proud of her for being here.
• 43:44And then new possibilities.
• 43:46And that is what the bold
• 43:48beauty project is about.
• 43:50I would never have thought
• 43:51of anything like this.
• 43:53Thank goodness that Shelly did.
• 43:54Thank goodness a friend put us together.
• 43:56Thank goodness for so many things.
• 43:58Thank goodness for Ari supporting us.
• 44:00Patrice was met through a mutual
• 44:02friend at a cocktail party.
• 44:03So these are all the ways that people
• 44:05can experience post traumatic growth.
• 44:07I think it's vitally important as.
• 44:10Healthcare professionals that
• 44:11we focus on growth,
• 44:12not just illness.
• 44:14So I want to tell you about Kerry.
• 44:17This is a picture of Kerry.
• 44:19This is a gentleman who's holding
• 44:20her up because she cannot stand.
• 44:23You can see he only has one leg.
• 44:25So Kerry again, sorry,
• 44:27we're Harvard, not Yale.
• 44:29Harvard undergraduate ended up
• 44:32in journalism was on her way to.
• 44:37Report the end of the Vietnam War.
• 44:39She was in Hawaii,
• 44:41in a hotel room, alone,
• 44:43interviewing a Green Beret.
• 44:45He had APTSD flashback,
• 44:48mistook her for Vietcong,
• 44:51strangled her, left her for dead.
• 44:55She stumbled onto the street.
• 44:57Spent many years rehabilitating.
• 45:00She has post traumatic Parkinson's.
• 45:04Where she can practically not move,
• 45:08her head is tilted.
• 45:09Her voice is a whisper.
• 45:10She can go like this and
• 45:12give you a thumbs up.
• 45:14And her nonprofit is called
• 45:17Thumbs Up International,
• 45:19where they take athletes with
• 45:21disabilities like this man and
• 45:23like Harry and athletes that don't
• 45:25have disabilities and pair them.
• 45:27And they go through all
• 45:32these experiences together.
• 45:33Carrie's message is very simple,
• 45:35which is a look beyond perceived
• 45:39limitations and together
• 45:42we can and can she does.
• 45:45She also has a documentary
• 45:47called May I Help You?
• 45:49In which she talks about how
• 45:51needing help is actually a gift
• 45:55because giving help feels so good.
• 45:58Well,
• 45:58how are you going to give
• 46:00help if no one needs help?
• 46:02So this is something that I've learned,
• 46:03because they certainly wouldn't teach
• 46:05you that in medical school, would they?
• 46:07So I learned from my daughter, ask for help.
• 46:10So I need reading glasses.
• 46:12But you know what?
• 46:12A lot of times I don't put them on.
• 46:14I asked somebody, could you read me this?
• 46:15Could you read me that?
• 46:17Because that's how we connect.
• 46:19We connect through our vulnerability.
• 46:22We don't necessarily
• 46:23connect through strength.
• 46:25We connect through vulnerability.
• 46:26I know you know who Brené Brown is,
• 46:29and I'm sure you've seen her Ted Talk,
• 46:31but Carrie is the manifestation of that.
• 46:33And her documentary is called May I Help You?
• 46:37It's on YouTube.
• 46:38It's 27 minutes around.
• 46:40I highly urge you to watch it.
• 46:42Carrie competes with a woman named Karen.
• 46:45They have 3 Guinness Book of World's Records.
• 46:48For athletic accomplishments,
• 46:50one is the most triathlons completed
• 46:54by a person carrying a person.
• 46:57They did 3 triathlons in a week.
• 46:59They raced across the state of Florida.
• 47:02Okay second one is the fastest duo
• 47:05team in the New York City Marathon
• 47:09and the third is the longest duo team.
• 47:12I think it's like 56 hours.
• 47:15Okay, This is a woman who cannot
• 47:17brush her teeth without help,
• 47:18yet she gathers all these people
• 47:22to do these incredible things,
• 47:26so she's also brilliant.
• 47:28Her mind is unaffected and we text
• 47:31and e-mail probably on a daily basis.
• 47:34And anytime I'm in traffic and I think,
• 47:37oh, I'm so frustrated, I'm in traffic.
• 47:39I think, no, I'm not going there.
• 47:42I'm in traffic, I can drive.
• 47:45There's no problem here.
• 47:46So Kerry has helped me gain a
• 47:48perspective that I don't know
• 47:50how else I would have gained.
• 47:52How do you gain that perspective without
• 47:55knowing somebody so intimately as this?
• 47:57So Kerry is very, very accessible.
• 48:00She's listening on Zoom now.
• 48:01If anybody wants her e-mail address,
• 48:03if anybody wants to participate
• 48:05in Thumbs Up International,
• 48:06please reach out to any of us.
• 48:10How do our photographers change? Well.
• 48:13We're going to give you hot off the press.
• 48:16Patrice and I called the photographer
• 48:17from this shoot this morning.
• 48:19Her name is Kelly.
• 48:20This is one of my favorite images.
• 48:22This is a a woman named Teresa and Teresa
• 48:25is a vet and she has post traumatic
• 48:28stress disorder and a very high level
• 48:30of anxiety amongst other disabilities.
• 48:33And she's extremely indiverted and
• 48:35doesn't like to leave the house.
• 48:37So she decided to be really
• 48:39brave for a bold beauty shoot.
• 48:41Patrice was there that day
• 48:42they went to Times Square.
• 48:44Now this was pre pandemic,
• 48:46so it was crowded with people,
• 48:48had everybody kind of move away
• 48:50and they took this image of her.
• 48:52Kelly, our photographer,
• 48:53had been a photographer prior
• 48:55to this experience.
• 48:56She told us literally this morning
• 48:58that the bold beauty experience for
• 49:01her was so transformative that she
• 49:04went back to social work school.
• 49:06And is now working full time
• 49:08as a social worker.
• 49:09And I said to her, are you happier now?
• 49:12And she said of course I am.
• 49:14I found my purpose.
• 49:17I feel so fulfilled and I feel whole.
• 49:22I did not plant that word.
• 49:24So we all got very tearful,
• 49:26including the makeup artist who by
• 49:27the way is on board for the next
• 49:29show when we do it here in New Haven.
• 49:30She was so touched by the whole thing.
• 49:32So not only do our photographers change,
• 49:34but our ancillary services change too.
• 49:36And we have makeup artist volunteering.
• 49:38We have all sorts of people volunteering.
• 49:40This was our most incredible
• 49:42shoot that we've ever done.
• 49:43This is a woman named Leticia.
• 49:45Leticia was injured in a car
• 49:48accident and is paraplegic and the
• 49:51photographer is Alexandra Vivas and.
• 49:54Casandra worked with a sculptor.
• 49:56They went to thrift shops and
• 49:59they got 3 wheelchairs.
• 50:01He welded them together,
• 50:02created a cage made out of the wheelchairs.
• 50:05Because this was what she wanted.
• 50:08They collaborated.
• 50:08She wanted to show herself
• 50:11breaking free from her wheelchair,
• 50:14wheelchair cage.
• 50:15So we have a pool,
• 50:18we have a black tart we've got.
• 50:20People everywhere submerge the
• 50:23sculpture underwater.
• 50:25She's wearing a special underwater suit,
• 50:26special underwater makeup,
• 50:28The photographers down there with
• 50:30scuba gear and our model swimming out
• 50:34and swimming out and swimming out.
• 50:35I'm like, Oh my God,
• 50:36how many times are we going to do the shoot?
• 50:37We can't keep doing the shoot,
• 50:39but you know how photographers are.
• 50:40Do it again, do it again,
• 50:41do it again.
• 50:43So this was the most impactful
• 50:45shoot to be present at and we
• 50:47think an incredibly powerful image.
• 50:49So this photographer has stayed with us.
• 50:52She's going to be shooting again
• 50:54for international,
• 50:54probably for Los Angeles as well,
• 50:57and she found this experience to
• 51:00be incredibly transformative.
• 51:01Our our coordinator for this shoot
• 51:03then went on to do our same project,
• 51:06but with incarcerated women.
• 51:08And this photographer did this amazing,
• 51:10amazing underwater shoot of an
• 51:12incarcerated woman talking through one
• 51:14of those phones.
• 51:15So just incredible talent,
• 51:18incredible creativity.
• 51:20Also not necessarily encouraged
• 51:21in medical school, right?
• 51:22You got to think within those lines.
• 51:25Not everybody think, oh,
• 51:26we have Mary who thought outside
• 51:28of the box and is one of the
• 51:29founders of immunotherapy.
• 51:31But in medical school they teach
• 51:32you think within the lines.
• 51:34So the creativity part of our
• 51:35project I think has been very
• 51:37important and very transformative.
• 51:39So I know we're running out of time.
• 51:42Our audience,
• 51:43our audience to me is our most important.
• 51:45Why sheer numbers.
• 51:46You guys are our biggest, right.
• 51:49We have 120 models, 120 photographers.
• 51:51We've had thousands and thousands and
• 51:53thousands of of people listening to us.
• 51:56So today I'm hoping that you will all change.
• 51:59I hope that you will leave here different.
• 52:02I hope that you will feel connected
• 52:04to this project to reach out
• 52:06to any of us at any time.
• 52:08I hope you will feel braver
• 52:09to connect with other people,
• 52:11to connect through vulnerability as.
• 52:13Max and my daughter and everyone
• 52:16has shown you,
• 52:17I hope that you will gain perspective.
• 52:19Anybody who has 2 feet to walk out
• 52:22of here is blessed. If you can see,
• 52:24you're blessed if you can hear,
• 52:26you're blessed. You're at Yale.
• 52:28You've got a high IQ.
• 52:29You're hard workers.
• 52:31You're ambitious.
• 52:31You are blessed every moment of your life.
• 52:34You're blessed and take these blessings
• 52:37to help people that are challenged
• 52:39in other ways and to be grateful.
• 52:42Being grateful is such an important
• 52:45way of improving your own life.
• 52:47Thinking about what you're grateful for.
• 52:49Hopefully you're grateful
• 52:50that you came here today,
• 52:52that you are on this campus,
• 52:53that you're growing, that you're
• 52:55learning you're making new friends.
• 52:57How can you grow as a healer?
• 53:00Have you heard of Gabor Monte?
• 53:02Raise your hand. Great. So about half.
• 53:05Have the other half. This is homework.
• 53:07Latest book is called The Myth of Normal.
• 53:09It was 10 years in the writing.
• 53:11He just wrote it with his son.
• 53:12600 pages.
• 53:13So if you want to get it shorter
• 53:14you can watch the YouTube version.
• 53:16Not bad,
• 53:16but his whole belief is that we are
• 53:20fracturing ourselves with trauma.
• 53:24Small tea trauma, Big tea trauma.
• 53:26And that's why our society and
• 53:28our cultures are so damaged.
• 53:30He's Canadian,
• 53:31so he sort of looks down upon us,
• 53:33but they have their problems there as well.
• 53:36But his concept is healing into
• 53:38wholeness rather than healing disease.
• 53:41We try to do that,
• 53:42but we can't always do that.
• 53:44And I think what our project is about
• 53:46we don't touch these women's disease.
• 53:47We don't care about their diseases.
• 53:49We want them to feel whole and
• 53:51we want them to feel seen and.
• 53:54We want them to feel complete.
• 53:55So I think his message is extremely powerful,
• 53:58very beautiful,
• 53:59and we can take it all to ourselves,
• 54:02right?
• 54:02So each of us needs to feel
• 54:05whole and then we bring that into
• 54:07our work as a healer
• 54:09and we can help people feel whole.
• 54:11Even as Mario knows,
• 54:13in the face of a terminal illness
• 54:16people can still feel whole.
• 54:18So in conclusion.
• 54:21Trauma is not what happens to us,
• 54:23but what we hold inside in the Absence
• 54:27of an Empathic Witness by Gabor Monte.
• 54:30I used you guys today as a witness
• 54:33to share something that I've
• 54:34carried as a secret for 27 years,
• 54:37so I'm hoping that I will
• 54:40feel healed when I leave here.
• 54:43This is my favorite image, other than,
• 54:45of course, my every other one,
• 54:47which is my favorite.
• 54:48Really have to stop using that word.
• 54:50This is a woman who had Ms.
• 54:52who thought and was told that she
• 54:55could not conceive and her greatest
• 54:57dream was to have a child and she
• 55:00got pregnant and she went through
• 55:02the pregnancy without an Ms.
• 55:04flare.
• 55:04And this is her son and this is
• 55:08her son gazing into her eyes.
• 55:10She always wanted to be on a magazine
• 55:12cover with her son and this image
• 55:14was on a magazine cover in Panama.
• 55:16So in terms of empathic witness,
• 55:19you don't get better than that.
• 55:20You don't get better than my
• 55:22emotional support daughter,
• 55:23my other daughter who's so beautiful
• 55:25and empathic and is watching today
• 55:27and has texted me 10 times today
• 55:30to see if I'm okay and you guys
• 55:32are all empathic witness for me.
• 55:33And you need to be empathic
• 55:36witnesses for your patients.
• 55:37It's a broadening of your concept of healing.
• 55:40Can I just say before you finish,
• 55:42really not done. I'm really not done.
• 55:44Can you give me two more slides?
• 55:45Yes,
• 55:45because there's someone who
• 55:46wants to say something to you,
• 55:47but go, go ahead, two more slides.
• 55:49My daughter Joy would like to speak to you.
• 55:51She would like to tell you to appease,
• 55:53be slow, be kind,
• 55:54be patient, be compassionate.
• 55:56And that people like all these
• 55:59models are not disabled.
• 56:02They have different abilities
• 56:03because she can't run and jump
• 56:06and play and do all those things.
• 56:08She's incredibly intuitive.
• 56:10And incredibly artistic,
• 56:12because Kerry can't do.
• 56:13I don't know what she can't do,
• 56:16but somehow she can do all these
• 56:18things that no other human can do.
• 56:20These are different abilities.
• 56:21So broaden your lens.
• 56:23Think of these women with
• 56:24different abilities.
• 56:25And my last word,
• 56:26I promise last word is be
• 56:28the change you wish to see.
• 56:30So embrace all of your different abilities,
• 56:33like I told you, my directional dyslexia.
• 56:35Embrace all of that.
• 56:36And that's how we heal ourselves
• 56:38into wholeness.
• 56:39And that will be the way we
• 56:41can help heal others around us
• 56:44and hopefully heal society.
• 56:53Now, please don't
• 56:54go anywhere just yet. Just there's two
• 56:57quick comments, or maybe others if
• 56:59people need to leave.
• 57:00After that, if you want to linger,
• 57:01we have a reception here.
• 57:03We want people to linger and we
• 57:04want them to read the biographies.
• 57:07Yes, but more important than linger
• 57:09and reading the buyer, If he's there,
• 57:10someone who is going to say something,
• 57:12You might recognize it by the name
• 57:13of Joy Paloso. So,
• 57:16Joy Paloso. Come on in. We hear you loud and
• 57:18clear. Come on in. I do this.
• 57:20I'll place out there. Hi Mama.
• 57:24Hi, love.
• 57:27What do you want to tell the audience?
• 57:29I just told them different
• 57:30abilities instead of disabilities.
• 57:34Well, I just want to say
• 57:35you did a fantastic job
• 57:37and even though I'm not with you in person,
• 57:39I'm still your emotional support
• 57:41daughter supporting from here.
• 57:45And I'm proud of you and
• 57:51I'm. I'm glad that like we are where
• 57:53we are on the journey and that we
• 57:56can share all of this
• 57:58together now. And we can go
• 58:01forward from here. And
• 58:04yeah, and thank you to Max
• 58:05for creating the space.
• 58:07And thank you to our Linda
• 58:08and Andreas and everybody.
• 58:10And there's one important
• 58:12thank you that we want to add.
• 58:13So all this event in addition
• 58:15to what Lyndon you mentioned
• 58:16is being sponsored really,
• 58:18Ari is the President of the
• 58:20Alan Slifka Foundation.
• 58:21And the Alan Slifka Foundation has
• 58:22been so generous over the years.
• 58:24And Alan interestingly was
• 58:27all about coexistence.
• 58:28Right.
• 58:29And I'd like to think that this is a
• 58:31type of coexistence between the arts
• 58:32and medicine that you have so beautifully,
• 58:34you know, brought to us and shared with us.
• 58:36So thank you.
• 58:37And the last quote is,
• 58:39thank you for sharing.
• 58:40So amazing.
• 58:41I would agree with Virginia Zucchini.
• 58:43Oh, wherever the art of medicine is love,
• 58:45there is also a love of humanity.
• 58:47So again, thank you.
• 58:48Let me give the last word to Linda.
• 58:51Anything to add?
• 58:52Last word for the last word, Ari.
• 58:55Just that Patrice found this
• 58:56beautiful quote by Hippocrates.
• 58:57So there's nothing new under the sun, right?
• 59:00And it seems so modern and fresh to
• 59:02bring humanities and medicine together.
• 59:04But I think Hippocrates directed us to
• 59:06do that as long as well as do no harm.
• 59:09So hopefully I've done no harm today.
• 59:11And hopefully I've encouraged all
• 59:13of you to bring a more humanistic
• 59:15approach to your sciences,
• 59:17to your medicine,
• 59:18and to recognize your power as a healer.
• 59:20Just being an empathic witness,
• 59:21that's all you have to do.
• 59:23And so thank you for listening today.
• 59:25And thank you, Max,
• 59:26for creating the space for us.
• 59:28And I think we're also just
• 59:31deeply grateful to Ari for every
• 59:33step of this journey.
• 59:34And to everybody who's
• 59:36listening today on Zoom,
• 59:37who's also played a big role, thank you.