In the latest SANA blog post, part two of a two-part series, Yale Child Study Center Social Worker Amy Giguere Carney offers several strategies and practices to help manage the stress that can accompany the joys of parenting. Amy specializes in clinical work with children and families, and provides clinical support to families during and after their visits to the SANA Lab. She also acts as a liaison between families and the community.
Strategy #6: Exercise
The Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA) states that “Exercise and other physical activity produces endorphins - chemicals in the brain that act as natural painkillers - and also improve sleep, which in turn reduces stress. Scientists have found that regular participation in aerobic exercise has been shown to decrease overall levels of tension, elevate and stabilize mood, improve sleep, and improve self esteem. Even five minutes of aerobic exercise can stimulate anti-anxiety effects.” It can be hard to find or make the time for this one but science backs it up! Be creative about how to work it in. A walk during lunch break? Running around in the yard with the kids or the dog? Waking up 30 minutes early to squeeze in a workout a couple of times a week? Here are a couple of links to quick workouts you might want to try:
NEW YORK TIMES (nytimes.com)
SELF (self.com)
Especially when you’ve had to push yourself to exercise, take a few minutes afterwards to note how you feel and give yourself credit for taking care of you.
Strategy # 7: Meditation
Meditation and deep breathing can also cause your body to produce endorphins. In addition, meditation allows us time to slow down and practice mindfulness, and to have a better sense for our bodies in space.
Over the years, I have worked with people who say they aren’t good at meditation because they can’t clear their minds of thoughts or they can’t stay still long enough. I encourage them to give it a try and to let go of the idea that one can be good or bad at meditation. It takes practice to settle your body and mind, and to practice observing our thoughts rather than judging them. It can help to start small. Here is a link that provides free guided meditations for beginners, from 1 to 20 minutes in length:
INSANITY-MIND (insanity-mind.com)
There are several apps available to help learn techniques and offer guidance as well - Headspace, Calm, and Breathe are a few of them.
Strategy #8: Journal
Journaling can be a great way to process your emotions and to get your thoughts out of your mind. It can act as a release, it can be a source of digging deeper, or it can be a way to vent the things you don’t feel comfortable saying out loud to anyone so that you don’t have to hold it in. And when we read these entries back down the road, it can be a powerful way to see growth and change. I sometimes hear from clients that they are afraid that writing something down will make it more “real” and we process that together. Sometimes the act of holding onto something gives it more power than it deserves. It’s important to remember that thoughts are not facts, and feelings are not facts. Sometimes writing things down is a wonderful way to gain perspective on it. It can be a way to challenge the thought, to reframe it into a more positive thought, to better understand it, or to let it go.
Strategy #9: Look for the good and practice GRATITUDE
The field of positive psychology has provided us with lots of empirical evidence that practicing gratitude decreases negative affect and helps us cope with difficult situations. This can be done in whatever way works best for you:
- Keeping a gratitude journal is a wonderful way to see many positive aspects of your life in one place. Try jotting down 3 things you are grateful for each night or each morning (or whatever time of day works best for you!) or keep a small notebook with you and jot them down as you go about your day. Many people find that they are pleasantly surprised at how their lens changes throughout the day. When you are on the lookout for positive things, you tend to see more of them.
- This is about mindfulness as well – rather than postponing joy, it helps us to be present in the moment as we seek out things for which to be grateful. Try using your senses throughout the day and see what’s out there waiting to be appreciated. Be specific.
- A few examples: Sitting at a stoplight, you might notice an older couple walking hand in hand and take in the sweetness of that; you might witness someone doing something kind for a stranger; your child might say a new word and you might joyfully cheer; your coffee or tea might smell and taste particularly wonderful one morning; you might unexpectedly hear a song you love… these moments are everywhere. The more you look for them, the more you’ll see them.
Strategy #10: Be gentle with yourself
Practice self-acceptance and self-forgiveness. Talk to yourself the way you’d talk to your best friend. Remind yourself that you are doing the best you can.
References
Anxiety and Depression Association of America. Physical Activity Reduces Stress. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/related-illnesses/other-relatedconditions/stress/physical-activity-reduces-st
Brown, B. (2015). Daring greatly: How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead. NY, NY: Avery.
Doucette, S. (n.d.). Why Does Deep Breathing Calm You Down? Retrieved from https://www.livestrong.com/article/136646-why-does-deep-breathing-calm-you-down/
Markham, L., Ph.D. (n.d.). Kids and self-care aren't mutually exclusive. Retrieved from https://www.ahaparenting.com/blog/Nurturing_Yourself_while_Nurturing_Your_Child
Nordqvist, C. (2017). Stress: Why does it happen and how can we manage it? Retrieved from https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/145855.php
Pottie, C. G., & Ingram, K. M. (2008). Daily stress, coping, and well-being in parents of children with autism: A multilevel modeling approach. Journal of Family Psychology, 22(6), 855-864. doi:10.1037/a0013604
Reynolds, M. (2015). 5 Steps for Managing Your Emotional Triggers. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/wander-woman/201507/5-steps-managingyour-emotional-triggers
Sandberg, S. G. (2019). OPTION B: Facing adversity, building resilience, and finding joy. Place of publication not identified: W H ALLEN.
Stuart, M., & Mcgrew, J. H. (2009). Caregiver burden after receiving a diagnosis of an autism spectrum disorder. Research in Autism Spectrum Disorders, 3(1), 86-97. doi:10.1016/j.rasd.2008.04.006
Watkins, P. C. (2013). Does Gratitude Enhance Coping Ability? Gratitude and the Good Life, 159-174. doi:10.1007/978-94-007-7253-3_9