Transformation Through Art: A Personal and Professional Perspective

May 03, 2023

Information

YCSC Grand Rounds May 2, 2023

Max Ritvo ‘13 and Alan B. Slifka ‘51 Program for the Medical Humanities Special Lecture

Eva Ritvo, MD

ID9895

To CiteDCA Citation Guide

00:00All right. So thanks everyone for
00:03joining us today and that thanks
00:05for everyone on Zoom as well as in the room.
00:08Very much Want to welcome you to
00:10the annual Max Ripfo lecture that's
00:12dedicated to the memory of Max Ripfo,
00:15a Yale graduate and a poet who through
00:17his poetry gave such deep voice to his
00:20long and painful struggle with cancer,
00:23but also to the deep human
00:25connection on that poetry can bring
00:27and can bring us all together.
00:30Max actually thrived on
00:32bringing people together.
00:34We're also very grateful
00:36to Doctor Ari Ritfo, who is with us online
00:39on Max's mother and longtime friend and
00:42faculty member of the Child Study Center
00:44for establishing this lectureship that
00:47brings together the humanities and mental
00:50health and really helps us to see that
00:53humanity in that interface. So Ari,
00:56I know you're online and thank you so much.
00:59For your continued support and your continued
01:02partnership and devotion to helping us all
01:05stay connected with our shared humanity,
01:07I think Max would actually be very,
01:09very happy about that.
01:11And Ari, I don't know if,
01:12if at this point you'd like to say something,
01:14I would love to hear from you.
01:22Can you hear us? Sorry, yes, I
01:25had. I had. It takes me a while.
01:27And that too. So unmute,
01:29mute, all these things.
01:32Really thrilled to be in this room.
01:35Sorry I couldn't be with you in person.
01:37Welcome to everybody.
01:38I think you're in for a terrific,
01:41terrific hour. Eva really rocks.
01:46We started this program
01:47for medical humanities a few years ago
01:50to commemorate Alan and Max and their
01:54interest in people as a hall despite their.
01:59Disability or illnesses that they suffered
02:02through and we wanted to bring artists.
02:06Andreas Martin introduced me to some things
02:09that were going on at Yale at the time
02:12that were quite exciting in that vein.
02:16And we we decided to make this
02:20endowment to see if we can have.
02:23People speak about holistic approach.
02:26So far we've done very well with our speakers
02:29and Eva was a natural choice her her,
02:33she will talk about bald beauty
02:36which we also sponsor our foundation.
02:39I find it a remarkable project and very,
02:43very relevant to to this endowment.
02:48And so it was at A2 Fer.
02:51For me, because there's the bald
02:52beauty and then there is Eva,
02:54who is Max's half sister,
02:57and Joy, who she will talk about,
03:00I think, I hope she does,
03:02who was Max's favorite niece and
03:05the the two of them were very
03:08close and bald Beauty reframes.
03:10Disability is different ability,
03:12which I thought was perfect
03:14for this room today.
03:15So I'm really excited about it.
03:17Looking forward to it.
03:19And you're right,
03:21Linda,
03:21Max and Alan would both be so
03:24thrilled with with this program and
03:27how it's developing and with today.
03:31Thank you so much, Ari. And and you,
03:32you are the one who made this possible.
03:34So you are actually with us in the
03:36room even though you're with us
03:38virtually we're holding you in our mind.
03:40So actually you've already introduced Dr.
03:42Eva Ripfo, but I I really want
03:44to just say a few more things.
03:46And you've heard about Eva's
03:48connection with Max and you'll hear
03:50more about that as the talk goes on.
03:53But I would just say that as we plan
03:54today's sessions over the last few months,
03:56it's just been a pleasure to work together.
03:58It's really been a wonderful collaboration.
04:01And I know when you start to hear her,
04:03you're going to see why it's so much fun.
04:06Doctor Riffo is a practicing psychiatrist
04:08working in Miami with individuals,
04:11couples, families and grounds for
04:12work in the consulting room and
04:15also publicly on building and
04:17sustaining healthy relationships.
04:18That should be very much consonant in
04:21music to all the way we think as the book
04:24that she's brought with you and brought
04:26with her and it's on the back table there.
04:28Her book Be Kinder emphasizes that kindness.
04:32It's the glue that holds us together.
04:34It's a glue to community health.
04:36To individual health to
04:38sustain relationships.
04:39And now,
04:40I would say now more than ever
04:42in our fractured times,
04:43this is a message that we deeply need.
04:47As you heard from the other doctor,
04:49Ripfo are a doctor.
04:51Ripfo even has also established
04:53the Bold Beauty Project,
04:55and you'll hear about that
04:56in much more detail.
04:57But it celebrates women and
04:59celebrates their individuality of
05:01women with varying disabilities.
05:03And it encourages all of us to look
05:05at each person's individuality.
05:07That goes much deeper than what you
05:10actually see on the creativity of this
05:13project that she's brought together,
05:14I think you're going to hear about.
05:16But it is very fitting with this
05:19lecture series that brings the
05:21humanities and medicine together.
05:23So, Eva, thank you really for joining us.
05:25Thank you for being a part of the child.
05:34Thank you everybody.
05:35Thank you Linda for that beautiful
05:37introduction. Thank you Stan,
05:38who already brought me a gift.
05:41Which was so nice.
05:42Thank you, Andreas.
05:44Thank you, Patrice Una, everybody.
05:46Thank you for coming out and
05:49thank you for listening on Zoom.
05:51As you see, this is going to be a
05:54personal and professional perspective.
05:56So it's a little bit more intimate than I'm
05:59usually used to in these presentations.
06:01So I'm a little bit nervous.
06:04My father always used to start
06:06every lecture with as unaccustomed
06:08to public speaking as I am,
06:11but it's been three years
06:12and it's been a pandemic,
06:13so I am slightly unaccustomed,
06:15so hopefully that won't present any problems.
06:18I do especially want to thank Ari,
06:20because without her,
06:21none of us would be here.
06:22Max wouldn't be here, I wouldn't be here.
06:25She is our number one supporter,
06:26the Gold Beauty Project,
06:27not just US supporter,
06:28but our number one supporter since
06:30the beginning of the project.
06:32So we're deeply grateful to her and for
06:34creating this lectureship here at Yale.
06:36So without any further ado,
06:38we will get started.
06:39But I do want to say one thing,
06:41which is this is a project
06:43that is meant to spread.
06:45It is not meant to be kept to us.
06:48Patrice and I feel we're
06:49here just as conduits.
06:51So we're really hoping that this
06:52project sparks interest here with
06:54some of you at Yale or some of your
06:57friends or somebody listening on Zoom,
06:59because that is how our
07:02project gets perpetuated, so.
07:04Our teaching objectives today are
07:06to one share personal experiences.
07:09Because as you heard,
07:11Max is my half brother and so he is not here,
07:14so we feel we have to speak for him.
07:17So I'm going to share from a
07:19more personal perspective.
07:20You will learn about the Bold Beauty project.
07:22If you look around the room,
07:23we have images from the project.
07:26Each image is always displayed
07:27with a biography of our model.
07:30And so you can look at those
07:32after the program.
07:33And then lastly,
07:34since we're here at the Child Study Center,
07:37we're going to talk about change.
07:39How does change occur?
07:40Why do we do this project?
07:42And you can spread that to
07:45really any form of art.
07:46How does any form of art help people change?
07:49And I think that's really the
07:50mission of the lectureship.
07:51So it is with complete irony
07:53that it all comes together so
07:56beautifully today and really.
07:58And I do want to talk first about Max.
08:01Max was my half brother.
08:03There was a large age difference,
08:06so people get confused.
08:08But Max was here as an undergraduate.
08:11He studied poetry.
08:12He had had Ewing Sarcoma
08:14in his high school years,
08:16was in remission when he came here to Yale,
08:19and then unfortunately the cancer
08:22came back during his time here.
08:24But that did not stop Max.
08:27He went on to graduate.
08:28He then went to Columbia where he got an
08:31MFA and he actually ended up on the
08:34Columbia faculty and at the same time he
08:36had all this professional accomplishment.
08:38He also fell in love,
08:42got married, and wrote a lot.
08:45Sadly, the four books now were all
08:49published after his life ended.
08:51He died at 25 years old.
08:55Most recently,
08:56his book Letters from Max turned
08:59into a Off Broadway production.
09:04234 of my doctor friends in this room.
09:06I think I've seen that already,
09:08so I appreciate you all coming again.
09:10Patrice was there.
09:11Andreas has seen it.
09:12Was quite moving.
09:14Letters from Max was written with Sarah Ruhl.
09:18Sarah Ruhl is a professor here
09:19as hopefully you know playwright,
09:21and she befriended Max.
09:23Max was in her class.
09:26And he was an extraordinary young person.
09:29And so they struck up a friendship that
09:31lasted till the end of Max's life.
09:34And they communicated mainly by letters,
09:36sometimes emails, sometimes text,
09:38sometimes phone calls,
09:39and sometimes in person.
09:41And Max knew that this
09:43would turn into a book.
09:45And now it has turned into a
09:48show and very powerful and.
09:52New York Times reviewed, Etcetera.
09:54So we hope that the show has legs.
09:56Certainly Max has an enormous legacy
09:58for a man who only reached 25.
10:02And I think that speaks to what
10:03we're going to talk about today,
10:04which is that vulnerability comes
10:07creates an opportunity for connection.
10:10Max being so sick, so young,
10:12facing death so young,
10:14was so incredibly vulnerable
10:17and used that to connect.
10:19And he had an incredible reach during
10:22his lifetime on podcasts and writing,
10:25going places.
10:26When he passed away,
10:29his colleagues,
10:29many of whom went to school here,
10:32took his books on the road and
10:34did signings across the country.
10:36And you really couldn't go almost
10:38anywhere in 2016 without 20
10:40year olds knowing who Max was.
10:42So.
10:42It's a huge honor to be speaking here
10:46and trying to carry on his vision,
10:48which is that there is a huge role
10:52for humanities in medicine even as
10:56we're facing terminal illnesses.
10:59Max and I shared father that's Ed Rit Foe.
11:03Ed Rit Foe,
11:05many of you may know for his research
11:08and autism my father went to.
11:10Harvard Knight. Yale. I apologize.
11:11We're going to have a few Harvard
11:14folks here today. And he was a rebel.
11:16And he went out to Los Angeles and
11:19got on the faculty at UCLA and was,
11:21you know,
11:22had grown up in that psychoanalytic era
11:25where mental illness came from bad mothers.
11:27And he didn't buy that.
11:29And so he set out to show the
11:33biological cause of autism and
11:35he went to Utah and studied.
11:38Autism in families where he found
11:41multiple incidents and was able
11:43to show that there was a genetic
11:45pattern to this.
11:46So I remember my father saying that
11:49he could judge his success by the
11:51amount of hate mail he received.
11:53So that was my dad.
11:55And he also had tremendous
11:57struggle with illness in his life.
12:00He had his first heart attack
12:02in his 40s and went on to have
12:04a heart transplant at 69.
12:06And he crossed the finish line
12:08at 90 and died 10 days later.
12:12So he really broke a lot of barriers.
12:16This book that Stan just brought
12:17me is by another man who had a
12:19heart transplant at Cedars Sinai,
12:21where my father had his heart transplant.
12:23So our family is never
12:25been a stranger to illness.
12:27I remember my own therapist
12:28telling me many years ago that
12:30there's not much distance between
12:32you and the patient on the couch.
12:34And that is certainly true.
12:36So that's also been My greatest
12:39teacher is my daughter Joy,
12:41who is not here with us today
12:43because travel is difficult for her.
12:45And spoiler alert,
12:46she's leaving on the honeymoon,
12:48so she didn't want to come.
12:50But let me back out first.
12:53Doctor Abrams and I were in Cornell
12:55together doing our psychiatry training,
12:57and we both had babies at the same time.
12:59And sadly for the program director,
13:01so did seven others of us.
13:04So it was something in the
13:05water at that time.
13:06We all had our babies and
13:08everything was pretty wonderful.
13:09And then I moved down to University of Miami,
13:11where I joined the faculty.
13:12And the week before I joined the faculty,
13:15I found out that my daughter had cerebral
13:18palsy, a form called hemiparicist.
13:20She had an area in her brain
13:22that failed to develop.
13:24They called it for encephaly.
13:25It was a small hole, but it caused
13:27weakness on the left side of her body.
13:29So that was at six months.
13:31Ari jumped in.
13:33Ironic, right?
13:34And she found us a physical therapist,
13:36Occupational therapist?
13:37A woman named Lois Gold.
13:38And well, my daughter was born Marissa,
13:43so she changed her name to Joy.
13:45But she was born Marissa,
13:46so she started therapy when she was
13:49six months old and was going to the
13:52usual OT speech therapy, etcetera.
13:54And things were okay, you know.
13:56So she was weak on her left
13:58half wasn't that bad.
13:59And then at 2 1/2,
14:00she developed her first seizure.
14:03And then she went through
14:06multiple medications,
14:08at which point, at five years old,
14:10it was called medically intractable epilepsy,
14:12meaning that they could not
14:15fix it with medication.
14:17Now the hard part of the talk,
14:18which Doctor Glickson has
14:19encouraged me to go through.
14:22At 5, she went to the hospital to have brain
14:25surgery to clean up the area for encephaly,
14:30to see if the margins could be cleaner,
14:32therefore not to have these massive
14:35seizures that you were having.
14:37Sidebar, the seizures were life
14:39threatening because they wouldn't stop.
14:41So every time she had a
14:43seizure from 2 1/2 to five,
14:44we had to be 10 minutes from.
14:45An emergency room and we'd have to call
14:48the paramedics and they would give
14:49her I V sometimes through the veins,
14:51sometimes other ways that weren't so pretty.
14:53And we would have to work very
14:55hard to get her seizures to stop.
14:57So they were very life threatening seizures.
14:59So we underwent this procedure
15:01and 36 hours after the first
15:05operation she arrested and it
15:10was 5 in the morning,
15:12the surgeons came back to me and said,
15:13what do you want us to do?
15:14I'm like. I don't know.
15:17And there was a young woman there.
15:18I said, what would you do?
15:19And she said you got to go
15:20back to the operating room.
15:21So I said take her back.
15:22So she went back to the operating room.
15:25And this is where we ended up.
15:28This is the first time I've
15:30chosen to share this information.
15:32So you can see you guys are doctors here,
15:35that she lost a large portion of her brain,
15:37no longer small portion.
15:39This was at age 5, Ari,
15:42and my father flew out immediately again.
15:44And I remember my father
15:46standing at the bedside saying,
15:47well, we don't really know
15:48what's going to happen now.
15:50Time will tell.
15:51She will recover,
15:53but it's going to be a long road.
15:55It was a long road.
15:56So the therapist that Ari had
15:59found tripled down multiple,
16:00multiple hours of therapy every single day
16:03that when I brought home from the hospital,
16:06she weighed 32 pounds.
16:07She had literally no brain functioning
16:09because she had been herniating.
16:11So the good part of her brain was squished.
16:14I remember one time driving and
16:15she tried to open the car door.
16:17Five years old.
16:18So this was a very trying time.
16:21I remember thinking,
16:22why do people think hell is somewhere else?
16:26Clearly I'm in.
16:26It didn't need to die to get here.
16:29I'm there.
16:31Sidebar.
16:31I had a one year old at home and I
16:34was still working at the university,
16:37so it was a lot tough times.
16:40That continues for quite a long time.
16:43Very tough.
16:43And then things got better.
16:46And today we're here to talk
16:48about them getting better.
16:50They got better through the
16:51Bold Beauty Project.
16:54The Bold Beauty Project is not my idea.
16:59It's the idea, brainchild of Shelly Bear.
17:02Shelly and I met on what I call a
17:05blind friend date. Somebody knew I
17:07had a daughter with a disability.
17:08They knew Shelly was an inspiring
17:10woman with a disability.
17:11So they thought that we ought to meet.
17:13Definitely. A very good mix.
17:16And when I met Shelly,
17:18she told me that she had done
17:20this photo shoot back in 2006,
17:22where women with disabilities
17:24were paired with photographers,
17:27got together, had a day of a photo shoot,
17:30then they blew up the images really large,
17:32and they had a show.
17:33And Shelly felt that this changed her
17:37life and that this had given her a
17:39confidence that she'd never had before.
17:41Shelly had arthritis and she was
17:443 and so she's short stature with
17:47short arms and short fingers.
17:48And she said her whole life up till then
17:51she felt like her body was not her friend,
17:54that people were poking and prodding
17:56and staring and then when she posed
17:58you could see she was semi nude.
18:01She said it was a totally different
18:03way of looking at herself and it had
18:05really empowered her and you know,
18:07this had been nine years.
18:08It has stuck with her and she wanted to
18:11know if I would help her carry on this
18:14project since I was a psychiatrist.
18:17I had a daughter with a disability
18:18and I had already written a book
18:19called The Beauty Prescription,
18:20The complete formula for
18:21looking and feeling beautiful.
18:23So it seemed like a natural fade.
18:25So I will admit,
18:26as a psychiatrist,
18:27trained and psychoanalytic,
18:29as Karen knows at Cornell,
18:30I thought one day changed you.
18:34I don't know about that.
18:35But nonetheless it sounds like fun
18:37and I was looking for something
18:38a little fun and lighter to do.
18:40So I I jumped on board and that was 2015.
18:45You just had a a zoom from Shelly Bear.
18:51Thanks Ava.
18:52It's so sweet.
18:53And I'm going to go back and say
18:56Shelly is also at the University
18:58of Miami still on the faculty
19:00leadership training directive.
19:01And she has inspired me and so
19:03many people and she speaks about
19:05how to overcome the challenges
19:07that she has had and to live a
19:10very fulfilling and and rich life.
19:12So thank you, Shelly.
19:13Shelly's mom is also part of the program.
19:15Too.
19:16So we really started at that time,
19:18mother, daughter, mother, daughter.
19:19And then as I said already,
19:21Ari jumped in and gave us a grant.
19:24And then we got rocking and rolling.
19:28We also got connected with a
19:30man named Robert Zuckerman.
19:31Robert Zuckerman had been out in
19:33Hollywood and he was filming on all the sets.
19:36He was the photographer.
19:37When there was a movie going
19:39on that would film the stills.
19:41So when you would go to see
19:42a movie advertised.
19:43Those were oftentimes Robert Zuckerman,
19:45so he knew all the Hollywood celebrities.
19:47He was called the Picasso of Hollywood by,
19:50well, Will Smith, but I don't know
19:52if he dropped his name anymore,
19:54especially in his Yale Study Center.
19:56But anyway, Arnold Schwarzenegger,
19:58he was in that crowd.
20:00Then he got a disability.
20:02He had a glycogen storage disease,
20:05and so he became disabled
20:06in the Hollywood community,
20:07not surprisingly, was not supportive.
20:10So. To our great fortune,
20:12he came back to Miami.
20:13He also had a mother and a sister
20:15with a disability who lived in Miami.
20:17So he came back home and we met him.
20:20I met him for lunch.
20:22And being sort of a tiger mom,
20:24I told about the project and I said,
20:26would you photograph my daughter?
20:28And he said yes.
20:30And that's really what we say,
20:32like when the magic began.
20:34And I'll tell you more about
20:36that in a moment.
20:37So he took the picture of my daughter,
20:40which is here behind me,
20:43and he jumped on board as
20:45our master photographer.
20:46This was prior to Patrice coming on board,
20:48and he helped us grow the project.
20:51So where did we grow in those years
20:54from 2015 with Shelly's idea,
20:56we grew to a international organization
21:00and we were doing amazing.
21:03Right, until the pandemic.
21:05So we go to different cities,
21:07we find local models,
21:09local photographers,
21:10and then local audiences like
21:11you guys and we create shows
21:13like you see here in the back.
21:14So we started in Washington,
21:16DC we had Miami,
21:17we had Philadelphia,
21:19multiple cities in Texas.
21:20We then did our first international
21:22show in Panama and then Patrice
21:24had come on board and then.
21:26She layered on top for us our
21:29first inclusive fashion show
21:30and we also exhibited during Art
21:32Basel and I think about 7 times
21:35at Art Palm Beach and Art Boca.
21:37So we were just having tons of fun,
21:39120 models and then the pandemic hit.
21:43And then we had to stop because
21:44we did not want to risk any of
21:46our models or or our volunteer
21:48photographers getting sick.
21:50So we've been on a hiatus.
21:52We are coming back September 30th
21:55in Los Angeles in Ari's hometown.
21:59We're very excited for that.
22:00We're also in the early planning
22:01stages of what we want to be,
22:03our first international bold
22:04beauty show and we want to come
22:07back bigger and better.
22:08We did have one show during the pandemic.
22:12On a college campus,
22:14because colleges were back,
22:15so we weren't risking anybody.
22:17And that was at University of Miami,
22:19and we learned a lot from that.
22:20It was very heartwarming, very beautiful.
22:22And we do have a model
22:24for college replication.
22:25So if anybody, Julia, my cousin is here,
22:29wants to take on this project,
22:31or Andreas,
22:31who has an interest in photography,
22:33or Doctor Anna,
22:35who's also on this faculty here,
22:37we hope that somebody at Yale
22:40will like our project.
22:41Our tagline is disability becomes
22:45beauty becomes,
22:47art becomes change.
22:48So change is what everybody in this
22:52room probably wants to hear most about,
22:55right?
22:56You're all mental health professionals.
22:58And as mental health professionals,
22:59our job is to help people change.
23:02We don't always cure.
23:03That we certainly hope that we can move
23:06people from where they are to a better place.
23:10So with the Bold Beauty Project,
23:12we have tried to help women change.
23:14Again, that was Shelly's concept that
23:16she had changed from this project,
23:18and I saw it with my my own eyes,
23:20with my daughter.
23:21So we like to think about the
23:23Japanese concept of wabi sabi.
23:25If you're not familiar with it,
23:26it's about imperfection,
23:29impermanent transients.
23:31Sometimes can veer into the rustic,
23:34and this is an example of King
23:37Sugi which is repairing with gold.
23:40So in this ceramic object like
23:42you often see when they're broken,
23:46they repair it with gold and the
23:48idea being that the repair creates
23:51more beauty than you originally had.
23:54And this sings to us.
23:56Right,
23:56because I have this daughter
23:58with this disability.
23:59But now this disability has turned
24:01into something so beautiful,
24:03creating these art shows and
24:04creating change for people.
24:06So we love that concept.
24:09This is what I try to remind myself
24:11like last night when I was feeling
24:13fearful and I was doubting that I
24:15could do this, I said just be free.
24:17Just show up. Be free.
24:20You don't have to bring your fear.
24:21You don't have to bring your doubt.
24:22So this is another model for
24:24change that we hope that when our
24:26models come to us and by the way
24:28our photographers come to us,
24:30we have to talk them through the
24:32process because this is moving
24:33them out of their comfort zone.
24:35They're not used to this.
24:36And so often times,
24:38there's reluctance on both of their parts.
24:40And so it's that idea that change
24:43can occur when you move from
24:45that space of fear and doubt to
24:47that feeling of freedom,
24:49the feeling of freedom to express yourself.
24:52Through photography through
24:54like Max with poetry.
24:57So there's a lot of power in in that
24:59and so we we have to work with our
25:01models and photographers to get them there.
25:03But if you can take a quick peek behind you,
25:06you can see that we've gotten
25:08them there and the the moment
25:10for them is transcendent and the
25:12experience is transcendent.
25:14So since we're a medical school,
25:16I'll tell you another paradigm for change.
25:20We always think about our nervous
25:21system right and balanced,
25:23so we have our fight or flight or our
25:25rest and digest our tendon to friends.
25:28So we're giving people an opportunity
25:30to move from that fear base or that
25:33cortisol to that oxytocin, that love space.
25:36And if you are born with a
25:38disability like my daughter,
25:40or many of these women have
25:42developed disabilities,
25:43you live with a lot of arousal,
25:45a lot of cortisol.
25:47The simplest things are hard to do.
25:50Try brushing your teeth with one hand.
25:53So.
25:54Everything is hard to do,
25:55so you're in a state of hyper arousal.
25:58So we want this project to be
26:00about getting out of that state
26:02and feeling that parasympathetic
26:03side of the nervous system,
26:05feeling loved, supported, nurtured,
26:09connected and during the pandemic
26:10that was very, very important.
26:12And Shelly jumped in and made a
26:14support group for all the the women
26:16who'd been part of the project to
26:18continue to connect and support
26:20each other during that time.
26:22That was isolating for so many of us.
26:26Right now, this is mushrooms,
26:29this is psychedelics,
26:29this is hip and cool, right?
26:31Everybody's talking about the power of
26:34change and single interventions, right?
26:37You go in, you get your ketamine,
26:39you come out,
26:40you see the world a totally different way.
26:42So we like to think that we have found
26:44a non pharmacologic way to do it,
26:47doesn't have all the potential side
26:48effects or risks and we don't have
26:50to worry about doing it again and
26:51again and need to escalate the dose.
26:53So we create an experience,
26:55a one time experience.
26:57The only model that's been photographed
26:59twice I think is my daughter.
27:00But for for most of them,
27:02well Shelly too,
27:03it's a one time experience and we want that
27:07experience to create permanent change,
27:10to be able to see themselves
27:12and see the world differently.
27:15So the most important thing we think.
27:20That we're creating for people is an
27:23experience of increased compassion,
27:26so the women get to tell their stories
27:28so we all can understand their story,
27:32and that's how we gain in compassion.
27:35So our photographers are way
27:37out of their comfort zone.
27:38They have not done shoots like this,
27:40so we have to be compassionate toward
27:43them to sometimes they get very anxious.
27:45And then they can increase their
27:47compassion because they're working
27:49with a different sort of models.
27:51And then the audience who who comes and
27:53views these images and reads these stories,
27:56they enhance their compassion.
27:58And so today, hopefully all of you
28:00will broaden your sense of compassion.
28:02So this is an Einstein quote that I love,
28:05which is a human being is part
28:07of a whole called by us,
28:09the universe.
28:10Our task must be free ourselves.
28:14By widening our circles of compassion
28:17to embrace all living creatures and
28:20the whole of nature in its beauty.
28:23And this is one of our models who decided
28:26to be photographed in front of Einstein.
28:29And so this was an Einstein that's
28:31on the wall up in Palm Beach.
28:32So we drove ourselves up to Palm Beach and
28:35she was photographed in front of of Einstein.
28:37So thank you, Michelle.
28:40And Michelle was her photographer.
28:43So for myself,
28:44I think the change occurred
28:46based on a course correction.
28:49And the way I described this to my
28:51patients is if you set out for a long
28:54walk and you're a little bit off course,
28:56which happens to me all the time
28:58cause I have directional dyslexia.
29:00So I'm going the wrong direction.
29:03But then if you correct your course
29:06even by a little bit, if you keep going.
29:10You will end up in a very different space
29:13than the way you were going before.
29:17I think the medical model is incomplete.
29:21I grew up with two child psychiatrists.
29:24I had a choice to be anything
29:26I wanted to be in the world.
29:28OBGYN, radiology.
29:29There was going to be no prejudice.
29:32You got the joke.
29:33The joke is I had only
29:35those choices Once. I was a doctor,
29:38then I could do anything I wanted.
29:41But the assumption was that you'd go to
29:42medical school and then you'd figure out
29:44what you want to do when you grow up.
29:45So medical school is traumatizing
29:49and it can be abusive and difficult.
29:53And I think when you grow up
29:55in your 20s in that model,
29:57and then you get into academic medicine and
29:59then you have a doctor with a disability,
30:01it's kind of easy to think that life
30:04is really tough. Really challenging.
30:06And that you're supposed to be hard and
30:08you're supposed to be a fighter and
30:10you're supposed to be a problem solver.
30:12And then here I am with this problem
30:14I can't solve, can't solve it.
30:16And so for all those years from I would
30:20say my daughter's birth until 2015,
30:22the launch of the Bold Beauty project,
30:25there was a weight on me.
30:27Sense of, you know. Inadequacy.
30:29How did I let my daughter have this surgery?
30:31How did the surgery go so wrong?
30:33How did I pick this surgeon?
30:34And it was It was a heavy,
30:37heavy load to carry.
30:38Heavy load.
30:39And of course I didn't tell anybody what
30:41happened to her because it was her.
30:43I didn't want to make a decision for her.
30:45She was 5.
30:46I didn't want to tell people what she had,
30:49so I didn't tell anybody.
30:51This is the first time I'm going
30:52to tell anybody because she's 32
30:54and she went and got that X-ray
30:56for you guys all to see.
30:57So the course correction for
31:00me was maybe this isn't so bad.
31:04Maybe disability becomes beauty
31:06becomes art becomes change.
31:09Maybe it's all okay.
31:11For my daughter,
31:12the course correction was simpler.
31:16And maybe more profound.
31:19And I'm sorry she's not here
31:20to say it herself,
31:20but she is on Zoom if you want
31:21to ask her any questions.
31:22But for her,
31:23it was an opportunity for the first time
31:26in her life to see herself as beautiful.
31:31That's it. She saw herself as beautiful.
31:42This is what happens when you
31:43have a master photography.
31:45Take your picture. So she will tell
31:48you that this thank you, that's fine,
31:50that this was a permanent change for her.
31:53She was at her third attempt in college
31:56at this point at Lynn University.
31:59And after she felt beautiful,
32:01she created a dating profile and she said
32:04she was just honest and she said I'm high,
32:07I'm a shy Tumblr nerd and
32:10she wanted to meet somebody.
32:13So Vince wrote back, Hey.
32:17And if you know Vince,
32:18that that's kind of fitting.
32:20Not long on words,
32:21at least not when he's around me.
32:23And he wrote, hey,
32:25and she wrote whatever she wrote.
32:27And he came up to Lynn and met her there.
32:31They took a walk around the campus
32:33and she asked if he wanted to be
32:35her boyfriend and he said yes.
32:37This was in 2016, so.
32:41The rest blossomed very,
32:43very beautifully since then
32:45and in October she got married,
32:50so it was a long journey back.
32:53These are her photos that were
32:57shown at Art Palm Beach the day
33:00that Robert came to photograph her.
33:02We referred to as a love fest.
33:05We had. I had only met him one.
33:07She never met him.
33:08Some of our photographers and
33:10models will meet multiple times
33:12before having their shoot.
33:14Robert had one phone call with me.
33:16He said, what does your daughter want to do?
33:17I said she wants to be photographed
33:19in rose petals. He said great,
33:21have her wear something neutral.
33:22That was.
33:23It showed up the next day at my house
33:26in a wheelchair with a beautiful woman
33:28you can see in the photo named Zoride,
33:31who's hearing a paired.
33:32A mother and a 7 year old boy that he
33:36had met in Miami Children's Hospital
33:38when he was being treated for cancer
33:40and he wanted to be a photographer.
33:44So all these people come traipsing in
33:46my house at 10:00 in the morning on
33:49a Saturday and the seven-year old boy
33:51pulled all the pedals off the roses.
33:53Zuryda stood over my daughter
33:55and threw them on her.
33:57And then Robert says to my daughter who
33:59is now known for like half an hour,
34:00do you want to photograph Zuryda?
34:03And she's like, sure.
34:04And so she took that image that
34:06you see now of Zoritis.
34:08So in space of two hours, magic occurred.
34:11I stayed out of the way,
34:12by the way.
34:14And she found her in her beauty,
34:17and she found this self esteem
34:19of being a photographer.
34:21And she and Robert formed an independent
34:24relationship and she called him Pops
34:27and he called her all sorts of dear things.
34:31And it was really a very,
34:33very beautiful and very special
34:35relationship that they fostered.
34:36And we went and we exhibited many,
34:39many, many, many times.
34:40Her photo is on all the cards.
34:43So I said probably 100,000 people have seen
34:46that image now and her change has stuck.
34:49So now where is Joy getting
34:52ready for her honeymoon?
34:54She is married to Vince October of.
34:592020 two 10/22/22 and many people were
35:03at the wedding and are here today.
35:07And since she did finally finish
35:10college and I have to credit Vince
35:12with a lot of that because he said
35:14to her that he wouldn't propose
35:15until she finished college and he
35:17stuck to his word and as soon as she
35:20finished college he proposed and.
35:22She wanted to have makeup on
35:24the first day she met him,
35:26but she couldn't do it because
35:28she was alone in her room.
35:29And so she has now a patent on
35:34this product which is one hand
35:36a makeup applicator.
35:38So look for this in stores very soon.
35:40As I said,
35:41she was born Marissa but she
35:43changed her name to Joy,
35:44so the product is called Joyfully You
35:46so you can do that all on your own.
35:48So to say that I'm proud of my
35:51daughter would be an understatement.
35:54She's not here today,
35:55which is a shame because we went out
35:57shopping last week and she said refer to
35:59herself as my emotional support daughter.
36:01So I could have really used one of those
36:04this trip, but she couldn't make it.
36:06But you see her here today and I think
36:09that she's really come full circle
36:11and really found her way in the world,
36:14and I couldn't be prouder.
36:17So how did I change from the
36:18bowl of beauty project, right?
36:20So I think I told you a bit.
36:23Like, I just lifted a lot of
36:25the guilds and the loss of,
36:27you know, the narcissistic injury
36:28and all those kind of things,
36:30and I just started to have fun.
36:33You could see Patrice here in this picture.
36:36Patrice helped me with this book.
36:38I wrote this book, came out in 2018.
36:42It's about kind acts by strangers.
36:45There are 64 different stories.
36:47My story in here is the story I just
36:49told you about Robert Zuckerman,
36:51the photographer,
36:52How this man just, you know,
36:54literally rolled into our
36:55life and changed our lives.
36:57And it was such a beautiful experience.
36:58So I shared that and Joy shared
37:01her experience of meeting Vince
37:03and getting married.
37:04And then there's 62 other stories.
37:07Here. The lead story is come from away.
37:09If any of you saw come from away,
37:12the couple that met and come from away
37:14or friends of mine there in this book.
37:16And I have plenty of copies
37:17if anybody wants to copy.
37:19So we did our art shows and we would
37:21bring all this stuff about kindness and
37:23we would bring our bold beauty project.
37:25And Patrice and I were traveling,
37:26speaking at schools and temples,
37:28etcetera about kindness.
37:30Again, that all halted with a pandemic.
37:33And I cut my practice back.
37:35I will practice now,
37:37halftime,
37:37and try to indulge in some of
37:39these other projects and writing
37:41and reaching a bigger audience and
37:43just trying to have a lot more fun.
37:45The other thing that I've learned
37:47from my daughter and from our
37:49models is how important selfcare is.
37:51You know, in medicine,
37:52they teach you the reverse.
37:54I don't eat.
37:55If you're going to eat,
37:56grab a slice of pizza because
37:57that's all you have time for and you
37:59might not get to go to the bathroom
38:00because something might be like,
38:02more important than that.
38:03And again,
38:04it's kind of hard when you hear that
38:06your whole 20s to get past that.
38:07Like, I never ate lunch.
38:09I just didn't eat.
38:10And then my daughter's like, mom,
38:12you got to take care of yourself.
38:13And then I was, Oh my God,
38:14I have to take care of myself
38:16because my daughter needs me.
38:17So a real paradigm shift there.
38:19So now that I'm a little bit older,
38:21like,
38:21I prioritize yoga in front of
38:23everything else.
38:24Everything else can go around it because,
38:27you know, it's a downhill slide and
38:28you got to do the best you can.
38:30So my course correction I would say is,
38:32is very substantial.
38:34The other thing is most
38:36of my friends changed.
38:38Because not everybody gets this.
38:40And so getting into this new world,
38:43these women are amazing women,
38:46and they have become my closest and dearest
38:49friends and mental health professionals.
38:51Those are the two groups I can
38:54still hang with, but I did lose a
38:56lot of friends along the way.
38:57You know, as your priorities change and
38:59your goals change and your interests change,
39:01But I've become much more.
39:03Fulfilled have a real sense of
39:05purpose gets you up in the morning.
39:08And I think it goes back to that freedom,
39:09like the freedom to express who
39:11you are and what you want to do.
39:14Sometimes as a therapist,
39:15we limit that, right?
39:16Because it's all about the other.
39:18And so I think that that can,
39:20you know be very draining.
39:22And so it's been really nice to
39:23just get out and be able to talk
39:25to people and I appreciate being
39:26here today and telling my story.
39:28Oops. So how do our models change?
39:31I told you about how Shelly changed.
39:33I told you about how my daughter Joy changed.
39:36She went from being Marissa to Joy.
39:39She said she's a Phoenix Rerisen
39:41and she has been a great example.
39:45This is an incredible woman.
39:46Her name is Roni. She lives in Panama.
39:49She's part of our Panama show.
39:51She's the mother of four,
39:52and she developed the flu and pneumonia.
39:55She spent 60 days in a coma.
39:58And then.
39:59Like Joy was reborn,
40:01she lost both of her legs and one hand.
40:05Only one hand is left,
40:07but her passion was to be able to
40:10still throw a ball with her children,
40:13so she wanted to be depicted.
40:17For being beautiful.
40:17Because as you can see,
40:18she's a beautiful woman.
40:20But she also wanted to be shown engaged
40:22in one of her favorite activities,
40:24which is baseball.
40:25So each model decides what's
40:27important to them,
40:29and then the photographer
40:30works to help capture that.
40:32So she said, for her,
40:33this day was very transformative
40:35because it reminds her never to give up,
40:38that you can always achieve your
40:39dreams no matter what they are,
40:41no matter how far they.
40:42Feel away from you.
40:43Don't give up because you can achieve them.
40:45This photo was done only four years after
40:48she had been in the coma for 60 days.
40:50She has since gone on to
40:51become a public speaker.
40:53I think her book is out now and quite an
40:56inspiration and extraordinary person to meet.
41:00I'm going to talk also about.
41:03Well,
41:04I don't want to say favorite,
41:05That's not the right word.
41:06But the woman that I'm most
41:08intimate and closest with from our
41:10project and that's Kerry Grueson.
41:12And Kerry has become a very dear friend.
41:14She was also my neighbor.
41:16I inadvertently moved into the
41:18same building that she was in.
41:20So that was a real blessing.
41:22And Kerry to me is the perfect
41:24model for post traumatic growth.
41:27And you in this room know
41:29what post traumatic growth is.
41:31It's very important,
41:32I think, that we all ignore.
41:34Knowledge how damaging the pandemic
41:36was that every single one of us in
41:38this room was damaged by the pandemic.
41:41Not to say that we don't have post
41:43traumatic growth and we're coming out better,
41:45but so much was lost,
41:47so much was lost all of a sudden
41:49and so much anxiety was gained.
41:51So I think it's a very important time
41:53for us as mental health professionals to
41:55be talking about post traumatic growth.
41:57And post traumatic growth occurs in
42:002/3 of people experiencing trauma.
42:03So this is what we see in our models.
42:06They are extraordinary women because
42:07the ones we select are the 2/3 that have
42:10grown and we try to select, you know,
42:12the most exemplary ones of those.
42:14So these are the pillars of post traumatic
42:16growth and you could hear these in
42:18in my story and my daughter's story,
42:20the model stories,
42:21the photographer's stories,
42:22starting Anna at the top
42:24with spiritual change.
42:25Moving to personal strength.
42:27These are strong women.
42:29Don't mess with them.
42:31Relationships to others change.
42:32You have to be very intimate and
42:34very caring to be in relationship
42:36with somebody who has a lot of needs.
42:39I'm looking at Doctor Glickson.
42:40We've been through a lot together.
42:42We're incredibly bonded.
42:44Karen tragically lost her
42:46husband December 30th of 2019,
42:49so we went through that right
42:51before the pandemic.
42:52In The Pandemic,
42:53so your relationships deepens.
42:55Karen's best friend is
42:56now my best friend Lynn,
42:58because we've been through
42:59all these things together.
43:00You have an appreciation for life.
43:04What do you think it's like to be
43:06my age here, speaking for my half
43:08brother who died at 25 on this campus,
43:11practically, right?
43:14You must have an appreciation for life.
43:17Life is short.
43:18Life is fleeting.
43:19People who've been through trauma know that.
43:21They get that.
43:22I don't go through a day without thinking
43:25about maybe I wasn't going to be here.
43:26What if I'm not here?
43:27All these sorts of thoughts.
43:29Julia.
43:30Oh my gosh,
43:31my cousin is here.
43:33We tragically lost her father,
43:35March of 2020 in a boating accident.
43:38So we must appreciate every day.
43:41Joy is here as a freshman,
43:42so proud of her for being here.
43:44And then new possibilities.
43:46And that is what the bold
43:48beauty project is about.
43:50I would never have thought
43:51of anything like this.
43:53Thank goodness that Shelly did.
43:54Thank goodness a friend put us together.
43:56Thank goodness for so many things.
43:58Thank goodness for Ari supporting us.
44:00Patrice was met through a mutual
44:02friend at a cocktail party.
44:03So these are all the ways that people
44:05can experience post traumatic growth.
44:07I think it's vitally important as.
44:10Healthcare professionals that
44:11we focus on growth,
44:12not just illness.
44:14So I want to tell you about Kerry.
44:17This is a picture of Kerry.
44:19This is a gentleman who's holding
44:20her up because she cannot stand.
44:23You can see he only has one leg.
44:25So Kerry again, sorry,
44:27we're Harvard, not Yale.
44:29Harvard undergraduate ended up
44:32in journalism was on her way to.
44:37Report the end of the Vietnam War.
44:39She was in Hawaii,
44:41in a hotel room, alone,
44:43interviewing a Green Beret.
44:45He had APTSD flashback,
44:48mistook her for Vietcong,
44:51strangled her, left her for dead.
44:55She stumbled onto the street.
44:57Spent many years rehabilitating.
45:00She has post traumatic Parkinson's.
45:04Where she can practically not move,
45:08her head is tilted.
45:09Her voice is a whisper.
45:10She can go like this and
45:12give you a thumbs up.
45:14And her nonprofit is called
45:17Thumbs Up International,
45:19where they take athletes with
45:21disabilities like this man and
45:23like Harry and athletes that don't
45:25have disabilities and pair them.
45:27And they go through all
45:32these experiences together.
45:33Carrie's message is very simple,
45:35which is a look beyond perceived
45:39limitations and together
45:42we can and can she does.
45:45She also has a documentary
45:47called May I Help You?
45:49In which she talks about how
45:51needing help is actually a gift
45:55because giving help feels so good.
45:58Well,
45:58how are you going to give
46:00help if no one needs help?
46:02So this is something that I've learned,
46:03because they certainly wouldn't teach
46:05you that in medical school, would they?
46:07So I learned from my daughter, ask for help.
46:10So I need reading glasses.
46:12But you know what?
46:12A lot of times I don't put them on.
46:14I asked somebody, could you read me this?
46:15Could you read me that?
46:17Because that's how we connect.
46:19We connect through our vulnerability.
46:22We don't necessarily
46:23connect through strength.
46:25We connect through vulnerability.
46:26I know you know who Brené Brown is,
46:29and I'm sure you've seen her Ted Talk,
46:31but Carrie is the manifestation of that.
46:33And her documentary is called May I Help You?
46:37It's on YouTube.
46:38It's 27 minutes around.
46:40I highly urge you to watch it.
46:42Carrie competes with a woman named Karen.
46:45They have 3 Guinness Book of World's Records.
46:48For athletic accomplishments,
46:50one is the most triathlons completed
46:54by a person carrying a person.
46:57They did 3 triathlons in a week.
46:59They raced across the state of Florida.
47:02Okay second one is the fastest duo
47:05team in the New York City Marathon
47:09and the third is the longest duo team.
47:12I think it's like 56 hours.
47:15Okay, This is a woman who cannot
47:17brush her teeth without help,
47:18yet she gathers all these people
47:22to do these incredible things,
47:26so she's also brilliant.
47:28Her mind is unaffected and we text
47:31and e-mail probably on a daily basis.
47:34And anytime I'm in traffic and I think,
47:37oh, I'm so frustrated, I'm in traffic.
47:39I think, no, I'm not going there.
47:42I'm in traffic, I can drive.
47:45There's no problem here.
47:46So Kerry has helped me gain a
47:48perspective that I don't know
47:50how else I would have gained.
47:52How do you gain that perspective without
47:55knowing somebody so intimately as this?
47:57So Kerry is very, very accessible.
48:00She's listening on Zoom now.
48:01If anybody wants her e-mail address,
48:03if anybody wants to participate
48:05in Thumbs Up International,
48:06please reach out to any of us.
48:10How do our photographers change? Well.
48:13We're going to give you hot off the press.
48:16Patrice and I called the photographer
48:17from this shoot this morning.
48:19Her name is Kelly.
48:20This is one of my favorite images.
48:22This is a a woman named Teresa and Teresa
48:25is a vet and she has post traumatic
48:28stress disorder and a very high level
48:30of anxiety amongst other disabilities.
48:33And she's extremely indiverted and
48:35doesn't like to leave the house.
48:37So she decided to be really
48:39brave for a bold beauty shoot.
48:41Patrice was there that day
48:42they went to Times Square.
48:44Now this was pre pandemic,
48:46so it was crowded with people,
48:48had everybody kind of move away
48:50and they took this image of her.
48:52Kelly, our photographer,
48:53had been a photographer prior
48:55to this experience.
48:56She told us literally this morning
48:58that the bold beauty experience for
49:01her was so transformative that she
49:04went back to social work school.
49:06And is now working full time
49:08as a social worker.
49:09And I said to her, are you happier now?
49:12And she said of course I am.
49:14I found my purpose.
49:17I feel so fulfilled and I feel whole.
49:22I did not plant that word.
49:24So we all got very tearful,
49:26including the makeup artist who by
49:27the way is on board for the next
49:29show when we do it here in New Haven.
49:30She was so touched by the whole thing.
49:32So not only do our photographers change,
49:34but our ancillary services change too.
49:36And we have makeup artist volunteering.
49:38We have all sorts of people volunteering.
49:40This was our most incredible
49:42shoot that we've ever done.
49:43This is a woman named Leticia.
49:45Leticia was injured in a car
49:48accident and is paraplegic and the
49:51photographer is Alexandra Vivas and.
49:54Casandra worked with a sculptor.
49:56They went to thrift shops and
49:59they got 3 wheelchairs.
50:01He welded them together,
50:02created a cage made out of the wheelchairs.
50:05Because this was what she wanted.
50:08They collaborated.
50:08She wanted to show herself
50:11breaking free from her wheelchair,
50:14wheelchair cage.
50:15So we have a pool,
50:18we have a black tart we've got.
50:20People everywhere submerge the
50:23sculpture underwater.
50:25She's wearing a special underwater suit,
50:26special underwater makeup,
50:28The photographers down there with
50:30scuba gear and our model swimming out
50:34and swimming out and swimming out.
50:35I'm like, Oh my God,
50:36how many times are we going to do the shoot?
50:37We can't keep doing the shoot,
50:39but you know how photographers are.
50:40Do it again, do it again,
50:41do it again.
50:43So this was the most impactful
50:45shoot to be present at and we
50:47think an incredibly powerful image.
50:49So this photographer has stayed with us.
50:52She's going to be shooting again
50:54for international,
50:54probably for Los Angeles as well,
50:57and she found this experience to
51:00be incredibly transformative.
51:01Our our coordinator for this shoot
51:03then went on to do our same project,
51:06but with incarcerated women.
51:08And this photographer did this amazing,
51:10amazing underwater shoot of an
51:12incarcerated woman talking through one
51:14of those phones.
51:15So just incredible talent,
51:18incredible creativity.
51:20Also not necessarily encouraged
51:21in medical school, right?
51:22You got to think within those lines.
51:25Not everybody think, oh,
51:26we have Mary who thought outside
51:28of the box and is one of the
51:29founders of immunotherapy.
51:31But in medical school they teach
51:32you think within the lines.
51:34So the creativity part of our
51:35project I think has been very
51:37important and very transformative.
51:39So I know we're running out of time.
51:42Our audience,
51:43our audience to me is our most important.
51:45Why sheer numbers.
51:46You guys are our biggest, right.
51:49We have 120 models, 120 photographers.
51:51We've had thousands and thousands and
51:53thousands of of people listening to us.
51:56So today I'm hoping that you will all change.
51:59I hope that you will leave here different.
52:02I hope that you will feel connected
52:04to this project to reach out
52:06to any of us at any time.
52:08I hope you will feel braver
52:09to connect with other people,
52:11to connect through vulnerability as.
52:13Max and my daughter and everyone
52:16has shown you,
52:17I hope that you will gain perspective.
52:19Anybody who has 2 feet to walk out
52:22of here is blessed. If you can see,
52:24you're blessed if you can hear,
52:26you're blessed. You're at Yale.
52:28You've got a high IQ.
52:29You're hard workers.
52:31You're ambitious.
52:31You are blessed every moment of your life.
52:34You're blessed and take these blessings
52:37to help people that are challenged
52:39in other ways and to be grateful.
52:42Being grateful is such an important
52:45way of improving your own life.
52:47Thinking about what you're grateful for.
52:49Hopefully you're grateful
52:50that you came here today,
52:52that you are on this campus,
52:53that you're growing, that you're
52:55learning you're making new friends.
52:57How can you grow as a healer?
53:00Have you heard of Gabor Monte?
53:02Raise your hand. Great. So about half.
53:05Have the other half. This is homework.
53:07Latest book is called The Myth of Normal.
53:09It was 10 years in the writing.
53:11He just wrote it with his son.
53:12600 pages.
53:13So if you want to get it shorter
53:14you can watch the YouTube version.
53:16Not bad,
53:16but his whole belief is that we are
53:20fracturing ourselves with trauma.
53:24Small tea trauma, Big tea trauma.
53:26And that's why our society and
53:28our cultures are so damaged.
53:30He's Canadian,
53:31so he sort of looks down upon us,
53:33but they have their problems there as well.
53:36But his concept is healing into
53:38wholeness rather than healing disease.
53:41We try to do that,
53:42but we can't always do that.
53:44And I think what our project is about
53:46we don't touch these women's disease.
53:47We don't care about their diseases.
53:49We want them to feel whole and
53:51we want them to feel seen and.
53:54We want them to feel complete.
53:55So I think his message is extremely powerful,
53:58very beautiful,
53:59and we can take it all to ourselves,
54:02right?
54:02So each of us needs to feel
54:05whole and then we bring that into
54:07our work as a healer
54:09and we can help people feel whole.
54:11Even as Mario knows,
54:13in the face of a terminal illness
54:16people can still feel whole.
54:18So in conclusion.
54:21Trauma is not what happens to us,
54:23but what we hold inside in the Absence
54:27of an Empathic Witness by Gabor Monte.
54:30I used you guys today as a witness
54:33to share something that I've
54:34carried as a secret for 27 years,
54:37so I'm hoping that I will
54:40feel healed when I leave here.
54:43This is my favorite image, other than,
54:45of course, my every other one,
54:47which is my favorite.
54:48Really have to stop using that word.
54:50This is a woman who had Ms.
54:52who thought and was told that she
54:55could not conceive and her greatest
54:57dream was to have a child and she
55:00got pregnant and she went through
55:02the pregnancy without an Ms.
55:04flare.
55:04And this is her son and this is
55:08her son gazing into her eyes.
55:10She always wanted to be on a magazine
55:12cover with her son and this image
55:14was on a magazine cover in Panama.
55:16So in terms of empathic witness,
55:19you don't get better than that.
55:20You don't get better than my
55:22emotional support daughter,
55:23my other daughter who's so beautiful
55:25and empathic and is watching today
55:27and has texted me 10 times today
55:30to see if I'm okay and you guys
55:32are all empathic witness for me.
55:33And you need to be empathic
55:36witnesses for your patients.
55:37It's a broadening of your concept of healing.
55:40Can I just say before you finish,
55:42really not done. I'm really not done.
55:44Can you give me two more slides?
55:45Yes,
55:45because there's someone who
55:46wants to say something to you,
55:47but go, go ahead, two more slides.
55:49My daughter Joy would like to speak to you.
55:51She would like to tell you to appease,
55:53be slow, be kind,
55:54be patient, be compassionate.
55:56And that people like all these
55:59models are not disabled.
56:02They have different abilities
56:03because she can't run and jump
56:06and play and do all those things.
56:08She's incredibly intuitive.
56:10And incredibly artistic,
56:12because Kerry can't do.
56:13I don't know what she can't do,
56:16but somehow she can do all these
56:18things that no other human can do.
56:20These are different abilities.
56:21So broaden your lens.
56:23Think of these women with
56:24different abilities.
56:25And my last word,
56:26I promise last word is be
56:28the change you wish to see.
56:30So embrace all of your different abilities,
56:33like I told you, my directional dyslexia.
56:35Embrace all of that.
56:36And that's how we heal ourselves
56:38into wholeness.
56:39And that will be the way we
56:41can help heal others around us
56:44and hopefully heal society.
56:53Now, please don't
56:54go anywhere just yet. Just there's two
56:57quick comments, or maybe others if
56:59people need to leave.
57:00After that, if you want to linger,
57:01we have a reception here.
57:03We want people to linger and we
57:04want them to read the biographies.
57:07Yes, but more important than linger
57:09and reading the buyer, If he's there,
57:10someone who is going to say something,
57:12You might recognize it by the name
57:13of Joy Paloso. So,
57:16Joy Paloso. Come on in. We hear you loud and
57:18clear. Come on in. I do this.
57:20I'll place out there. Hi Mama.
57:24Hi, love.
57:27What do you want to tell the audience?
57:29I just told them different
57:30abilities instead of disabilities.
57:34Well, I just want to say
57:35you did a fantastic job
57:37and even though I'm not with you in person,
57:39I'm still your emotional support
57:41daughter supporting from here.
57:45And I'm proud of you and
57:51I'm. I'm glad that like we are where
57:53we are on the journey and that we
57:56can share all of this
57:58together now. And we can go
58:01forward from here. And
58:04yeah, and thank you to Max
58:05for creating the space.
58:07And thank you to our Linda
58:08and Andreas and everybody.
58:10And there's one important
58:12thank you that we want to add.
58:13So all this event in addition
58:15to what Lyndon you mentioned
58:16is being sponsored really,
58:18Ari is the President of the
58:20Alan Slifka Foundation.
58:21And the Alan Slifka Foundation has
58:22been so generous over the years.
58:24And Alan interestingly was
58:27all about coexistence.
58:28Right.
58:29And I'd like to think that this is a
58:31type of coexistence between the arts
58:32and medicine that you have so beautifully,
58:34you know, brought to us and shared with us.
58:36So thank you.
58:37And the last quote is,
58:39thank you for sharing.
58:40So amazing.
58:41I would agree with Virginia Zucchini.
58:43Oh, wherever the art of medicine is love,
58:45there is also a love of humanity.
58:47So again, thank you.
58:48Let me give the last word to Linda.
58:51Anything to add?
58:52Last word for the last word, Ari.
58:55Just that Patrice found this
58:56beautiful quote by Hippocrates.
58:57So there's nothing new under the sun, right?
59:00And it seems so modern and fresh to
59:02bring humanities and medicine together.
59:04But I think Hippocrates directed us to
59:06do that as long as well as do no harm.
59:09So hopefully I've done no harm today.
59:11And hopefully I've encouraged all
59:13of you to bring a more humanistic
59:15approach to your sciences,
59:17to your medicine,
59:18and to recognize your power as a healer.
59:20Just being an empathic witness,
59:21that's all you have to do.
59:23And so thank you for listening today.
59:25And thank you, Max,
59:26for creating the space for us.
59:28And I think we're also just
59:31deeply grateful to Ari for every
59:33step of this journey.
59:34And to everybody who's
59:36listening today on Zoom,
59:37who's also played a big role, thank you.