In this inaugural post for a new blog developed by the Family-Based Recovery (FBR) Model Development and Operations (MDO) team at the Yale Child Study Center, Assistant Clinical Professor Amy Myers shares some insights related to the importance of humility in the work of the FBR program. The newly launched blog – titled "In Our Humble Opinion” – will involve approximately quarterly posts from FBR MDO team members, sharing insights learned from their work providing home-based substance use treatment and attachment-based therapy to parents of young children. Any opinions or views expressed in this blog are those of the authors and are not intended to represent Yale University.
Stating Our Intentions
In our first encounters with new staff and with families we will be treating, Family-Based Recovery (FBR) aims to state our intentions from the very beginning. In day-one of new staff training and at intake appointments with families, we say as plainly as we can, “families are the experts in their lives.” By stating this aloud, we firmly root our intentions to move away from a stance of competence; competence implying that a maximum level of knowledge and expertise can be achieved – that we can somehow learn everything there is to know. Instead, in FBR we strive to exist in a state of humility, one that acknowledges there is always more to know and that there will always be others who know better than us. And in the case of providing substance use treatment to parents of young children, we will invite the parents to share their lived expertise with us.
What is Humility?
Many in the helping professions offer definitions of humility and even specify subcategories of humility, such as ethical, intellectual, relational and cultural humility. Van Tongeren and colleagues state humility is “a trait characterized by (a) an ability to accurately acknowledge one’s limitations and abilities and (b) an interpersonal stance that is other-oriented rather than self-focused.” Van Tongeren spells out a definition of intellectual humility, which can easily be applied to any kind of humility, “[it] has to do with beliefs, ideas or worldviews … it means keeping your ego in check so you can present your ideas in a modest and respectful manner. It calls for presenting your beliefs in ways that are not defensive and admitting when you’re wrong. It involves showing that you care more about learning and preserving relationships than about being “right” or demonstrating intellectual superiority.”
Why is Humility Important?
Zero to Three founding Member Jeree Pawl said it perfectly, “How you are is as important as what you do.” Ways of being communicate so much. Our way of being with families in FBR can counteract challenges many parents have endured.
In our 18 years of providing the FBR model, we have witnessed the devaluing of parents enrolled in our treatment. There is no one system at fault, rather there are culture-wide beliefs that villainize people with substance use disorders, particularly those with active addiction while pregnant or parenting – these people are FBR clients. Further, our society often views infants who have been exposed to substances in utero as damaged goods rather than as babies possessing the potential to heal, with parents possessing the potential to heal them.
Being with families in a state of humility conveys that we are showing up as partners. Partners value each other and recognize each other’s areas of expertise. When we start with the assumption that families join FBR with expertise that we providers can learn from, we give ourselves permission to remain open and curious. Remaining open and curious diminishes the pressure to deliver answers. Curiosity, much like humility, finds comfort in not having the answers. Curiosity invites learning that is experiential, process-oriented and that can embrace trial and error. Trial, error, and process are all crucial elements of recovering from substance use disorders and of effective parenting. Recovery is not a straight line forward. Parenting is not a paint by numbers. When we lead with curiosity, we give FBR parents permission to not get it right. And when we partner with humility, we can share in the delight over successes big and small.
Practicing What We Teach
In our time of providing the FBR model, we have learned a lot from families. One of the things we have learned, and continue to learn, is how to be responsive to this learning. In the same way that we ask staff to practice with curiosity and humility, our team in FBR Model Development and Operations (MDO) can consider the parallel process. As keepers of the model, we have reviewed, revised, edited, updated, reconsidered and adjusted. This is not to say we are subject to whim or quirky trends. We are not impulsive. We apply careful consideration and prudent trepidation to the changes we adopt. This is to say, however, that we are aware that we do not have all the answers. No one does. While we continue in the work of preserving families, we endeavor for our best-practice to be informed by the experts we work with. Among those experts are the families we are privileged to serve.
Van Tongeren, D. R., Davis, D. E., Hook, J. N., & vanOyen Witvliet, C. (2019). Humility. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 28(5), 463–468. https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2019-60459-007
Tongeren, D. V. (2023). The curious joy of being wrong – intellectual humility means being open to new information and willing to change your mind. The Conversation U.S.