Program for Humanities in Medicine Health Professions Creative Writing and Art Contest 2023 Awards Ceremony

June 01, 2023

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May 4, 2023

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00:00Welcome to the
00:0522 2022-2023 program for Humanities
00:08in Medicine, Health profession,
00:10student Creative writing in our contest.
00:13My name is Anna Reisman.
00:14I am the director of the Program for
00:16Humanities in Medicine and really,
00:18really happy to be mostly in person with
00:21a few people still on Zoom this year.
00:23But it's been it's been quite a
00:25few years now, so this is great.
00:29The This contest has been around
00:31for more than two decades,
00:33thanks to the Rush Lerner family.
00:35They funded the original
00:37iteration of this contest,
00:38which is called the Marguerite Rush Lerner
00:41Medical Student Creative Writing Contest,
00:43and it provided awards in poetry
00:45and prose just to medical students.
00:47Doctor Marguerite Rush Lerner was a member
00:49of the Yale Dermatology Department and the
00:52first woman chief of Yale Health Services,
00:55Durham Clinic.
00:56And she also offered several children's books
00:59centered around public health and diversity.
01:01Two of her four sons are graduates
01:03of Yale School of Medicine,
01:05and this award is established
01:07in honor by her family.
01:09In the last few years,
01:10we've expanded the contest to include art.
01:14As you could see,
01:15some of our art and those on Zoom will
01:17show it will show it a little bit later.
01:19And we've also opened it up to all health
01:21profession students here at Yale, so.
01:23Not just medical students,
01:25but Papa,
01:26online nurse practitioner and
01:28public health students as well.
01:31This year I believe we received close
01:33to 80 yes submissions between all
01:36of the three categories and medical
01:39student winners will receive the
01:40Rush Lerner Prize and student winners
01:42from the other health profession.
01:44Schools will receive a program
01:46for Humanities Medicine prize.
01:47Same thing, different name.
01:50I want to just call out our wonderful
01:52judges who generously read and viewed and
01:55commented on all of the submissions in art.
01:58And I think only one of
01:59them is here in person.
02:00Terry Degraddy.
02:02Thanks,
02:03Terry.
02:06So the other art judges were Muffy
02:08and their gas Joe and Wilcox,
02:09Kenneth Morford and Melissa Graff.
02:12Our pros judges were Randy Epstein,
02:14Lisa Sanders, Vincent Quaglirello,
02:17Lawrence Gutterman and Rosanna.
02:19Gonzalez Colosso and poetry
02:21judges of a black Sharon Ostwell,
02:24Johns Sarah Cross, Nora Cigar,
02:26and Beth Marhofer.
02:27So thank you to all of the judges,
02:30but really thank you to all the
02:31students here who are winners,
02:33and also to all the students who did not win.
02:36But you submitted such fine work and
02:38really led to a lot of great competition
02:41and discussion among the judges.
02:43Thank you to Karen Cole,
02:44who does all the behind the scenes
02:46work with a contest and thanks to
02:49everybody for joining tonight.
02:50So, OK, so the presentations are going to,
02:56I've kind of ordered them so they're
02:58kind of going between poetry,
02:59prose and art.
03:00And each winner will come up
03:01and tell you a little bit about
03:03their piece of art if they're not
03:04winner or they'll read a selection
03:06from their prose or poetry.
03:10And so first, I want to welcome
03:12up Matthew Ponticello, my five
03:14friends And me is the name of his
03:17poetry piece that won first prize.
03:28One second. Sorry.
03:34Hi, I'm Matt. So I will just
03:37read my fit my poem, which is
03:39called My Five Friends and Me,
03:42Dysthymia, Dysmorphia,
03:44Bulimia, Anxiety, and OCDI.
03:46Put each one of them on a fingertip
03:48and hold my hand up to the light
03:50and they kind of look like you.
03:51I feel like I first met Dysthymia
03:53in elementary school when I
03:54learned the days of the week.
03:56I remember hearing the days of the
03:57week and wondering who thought
03:58it would be a good idea to only
03:59make the weekend two of them.
04:00I remember thinking to myself,
04:02why are there more bad days than good?
04:04Why are there more bad days than good?
04:06Why are there more bad days than good?
04:08Why are there more bad days than good?
04:09Is this what they're calling
04:11dysthymia Dysmorphia is the way
04:13I play with the fat on my sides,
04:15the way I run my hands over my stomach
04:1710 No 20 No 30 No 40 times a day?
04:19Actually, if I'm being honest,
04:21I've never actually counted,
04:22because counting would probably
04:23just make it worse.
04:24Dysmorphia is the way I run my hands
04:26over my hips and stomach before bed.
04:28Sometimes I pretend to spoon myself,
04:30wondering what the fat feels like
04:31to someone I'm sleeping with.
04:33If it wasn't obvious, I'm the big spoon.
04:35That way I don't have to think
04:36about the other person thinking
04:38about the fat all over my body.
04:39Bulimia is for the weak,
04:41those two weak to stop eating altogether and
04:43who decide purging is the next best thing.
04:45Bulimia is shoving my hands down my throat,
04:47trying to catch the food
04:48before it falls to my stomach.
04:50Bulimia is also hating myself,
04:51wondering why I didn't have the strength,
04:53just not eat in the first place.
04:55Bulimia is also running 8 miles a day
04:57and having people commend you for it.
04:58Or having people tell you that
05:00you're a success story of a fat,
05:01depressed kid who's now skinny
05:03and successful.
05:04Did you hear that We are a success story?
05:06The anxiety is a bit more complicated.
05:09Anxiety is taking a test,
05:10or taking my shirt off during sex,
05:12or taking five shots at a party,
05:14or seeing you in the library,
05:15or thinking about seeing you in the library,
05:17or having your friends
05:18over and hyperventilating,
05:19thinking about the fact that they
05:20might just say your name aloud.
05:22Yeah, the anxiety is a bit more complicated.
05:25The OCD is the way I talk to myself
05:26or the way I grab my friend's arms.
05:28I'm really lucky.
05:29I have good friends that don't question it.
05:31I try to interrupt these anxious
05:33thoughts that are mostly about
05:34you with words or gestures.
05:36It feels like my body is running in
05:37circles trying to put out these tiny fires,
05:39but every time we get to 1,
05:40another pops up right behind me.
05:42I try exposure therapy, though.
05:44So for me,
05:45OCD is thinking the same thought twice.
05:47Once for my body, the second time for me.
05:50And the second time is always more painful.
05:52I shudder and breathe and pray
05:53that if I do
05:53this enough times, I will be habituated
05:55to the pain and it will stop.
05:57So far the pain hasn't stopped.
06:00I've heard them say that two is
06:01company and three is a party,
06:02but what about my five friends and me?
06:04Or is it 6? Hard to tell if I count
06:06as my own person in all of this.
06:08I'm not sure if it's a party per se,
06:09but we're all talking over
06:11each other as if it is one.
06:12And if we feel we're not heard,
06:14we get even louder to make sure
06:15we are heard over everyone.
06:16I think I need to try having a
06:18conversation with each of them.
06:20Ask them what brought them here.
06:21I wonder if I've made them
06:23feel neglected or maybe they're
06:24trying to teach me something.
06:25I'm not sure yet,
06:26but I'll ask them and get back to you.
06:28In the meantime,
06:29I want you to think about this.
06:31When I said they look like you in the light,
06:32I meant in two ways.
06:34The first being, yeah,
06:34you have a **** ton of these tendencies.
06:37The second being,
06:38what did you do to make me like this too?
06:40Thank you.
06:53Thank you, Matthew.
06:54That was wonderful and okay.
07:07So our next student to be featured is
07:13Grace Grace Wong who created the small.
07:18So you are those here are welcome to get up
07:21and look at it when she's talking about it.
07:23She won first prize. The first prize,
07:26Rush Lerner for the anatomy Garden. Grace.
07:37Hi, I'm Grace. I'm one of
07:38the second year Med students.
07:39We got to just get it up here. So.
08:04So I created this piece a couple
08:06of months into my clerkship year,
08:09started in January,
08:10and my first block was surgery,
08:12and it was definitely a challenging 3 months,
08:14but I gained a lot of appreciation
08:17for just the beauty of human
08:19anatomy in those months.
08:19And so I guess on a very literal sense,
08:22I wanted to capture
08:24some of that in my painting.
08:26When I was sitting down to plan this piece,
08:28I was also reflecting a lot
08:30about change and growth,
08:32which can be really beautiful parts of life.
08:35But there were things happening in my
08:37own life that were kind of prompted
08:39me to reflect on how sometimes
08:41these processes can be challenging,
08:43especially when things outside of our
08:45control lead to a lot of change in our lives.
08:48And then we're forced to.
08:49Grow with those changes and personally
08:52I find a lot of inspiration from
08:54being in nature and observing nature,
08:56which is always in a state of dynamic growth.
08:58So hard to explain in words,
09:01but hopefully you can see how some
09:02of those reflections are incorporated
09:05into this piece.
09:07Painting has always been really
09:08important to me and so I feel very
09:10lucky to get to share this with you all.
09:12So thanks for being here.
09:31All right. Thank you so much.
09:32Grace Okay. Our next student
09:35to be featured is Anna Preston,
09:40MD student, and she won first
09:43place in the poetry category,
09:46as well as an honorable mention.
09:48And she will be reading both poems.
10:02Hi everyone. Thanks so much for being here.
10:04I have two short poems today.
10:05The 1st is called Birth.
10:10It is hard to wrap in
10:12numbers the thing they call a miracle
10:15as it bleeds through the belly of
10:16a name that could be anyone's.
10:19We trust our witness
10:20sufficient to make us experts
10:22in something we have never felt.
10:24They trust it too.
10:25What choice do they have,
10:27alone or surrounded?
10:28Eyes bright or heavy,
10:30they come, their past effaced.
10:33All is now a snip, a scream and exhale,
10:38a body broken and new.
10:41It is a miracle. It is a Tuesday.
10:44It is every hour.
10:46It is once in a lifetime.
10:48It is sometimes not at all,
10:50the moment all of our light began.
10:56And the second poem is called
10:58A Letter to a Younger Universe.
11:02My dear, I know how it feels,
11:05as though your body is too small to
11:07contain the exploding stars within you,
11:09your heart grossly insufficient to drive
11:11its blood to your outermost galaxies.
11:14It feels like it will take forever
11:16to get there, wherever there is.
11:19But you're growing at the speed of light,
11:21new elements forming moment by
11:23moment in the Crucible of your soul.
11:26I have felt the white hot light you keep
11:28at your center, blinding and fiery,
11:30which you are equally terrified
11:33to hold and to lose.
11:34Yes, I know, it haunts you,
11:36The inevitable tumble towards heat,
11:37death, every atom spinning out a flare.
11:40You cannot recover, but you see,
11:43you don't need to be afraid,
11:44of growing old,
11:46of slowing down the creatures that breathe
11:49and walk in my hair and through my fingers,
11:52the flowers that bloom.
11:54Some things you need to
11:56slow down for them to grow.
11:57Life is fragile and cannot withstand
12:00the blinding heat you are now.
12:02And though you may be a moment closer
12:03to the stillness that you fear,
12:05you may not find it to be an
12:07entirely undesirable thing.
12:09Because right now, my dear,
12:11you cannot even imagine the color green,
12:14and I cannot begin to describe it.
12:16You must see it for yourself.
12:18Thank you.
12:33You so much Anna Okay.
12:35Our next reader will be Hannah May
12:411st place First place Prose Winner
12:43and she will be reading her piece
12:46called The Donor and Daycare and she
12:48also had a piece awarded an honorable
12:50mention in prose called North Country.
13:03Thank you. When
13:05I drop my daughter off at daycare in
13:07the morning, dressed in blue scrubs,
13:09I must look like I'm I'm on
13:11my way to save a few lives.
13:12At the nearby hospital,
13:14I waved bye bye to the babies and teachers,
13:16smiling as I go.
13:18A few hours later, I'm up to my elbows,
13:20digging around in a cold, dead body.
13:22This is anatomy.
13:23I take the scalpel or the scissors
13:25and slice through some skin,
13:27some connective tissue.
13:28But often it is easier to just
13:30take my hand and blunt, dissect.
13:33My gloves become slick with fluid,
13:35so much so that I have to change
13:37the midway through the lab.
13:38I cut and pick off that
13:40hair Things on my way,
13:41throw them in the bowl.
13:43The air is thick with the
13:45smell of formaldehyde,
13:45and in the background there
13:47is the sound of the saw.
13:49My team and I joke around.
13:50Listen to reggae tone Pause to
13:52compare the pretty illustrations
13:53on the computer to the colorless
13:55structures in front of us.
13:57This must be the superior
13:59mesoteric artery My friend says
14:01it can't be and my other teammate
14:02says and they go back and
14:03forth for the next couple minutes.
14:06When our time is up, we cover Bob,
14:08our anatomy donor, in a thin sheet,
14:10then a body bag, and then close
14:11the metal table covers over him,
14:13which never failed to make a harsh
14:16loud noise as they bang together.
14:18In the lab, I wash my hands and forearms
14:21like I'm scrubbing into a surgery,
14:23rinse my hands a couple more times in the
14:25bathroom before I leave the building,
14:26and then sanitize my hands
14:28in the car for good measure.
14:30At home, I throw my scrubs in the laundry and
14:32jump in the shower as quickly as possible.
14:34Everything else can wait.
14:35I've got to get the dead off of me.
14:38Only after this ritualistic
14:40cleaning can I pick up my daughter.
14:42When the daycare director asks
14:43How is your day? I think.
14:45What would she say if she
14:47knew what I had done today?
14:48Here there are bright colors and
14:50sweet baby smells and cute voices.
14:52I hug my daughter close to me
14:54and she is warm, tiny, alive.
14:56She's nothing like Bob.
14:58She cries when I try to wipe her nose
15:00and smiles when I give her a kiss.
15:02But of course she is like Bob.
15:04She has the same organs.
15:06Somewhere in her compact body there's
15:08there's a superior musenteric artery.
15:10My daughter's pediatrician has
15:12said babies are fun because you can
15:14feel everything in their abdomens.
15:16I had even tried myself after
15:17the appointment,
15:18pushing on my daughter's belly,
15:19feeling for her intestines,
15:21but I just made her laugh one time.
15:24I didn't have the chance to
15:25shower or change between anatomy
15:27lab and daycare pickup,
15:28and I felt like I contaminated everything
15:30and everyone in the daycare center.
15:32Several months before,
15:33my friend told me she had to reschedule a
15:36date with my daughter and me because she
15:38had to go to a funeral earlier that day.
15:40I don't want to visit a baby
15:41the same day I'm at a cemetery,
15:43you know, she said.
15:44I did know, but there I was,
15:47crossing that line.
15:48I didn't want the babies to
15:49come close to my shoes,
15:50which had perhaps caught a
15:52drop of fluid from the lab.
15:54Because in truth,
15:55the harsher thought is that
15:56Bob was like my daughter once,
15:58this old person whose face I
16:00like to keep covered,
16:01whose tissue I pride apart,
16:03whose heart I had cut out of his body,
16:05was born a baby, had grown up into a boy,
16:07became a man who likely had
16:09children of his own.
16:11It's easier to keep the two separated,
16:13old, young,
16:13alive, dead.
16:14But sometimes there's no
16:15option but to span that bridge.
16:18Thank you
16:36Okay. And our next presenter
16:39is Brooks Lightner.
16:42And Brooks One Second Fries in Art.
16:44And this piece is called Intensive Care,
16:47and you can see it over
16:48there or on the screen.
16:56Thanks everybody for coming and thanks
16:59a lot to the organizers for having
17:01us so my piece is called intensive
17:04care and so I just wrote something
17:06small so I don't just Ramble.
17:09Modern medicine has enabled us to
17:11prolong life, and prevent mortality
17:13in settings of extreme illness.
17:15As I observe patients in the surgical
17:17and medical intensive care units
17:19during my 3rd year clerkships.
17:21I saw medicines machines lines.
17:24And more that took over every
17:27critical bodily function of our
17:29patients with the goal of supporting
17:31the ability to treat the underlying
17:33causes like infections, trauma.
17:35And as I looked at these patients hooked
17:37up to these machines in the settings
17:39of intensive care, I had many thoughts.
17:41Will they ever return to the same
17:44quality of life they had before this?
17:46Are these machines truly temporary
17:49extensions of human Physiology?
17:51Like many patients families,
17:52I thought, how much does all this cost?
17:56As I worked on intensive care,
17:57I wanted to depict the interconnectedness
17:59of all of our organs,
18:01but also the extension of the
18:03vessels that connect our organs
18:05to intricate machinery.
18:06Ultimately,
18:07I found myself truly envisioning
18:09the lines blurring between natural
18:11and artificial human Physiology.
18:13I hope that this portrayal of
18:15intensive care evokes similar
18:16feelings that I had of awe,
18:17uncertainty,
18:18and even uneasiness.
18:20When I was helping perform
18:22neurological exams on my neurology
18:24consult service in the ICU.
18:27Thanks.
18:47Hey, thank you, Brooks.
18:49And our next reader will be Ryan Sutherland.
18:54And Ryan will be reading three poems.
18:58He won second place in the poetry.
19:01Competition.
19:02And two of his other poems
19:03awarded honorable mentions memory,
19:05Rain, and mortality.
19:12So I have a thing about fruit.
19:14I think it's because I'm from Florida,
19:15so tropical fruit, just like,
19:17comes into my poems a lot.
19:19I also read a lot of like.
19:23Well, have you read the poem Persimmons
19:25by Lee Young Lee and stuff like that?
19:27I I went through a persimmons
19:29phase and really enjoyed that poem,
19:30so check it out if you didn't get a chance.
19:32But anyway, this one's called Memory.
19:35It's about that time the mangoes ripen.
19:39The memory is faded.
19:40I cut my hands in the shape to
19:42try and remember the flesh,
19:44the taste, the taste,
19:46the flesh to try and remember I cut my hands.
19:51When I to remember your shape,
19:53when the flesh has been eaten,
19:54the memory ripens.
19:55When only the pit remains, I think about you.
19:59So that was memory.
20:02And then rain.
20:03I was just sort of like,
20:04I think I was like in England and
20:07honestly like that country is just
20:09like completely all all the time.
20:11It just was like nonstop.
20:13And I think I didn't leave the
20:14the my apartment for like days.
20:16And
20:16I was like, you know what, I'm just going
20:17to write a poem about rain and think
20:18about it, you know, some way, but.
20:22Rain shimmering,
20:24cloudbursts plummeting to earth.
20:27Wind tossed each a divine revelation
20:30spilling from distant sky fountains.
20:33See them, see them,
20:35see them spinning through endless blueness.
20:39So many. The universe is just one big
20:42******* soap opera. Can you believe it?
20:44Just yesterday I was mouth egaping,
20:47yawning into thunderous Infinity,
20:48when a humble, wet piece of heaven
20:51struck me square on the cheek.
20:53Sky kissed, I thought,
20:56marveling and melancholic,
20:58wondering why the rain makes us feel so sad?
21:01Are we sad because it falls from the sky?
21:04Each drop the cloud? Orphan.
21:06Alone. Alone. Alone. Alone.
21:09Alone. Or because it's swarms it,
21:12Or because it's swarming orbs glide
21:14into our eyes like summer flies?
21:15Nostalgia.
21:17Or do its beads remind us of their
21:20salty cousins who sometimes visit
21:22our cheeks after heartbreak?
21:23Or skinned knees,
21:25gentle pairs that outline each
21:27constellation of our being before cresting
21:30on our nose tips and tumbling into oblivion.
21:33Or because seeing anything fall so far,
21:35a piece of heaven falling to earth,
21:37makes us think of tumbling Icarus,
21:39sunburnt and screaming,
21:40stupid because his dreams were too grand,
21:44too ambitious.
21:46But perhaps we are sad because
21:48the rain reminds us of ourselves.
21:50Fragile, sentient specks on a single space,
21:53Pearl thrown irreverently,
21:55bang across an acre,
21:58skies colliding, dividing.
22:00Life battered, current suede,
22:02sometimes alone.
22:03Sometimes oceans get all effaced from
22:07the same wet womb called universe.
22:09Say her name. Say her name.
22:11Louder.
22:12Louder perhaps.
22:12It's drops remind us of our aqueous
22:15beginnings as tiny threads of star tinsel
22:18floating ******* merging in an amniotic void.
22:22**** through time becoming
22:24from nothing to something,
22:26some things, someone, someone's.
22:29Because down to earth,
22:31like crystal moths or ticker tape,
22:34rain must have mixed with moon
22:36dust to make us millennia ago,
22:38so long ago, so long ago.
22:40Fish kin, sky brethren,
22:43waterborne.
22:46The last one is a little bit fun,
22:49but it's it's called mortality.
22:52Unmute this. Let's see,
22:53should I mute that There.
23:05Again. OK, perfect.
23:08So this one I I was thinking about
23:09like a Billy Collins poem after it
23:10when I was reading writing this one,
23:13but also thinking about getting older.
23:15I I just turned 29.
23:16So you know it's part of
23:17the part of the package,
23:19but it's called mortality.
23:23I got an advertisement
23:24today in the mail for
23:27preplanning my own cremation.
23:29It said there was a free lunch at
23:31a fancy restaurant to convince
23:33me to think about my demise.
23:35I hadn't eaten yet downtown where
23:38anyone could hear about the benefits
23:40of planning their own cremation,
23:41an affordable option to become dust.
23:44I think I might go and plan my own
23:46cremation and see what is at the buffet.
23:48Life is sometimes long,
23:50but sometimes it is short,
23:53and it seems like a good thing to
23:54do to think of what comes next.
23:56Combustion. I hope there is a salad bar.
23:59I wonder what heaven looks like.
24:27Okay. Thank you Ryan.
24:32You forgot your yeah, these are
24:34your this this big pile is yours.
24:40Okay. So Next up is Mary Pang,
24:443rd place art winner.
24:45And this is called Art and Vision.
24:56Hi, my name is Mary Pay and I'm a second year
24:58MPH Master of Public Health student
25:00in the Department of Social and
25:03Behavioral Sciences. So yeah,
25:04thank you so much for having me here.
25:05So these pieces, they are.
25:08So they come from a study that I
25:10created last year where basically I
25:12interviewed and surveyed patients
25:14with experiences of hallucinations
25:16and mental health conditions.
25:17And I just asked them to describe
25:19their experiences, hallucination.
25:21And I used my graphic design software
25:22to recreate experiences to help
25:24them explore and express, I guess,
25:27their mental health conditions as well
25:29as their, I guess, past experiences.
25:31And I don't want to take away the agency
25:34of the people whose experiences these
25:36pieces were truly going to capture,
25:38because these were creative for them.
25:41And I didn't even see myself as
25:42the artist behind this work.
25:43In a way,
25:44I started think of myself as the medium.
25:47Between the patients and the
25:48experiences or the expressions of
25:50their experiences created for healing.
25:53So yeah,
25:54I guess they just really spoke
25:55to my passion for, I guess,
25:57breaking art in medicine and health.
25:59And I truly believe that artistic
26:02thinking and artistic strategies
26:04and interventions can have a huge
26:06role in promoting mental health
26:08and just psychiatric conditions
26:10and healing in general.
26:12So yeah, I.
26:13I mean,
26:14I wrote descriptions for like
26:16what each piece went like,
26:18the description of everyone's experience.
26:21But I guess I couldn't really show them here.
26:23But.
26:23And I was interested to see like the
26:25actor description behind these pieces.
26:27I just let me know.
26:29I can send you like the website.
26:31These are just seven out the 50
26:33pieces I created because fifty
26:35people were enrolled in my study.
26:38So, yeah, thanks so much for having me here.
26:41Yeah, thank you.
27:00Everybody, everybody is forgetting to
27:02take their very special certificates.
27:10Okay. So I am happy to welcome back
27:14Matthew Ponticello who is going
27:17to read his 2nd place winning.
27:26Pros okay. Disenlightened inner child.
27:33I won't break out at this time.
27:35Thank you. Hi again, I'm Matt.
27:37I was unemployed. Introduce myself.
27:38I'm a first year, I'm DPHD student
27:40and the next
27:41thing I'm reading is
27:42under the category of pros and it
27:45is called Disenlined Inner child.
27:49And again I feel bad.
27:50It's like a darker, sadder piece,
27:51but it's from the perspective of
27:53my best friend who passed away
27:54from a substance use overdose.
27:56And after she passed away,
27:57there were certain moments of,
27:58like me recollecting with people
28:00from her family about what
28:01was true and untrue about her
28:02childhood that she shared with me
28:04and different parts of her life.
28:05So the story is called
28:06Disenlighted in Her Child.
28:06So it's kind of like the
28:07inner monologue of her in
28:08her child as I imagine it.
28:09After she passed away.
28:12Okay
28:14mommy, the therapist asked me if anyone in
28:16my life had ever loved me unconditionally.
28:18I'm starting to make a
28:19list of potential options,
28:20and you're the first person I'm writing down.
28:22Not because I felt it from you,
28:23but because you told me that you were
28:26what unconditional love felt like.
28:27Now she's asking about the first
28:28time I had sex.
28:29She's asking because I told her I'm not
28:31sure I ever knew what good sex felt like.
28:33I think you took that for me when
28:35you punished me for ************.
28:36I was only five years old when I
28:38learned pleasure and joy reserved
28:39for a select few in this world,
28:40and I was not one of them.
28:42Thank you for coming into my room every
28:44morning to make sure I wasn't ************.
28:45That really drove the point home, Mommy,
28:49When did I start having migraines?
28:50We're talking about medication history now,
28:52and I don't remember when they started,
28:53only that I was in second grade and
28:55screaming and crying and you had to
28:57come pick me up from my friend's house.
28:59How could I do this to her?
29:00Was all I could think.
29:01Meaning why was I such a burden
29:02to my own mother?
29:03Do you remember Cupcake Wars, Mommy?
29:05Those were fun.
29:06My friends would come over
29:08and we'd big cupcake towers.
29:09I always ask you to be the judge because
29:11you are so good at making things beautiful.
29:13The eggs you'd make for breakfast
29:15are Christmas cards you made
29:16by hand my whole life. Really.
29:18Also made by your hands.
29:20My life with you sparkled and shined.
29:21It dripped gold.
29:22Maybe that's why life after you
29:24didn't pan out as we had hoped.
29:25I needed adoration and adornment,
29:27not broken hearted and stripped naked.
29:30Mommy, the psychiatrist is using
29:32words like bipolar and borderline now.
29:34I'm not sure what they mean.
29:36I don't know if I am bipolar.
29:38When that man spread my legs,
29:39it felt like he was splitting me in 2.
29:41Is that what they're calling bipolar?
29:43But that was just sex.
29:44Or I'm sorry, rape.
29:45I learned in my gender studies
29:47class that sex assumes consent.
29:48I don't think that consent was there.
29:50Was it? I'm not sure.
29:52Did I say man, I meant men.
29:54There was more than one.
29:55More than one man who raped me.
29:58Mommy, they're asking so many questions.
29:59I'm not anorexic.
30:01I just can't eat.
30:02It feels like sandpaper when
30:03I try to swallow.
30:04My therapist keeps asking me what they did
30:06to me and I can't bring myself to tell her.
30:08Saying it out loud will only
30:10make it more real.
30:12Mommy, you told me once that
30:13I'm a parenting failure.
30:14Is this what you meant?
30:16Mommy, I'm so scared.
30:18I didn't know it was fentanyl.
30:20Mommy,
30:20I told them that I wanted Xanax and
30:22that Oxycontin gives me tummy aches.
30:23That he insisted.
30:24I was so sad that night because I
30:26had a party and no one had come.
30:28I was so alone.
30:29I am so alone. Mommy, please.
30:32I am so sorry and scared.
30:33I didn't know it was fentanyl.
30:35I am so afraid of dying. Mommy.
30:38It all happened so quick.
30:39I couldn't tell you which breath was my last.
30:42Mommy, there is no God on
30:43this side of the river.
30:44But my God, it is beautiful.
30:46I drink my coffee black here
30:48and it tastes like cinnamon.
30:50I can eat again,
30:51although nothing tastes
30:52as good as your cooking.
30:54Thank you.
31:23So as you can see, this next piece is
31:27called Suture and Stitch by Kayori Sattam,
31:29who won an honorable mention in art and
31:34who is somewhere far away at the moment.
31:36And so she sent me a paragraph
31:38for me to read about it.
31:42Much like embroidery requires
31:44needle and thread, so does
31:46surgery with needle and suture.
31:48This piece is a femoral
31:49artery Exposure embroidered.
31:51The artistry of carefully placing
31:53each stitch in the fabric aims to
31:56parallel the careful sutures placed
31:58by surgeons in the operating room.
32:00Art and medicine intersect
32:13Okay and next we have a Christina Igia.
32:17Who will be reading her poem
32:20in an American pandemic?
32:36Hello everyone, my name is
32:37Christina. I'm a second year
32:39MPH student at the School of Public Health.
32:42To give a little context for this poem,
32:45I wrote this during in spring of 2020, which
32:48as everyone knows was the
32:50beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic.
32:52And I won't spoil too much, but.
32:57These are basically two poems
32:58that can be read as one,
33:00and so I would like for everyone to try
33:02and listen very carefully and draw,
33:05you know, like figurative and
33:08literal parallels between stanzas
33:10or even perhaps single line.
33:12So this is called
33:15in an American pandemic.
33:20On March 6th, 1900, a Chinese man dies
33:23of bubonic plague in the basement of
33:26a hotel in San Francisco Chinatown.
33:29A day later, city authorities surround the
33:31neighborhood with a single cord of rope.
33:34I imagine it yellow like caution tape.
33:37Before America's eyes,
33:39Chinatown transforms into a
33:41cage for sick rats and ********.
33:44Slowly, it becomes difficult
33:47to distinguish between them.
33:49In an American pandemic,
33:52person mutates into pathogen,
33:54we evolves into them,
33:55and they are no longer human.
33:59On an advertisement for rat poison
34:02caricature of a Chinese man
34:04swallows a rat no his species hole.
34:07It clears out rats, mice, bedbugs,
34:10flies, roaches and Chinese they must go.
34:13A pamphlet distributed to San
34:15Francisco householders suggest
34:17large cage traps for killing.
34:19Bait to be changed daily between cheese,
34:22fish heads, chicken heads,
34:23fried bacon, fresh liver and pine nuts.
34:27A few ******** would have no
34:30perceptible effect.
34:31They could be easily digested
34:32by the national stomach.
34:34But multiply units by millions and the
34:38matter becomes exceedingly serious.
34:40Physicians call it an oriental disease.
34:44Of 167 cases of plague reported
34:46in a single month,
34:48only eight of its victims were Chinese.
34:52Public health officials in Honolulu
34:54decide Chinatown must be purified
34:57by fire devoted to its nation.
34:59The ocean breeze blows a
35:02little harder that day.
35:04A geyser of burning embers grows 60
35:06feet tall, and Chinatown loses temples,
35:10churches, theaters, warehouses,
35:11stores.
35:11I read about how women with strained
35:14eyes and tears rolling down their cheeks
35:17clung to little children and babes,
35:19and I think about my mother.
35:22After the fire,
35:23there was only smoke and rubble,
35:26No baptism instead.
35:28Chinatown was rebuilt with the building
35:31standing just a little further apart.
35:38On January 11th, 2020, Chinese state media
35:41report the first death from COVID-19.
35:4420 days later, a French newspaper
35:48flings 128 point font across
35:50an image of a Chinese woman
35:52wearing a polyester purple mask,
35:54commanding the nation's
35:55attention to the Yellow Alert.
35:59Another headline interrogates the world.
36:01New Yellow Peril,
36:02and in America's mind the woman,
36:04her name and personhood
36:06hidden behind the mask,
36:07denatures into an anonymous synonym
36:10for sickness and radiates the color
36:13of the sun in an American pandemic.
36:16Person mutates into pathogen,
36:18we evolves into them,
36:20and they are no longer human.
36:23A dazzling scanning electron
36:25microscope image shows the virus
36:27emerging from the surface of
36:29human cells in a vivid yellow,
36:31the same as the skin tone of a slant
36:33eyed buck tooth caricature of an
36:35Asian woman with the spherical virus
36:38replacing her breasts and bugs,
36:40a frog leg,
36:41a fishtail hanging out of her mouth and skin,
36:43Penguins in each hand.
36:46Did you know that viruses are not alive?
36:51They infect and replicate themselves
36:53inside cells until there are enough of
36:56them to explode from the host and kill it.
37:00The president calls it the Chinese virus.
37:02As American bodies pile into trucks parked
37:05outside of a Funeral Home in Brooklyn.
37:08In the Bronx,
37:094 teenage girls assault a
37:11middle-aged Asian woman on the bus.
37:13They tell her that she caused coronavirus
37:16and I think about my mother someday.
37:20After this pestilence fades
37:22into national memory,
37:24they will speak of how
37:26they waited for locusts,
37:27for flies and frogs and
37:29water turning into blood.
37:31And they will laugh on the subway.
37:35We will stand just a little further apart,
38:00Thank you, Christina Okay.
38:02Next up is Rose. Bender.
38:08And Rose will be reading a piece
38:10called 900. And she won an honorable
38:12mention in Rose. Thank you. Hi,
38:17everyone. So more accurately,
38:19I will be reading a very short excerpt.
38:23From a much longer story called 900,
38:26so I hope not too many plot pieces
38:28are missing, but quick context.
38:31It's narrated by a paramedic.
38:33It's about an ambulance that tries to.
38:36I don't want to give too many spoilers,
38:38and it may or may not be
38:40based on my experiences as an
38:45EMTI nearly tripped over the
38:46dangling seatbelts as I hoisted
38:48Tony onto the stretcher.
38:49I peeked at Tony's face and monitor.
38:51Both were looking better.
38:53Breathing was still
38:53labored and a bit shallow,
38:55but his lips regained their pinkness,
38:56and his sacks were up from the
38:5970s to the low 80s, Stable now.
39:01We secured him to the stretcher,
39:03rolled him out to 900,
39:04and hoisted him up.
39:06Sorry for the bumps,
39:07I said to Tony as I pushed the
39:09stretcher through the back doors,
39:10my force on his wobbly wheels
39:12knocking it a couple times
39:13against the walls of the truck.
39:15Roger narrowed his eyes at me,
39:16then stared into 900,
39:18running his hands over her
39:19freshly decontaminated steel floor
39:21before climbing into the front.
39:23He started her,
39:24and the loading mechanism clamped down
39:25on Tony's stretcher, locking it to 900.
39:28The bench seat ground.
39:30I called up front.
39:31Mercy Hospital make it a priority too.
39:34I heard the blink of acknowledgement
39:36as 900 shifted into drive.
39:38I had just clicked open to my my
39:39pen start writing my run form when a
39:42sound startled me out of my charting
39:44that rusty air whistle again.
39:45The balloon is flooded back
39:47into Tony's hands and lips and
39:48his sat stove into the 70s.
39:50Hang on Tony, I got you, I said.
39:51I turned to the front and yelled.
39:53Hey Roger, make that a priority one, will ya?
39:55The siren screamed in response,
39:57and the sudden acceleration
39:58nearly made me lose my footing.
40:00Tony's whole body jiggled as we hit
40:02every bump and pothole on the road.
40:04I fumbled with my keys in the lock,
40:05the ALS cabinet to get another net.
40:08*** ** * ***** I mumbled as I turned the key.
40:10That same rigidity met my rest,
40:12like met my wrist like a tightened handcuff.
40:15For a moment I considered asking
40:17Roger to stop the truck. But how?
40:19Stop the truck so the cabinet
40:21would maybe open.
40:22No way, I thought.
40:23He'll think I'm a ***** and
40:25it probably won't work.
40:25Anyway,
40:26I stumbled for telling myself it was
40:28a sticky lock and opted for CPAP.
40:30At least that was a BLS skill,
40:31so the cabinet had no lock.
40:34I'm going to give you a mask
40:35to help you breathe.
40:36OKI reached over Tony's head to
40:37grab the big metal sliding handle.
40:39It'll I felt my whole body lock up.
40:42The CPAP door was
40:43stuck shut too. Out
40:45the back window I saw cars fade
40:47into the distance behind us.
40:48Hold over to let us pass.
40:50We were approaching the highway now
40:51and there would be no stopping.
40:53Maybe he'd be okay on just
40:55oxygen for the next few minutes.
40:56I looked at Tony's NRV, the reservoir bag.
40:59The reservoir bag was flat,
41:01suffocating him.
41:01I yanked it off and checked
41:03the main oxygen tanks outlet.
41:05Not even a whisper of gas.
41:07I switched to the stretcher oxygen,
41:08then the one from the first in bag.
41:10Still silence. Tony grew blur.
41:13His breathing got shallower.
41:14His stocks kept falling
41:18727067. He was going to
41:20stop breathing any second.
41:22I pulled the BVM out of the first in bag,
41:24dug my nails into the plastic wrapper,
41:26tearing it apart.
41:27I shoved the back of the stretcher
41:28down and pressed the mask
41:29into Tony's pale, cold face.
41:31I squeezed the bag to give a breath.
41:33His chest rose smooth and heavy.
41:35Again, a breath chest rise and fall.
41:38This is fine.
41:39I can bag him all the way to the hospital.
41:42Muscle memory took over and the
41:44familiar task of uncomplicated
41:45bagging returned my own
41:46respiratory rate closer to normal.
41:49I had this call made me so panicky.
41:50It was just an oxygen issue and a
41:53door issue and a well, things happen.
41:55I'll bring some WD-40 next time.
41:57I moved my hand down to his carotid for
41:59a pulse check, and I nearly screamed.
42:02Instead of skin, I felt something
42:03cold and stringy and smooth,
42:05as if his neck had morphed
42:06into a tangle of tiny snakes.
42:08When I lifted the mask from Tony's face,
42:10I saw it. The tubing of the BBM
42:12had wrapped around Tony's neck,
42:14not just once, but three times.
42:16Snuggly. On what end?
42:17It had tied itself to the stretcher
42:19frame next to his head and on the
42:21other end to the cabinet sliding
42:22door handle opposite his feet.
42:24I dropped the VDM and fumbled with my
42:26pants snaps to grab my trauma shears.
42:28As I moved to cut the tubing,
42:30900 shut off the interior lights,
42:32the on and off glow from passing St.
42:34lamps,
42:35and our own red and blue light
42:36reflections lit the interior like
42:38a strobe light at the world's
42:39deadliest dance party.
42:40The lights disoriented me,
42:42but only for a moment.
42:44900 turned on just one light
42:45above the cabinet where the tube
42:47was fastened to help me cut.
42:48I moved in with my trauma shears,
42:50but the Ivy pull from the stretcher
42:52swung up and knocked them from my hands.
42:55900 snow change Jingle below,
42:56as if to laugh at me.
42:58Then she yanked the cabinet open,
42:59pulling the tubing tight around Tony's neck.
43:02Any rudimentary breathing he had
43:03had before was squeezed out of him.
43:05His face turned bright red,
43:07then purple, then blue. Roger.
43:10What?
43:10Stop the truck?
43:11We had already started pulling off
43:13the exit ramp towards the hospital as
43:15900 rolled up towards the red light.
43:18I climbed up to the window that
43:19separates the patient area from
43:21the cab and shoved my body through.
43:22Don't ******* move, I said to him.
43:24Roger glanced at me strangely,
43:26unsurprised to see the front half
43:27of his paramedic partner hanging
43:29out from the separator window.
43:31I yanked the gear shift into park,
43:32killed the engine, and grabbed the keys.
43:34It was as if someone had twisted
43:36every faucet in a bathhouse.
43:38The hiss of four still open
43:40oxygen bottles filled the truck
43:41as they released the gas at the
43:43at their highest floor rate.
43:44I didn't even bother with the mask.
43:46I picked up a bottle and rested
43:48it on Tony's lap.
43:49The outlet pointed towards his blue face.
43:51I connected another BVM and
43:53got in as many ventilations as
43:54I could before Roger climbed
43:56through the back doors wordlessly.
43:58He held out his hands for the keys.
44:00I ignored him and walked out
44:02through the back to drive 900 the
44:04rest of the way to the hospital.
44:06That's the end of this excerpt.
44:33So we have one more piece
44:36and please don't leave.
44:41Okay. Fine.
44:44We wanted to get a group picture
44:47of everybody who did this.
44:49But you want to do it now before.
44:52Yeah, let's do it now.
44:55OK. So all presenters
44:59quickly gather and then we'll hear from Anki.
46:04OK,
46:08OK, Anky.
46:11We want an honorable mention in the
46:14art category and she will tell us
46:16about her piece called Cigarettes. Yes,
46:24thank you so much all. So this is my
46:28series about the cigarette. So this
46:29is the first part
46:30and this is the Part 2.
46:33So this is a series of my friend
46:34and I create during the pandemic.
46:36Those are cigarette
46:37that we might or might not smoke. And
46:43yeah, so these serious
46:45adults into their relationship between
46:47the cigarettes and the anxiety issues
46:50through my lens and I seek to convey
46:52the emotional turmoil that those
46:54struggling with the mental illness
46:56often face and how these cigarettes
46:59become a crutch to cope with the pain.
47:02And each photo is a glimpse into the mind
47:04of someone as the person document their
47:07thoughts at the moment and smoke away
47:09through the cigarette. And
47:11this photo series aim to spark the
47:14conversation and probably potentially
47:16encourage a greater understanding
47:18of the complex relationship between
47:20anxiety and a cigarette smoking.
47:23And I truly hope this work would not
47:25only rise awareness of this issue,
47:27but also inspired those recent side
47:29issue to seek support that they
47:31need and to lead a healthier life.
47:33Yeah. Thank you so much.
47:51Thank you, everybody. We ended a
47:53little bit early because two people
47:55couldn't be here, Sydney Steele and
48:00and Kristen Brockler.
48:03Both who are pros winners.
48:07We hope that a lot of these pieces
48:09will appear in some future issue
48:11of the Medical Student and health
48:14profession Students Magazine Literary
48:16and art magazine called Murmurs.
48:17So stay tuned for that.
48:19And Abby is here to write about
48:23this event, so talk to Abby.
48:27And yeah, thank you all.
48:29That was like, it's so different to read
48:31and look at these things versus hearing
48:34you speak them out loud and they just kind
48:36of come to life and really like each one.
48:38I was just like I didn't want it,
48:40you know, kind of emote in between.
48:43But really, really wonderful, profound,
48:46beautiful pieces that you all have created.
48:49So thank you for sharing them with
48:51us and really a lot of you for just
48:53like putting your your full self.
48:55Into it and and out there in public,
48:57which is not easy.
48:57So thank you for doing that.
48:59And it's really, really meaningful.
49:01And yeah, thank you.
49:03Thank you all for coming.