Emotion Regulation is the Linchpin for Mental Health

Describing life as an emotional rollercoaster is an understatement. Our personal and professional worlds are rife with relationships and situations that evoke a wide range of emotions—some feel great, and others feel downright awful. How we navigate them shapes our health and well-being over time. Here’s the good news: we can learn how to deal with feelings so that they work for us and not against us. In his new book, Dealing with Feeling, Marc Brackett, PhD, founding director of Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and professor at Yale Child Study Center has the framework to get us there.

What is emotion regulation?

Emotion regulation is a set of learned intentional skills for managing feelings wisely. It’s not something we’re born knowing how to do—children and adults alike need modeling, instruction, and practice. Temperament may influence how reactive we are, but regulation itself is learned.

At its core, effective regulation means choosing responses that align with our goals and values—whether calming down before a big meeting, reframing a negative thought, or expressing frustration in a constructive way with a family member.

There are two sides to emotion regulation: self-regulation (managing our own emotions) and co-regulation (helping others manage theirs). Both are essential for healthy relationships, learning, leadership, and well-being. Importantly, regulation doesn’t eliminate painful feelings—it teaches us to respond intelligently rather than react impulsively, which can make the difference between spiraling into destructive cycles and finding constructive, value-driven paths forward.

What’s the cost of dysregulation?

Emotion dysregulation is costly. When we rely on maladaptive strategies—like rumination, avoidance suppression or yelling and aggression—we increase our risk for anxiety, depression, substance misuse, and other health problems.

Suppression, for example, impairs memory and decision-making and takes a toll on our cognitive resources.

Dysregulation also undermines our relationships, disrupts sleep, strains our cardiovascular health, and diminishes our performance at school and work. In short, when we can’t regulate our feelings, every part of life suffers.

How do we develop better emotion regulation skills?

We begin with awareness. You can’t regulate what you don’t recognize, so it starts with accurately labeling emotions, not using vague words. From there, we build a toolkit:

• Calming the body through breathing, mindfulness, movement, or relaxation.

• Shifting thoughts with strategies like reframing or perspective-taking.

• Seeking support by connecting with trusted “emotional allies”.

• Caring for the body through sleep, nutrition, and exercise.

How can adults learn to regulate emotions—especially if this is new?

The science is clear: regulation is learnable at any age. Adults can practice self-reflection—tuning into emotional shifts, noticing patterns, and evaluating the impact of their strategies. Even small shifts like pausing before reacting, using reappraisal instead of rumination, or adopting mindfulness practices can create meaningful change. Surrounding ourselves with emotionally intelligent peers and partners also helps us practice and reinforce these skills.

How can we help kids regulate their emotions?

Children need modeling, coaching, and supportive environments. Adults can show what healthy regulation looks like by naming emotions, calming themselves when overwhelmed or frustrated, and demonstrating that feelings are signals, not problems.

Explicit teaching is equally important. Kids thrive when they’re given structured opportunities to practice recognizing, understanding, labeling, expressing, and regulating emotions. They must be taught the full range of emotion regulation strategies. Just as we wouldn’t expect children to do algebra without instruction, we shouldn’t expect them to regulate emotions without guidance and practice.

How do we make all of this practical?

The key is to embed emotion skills into daily life. That means building routines: taking mindful pauses, checking in as families or teams, using emotion words regularly, and treating sleep, nutrition, and movement as part of our regulation toolkit. At the organizational level, schools and workplaces can integrate evidence-based practices into their cultures. Most importantly, we approach regulation like physical fitness: it requires consistency, not perfection—an ongoing practice rather than a one-time fix.

Can learning emotion regulation help with mental health? How?

Yes. Effective emotion regulation is a cornerstone of mental health. Calming the body reduces anxiety and anger. Reframing thoughts buffers against depression. Expressing emotions wisely prevents bottling them up, which is linked to stress and poorer health.

And building a repertoire of healthy strategies gives us a sense of agency and confidence—powerful protective factors against mental illness. Regulation doesn’t erase pain, but it allows us to navigate life’s challenges with greater resilience and stability.

What do you hope for those who read Dealing with Feeling?

My hope is that readers walk away convinced that:

• Emotion regulation is not a luxury skill—it’s a core life skill.

• Regulating emotions means not just hiding or ignoring them. It is about understanding and managing them wisely. This helps us reach our goals and stay true to our values.

• These skills are learnable at any age, and even small, intentional changes can transform how we lead, parent, teach, and love.

• Emotions are not obstacles but data—signals about our needs, our relationships, and our environment. When we work with them wisely, we make better decisions, build stronger connections, and safeguard our mental health.

Ultimately, I hope Dealing with Feeling inspires people to become more emotionally intelligent role models in their communities—people who not only regulate their own emotions but also help others do the same. That’s how we create healthier schools, workplaces, families, and societies.