Loretta J. Ross on “Calling In” with Compassion

“You can mean what you say, and say what you mean — but you don’t have to say it mean.”

Typical of her talent for expressing complex ideas in a relatable fashion, Loretta J. Ross shared anecdotes and insights illustrating the techniques in her book, “Calling In: How to Start Making Change with Those You’d Rather Cancel.” Her talk on March 11, 2026, part of the Perspectives for Inclusion lecture series, drew members of the Yale community into a discussion about self-reflection, setting realistic expectations, and fostering positive change through constructive dialogue.

Ross has engaged in human rights advocacy since the 1970s and is a highly sought-after strategist, advising leaders and institutions who wish to foster deeper understanding across differences and create more resilient communities. Ross recently served as a visiting professor at Yale School of Nursing and is currently an associate professor of the study of women and gender at Smith College. Recognitions of her expertise include a 2022 MacArthur “Genius” Fellowship and 2023 induction into the National Women’s Hall of Fame.

The conversation was moderated by Darin Latimore, MD, deputy dean for the YSM Office of Collaborative Excellence (OCE), who commented later, “We are so fortunate to hear directly from Professor Ross at this moment in time, just as OCE is in the planning stages of developing initiatives under the umbrella of Cultivating Conversation. Although her expertise comes from lived experiences and deep empathy, her approach gives all of us a place to begin when engaging in conversations across differences.”

While her book includes personal stories that vividly illustrate her evolution over a lifetime, Ross’s lecture focused on the Calling In technique, the “5 Cs” spectrum of accountability; Calling out, Cancelling, Calling In, Calling On, and Calling It Off.

Ross highlighted that the current culture of “calling out” through public humiliation and “canceling” are misguided because they shut down the potential for mutual understanding. On the other hand, “calling in,” begins with self-reflection and the recognition that all individuals are as contradictory, well-meaning, and flawed as ourselves. Then, we can start with what we have in common and foster a conversation on what we see differently.

On the topic of fostering empathy, Ross noted, “One diversity we’ve neglected is experiential diversity. Every human being has been through something different and therefore thinks differently. We act like, if someone doesn’t think like we think, there’s something wrong with them,” she added, “when really, they’re just part of the continuum of humanity. We perceive difference as a threat.”

She discussed real-world examples of navigating different types of relationships, from family members where it may be possible to find shared values across political differences, to workplace situations where leaders might feel the need to defend their authority, rather than hearing the substance of what is said.

“We want to promote reflection rather than backlash. Avoid humiliating people. Preserve the possibility of their moral agency and honor their ability to think for themselves.” She added that, “if we indulge in that momentary satisfaction [of calling out],” we are more likely to push people further away. “People naturally want a sense of belonging.”

She clarified that extending grace to others still includes accountability, and begins with self-forgiveness, especially for those who were raised to expect punishment or shame for making a mistake. “Invest in others and give them time to reflect and repair, the same way you were offered that chance,” Ross said. “We have the benefit of our curiosity and generosity,” both essential components to a calling in culture.

A member of the audience asked, “Is ‘Calling In’ about one person growing, or a lot of people growing together?” to which Ross responded, “Calling in is not about what you do for others, but what you do for yourself. Displaying your integrity and emotional intelligence everywhere you go … and that even though you are hurt, you’re choosing not to hurt them.”

Ross encouraged modeling this behavior to people who have been hurt, saying, “You can show them how fulfilling it can be to work on the right side of justice, becoming more than you ever thought you could be, and not letting the trauma define you. They can experience more joy, freedom, and acceptance in their imperfect selves.”

An audience member asked about the responsibility each person carries. Ross reflected, “In the Civil Rights Movement, there's a saying about the chain of freedom. It stretches back towards your ancestors, and forward towards your descendants. You're not responsible for the entire chain.

“You just have to make sure it doesn't break at your link—through despair, apathy, hopelessness, cynicism—those are the things that threaten your link. So,” Ross concluded, “reduce the size of the task. The future and the past are already taken care of. Just don't give up on your link.”

This Perspectives for Inclusion lecture was sponsored by the Office of Collaborative Excellence.

The YSM Office of Collaborative Excellence (OCE) is hosting a number of offerings. Members of the Yale community are welcome to join.

Calling In Book Club

Join us for 5 sessions exploring Loretta J. Ross’s book, “Calling In.” Please attend as many sessions as possible.

Tuesdays, March 31 to June 2, noon – 1 p.m., on Zoom.

Open to the Yale community. Register for the book club.

Asking Questions workshop

Asking constructive questions can help diffuse conflict and is key to building trust, reducing defensiveness, and sparking creativity in a conversation. This 60-minute session will give you tools to develop and ask effective questions that de-escalate tension and open up meaningful conversation.

In-person: Weds., April 8, 11:30 a.m. – 12:30 p.m.

Zoom: Thurs., April 16, 3:00 – 4:00 p.m.

Open to the Yale community. Register for the Asking Questions workshop.

CoCo Fridays

Short for “Community Conversations,” these monthly gatherings offer a welcoming space to connect, reflect, and engage around topics that strengthen, nurture, and grow our YSM community.

First working Friday of each month, 11:00 a.m. – noon, on Zoom.

Open to the Yale community. Register for CoCo Fridays.