At long last, we’ve resolved the most profound ethical dilemma facing our residency since Paul Beeson departed for Oxford in 1965: What should we eat for lunch?
As you know, several residents have raised penetrating philosophical questions about chicken sandwiches, compounding those explored previously by yours truly. What are the moral implications of our lunch menu? How does it impact global warming? What about world peace? Or the future of the universe? Or poultry welfare? Can we still practice medicine with these issues unresolved?
But as you also know, most residents like chicken sandwiches. Especially with barbecue sauce.
The Executive Council met for eleven hours on Thursday night, behind locked doors, engaged in heated debate, seeking answers in ancient scrolls, beseeching the gods, chanting traditional hymns, and binge watching the Food Channel. Some residents ate Panera. Others refrained- their stomachs growling in painful protest.
Finally, in yet another display of the intellectual heft for which our residency is renowned, the dilemma was resolved. The solution was Solomonic in its wisdom, and its implications will reverberate throughout GME, not just at Yale, but across the nation. Henceforth, we will no longer serve chicken at Yale. Or turkey. We will eat quail.
To those of you palming your faces in disbelief, I have only one thing to say: You’re welcome...
And now, like spring showers, may peace rain down upon our residency.
Welcome to April, everyone,