We unexpectedly received notice this morning about a special elective opportunity:
The White House seeks a qualified individual to serve as Executive Intern to the President of the United States, beginning immediately. Responsibilities will be half policy-creation, half clinical. Over a two week block, the Intern will restructure the American healthcare system. The Intern’s policy must be placed within a 1/4 inch spiral binder, containing a glossy cover photo of the President wearing a white coat, holding a cup of coffee, and appearing concerned about the nation’s health. Policy details will be left to the Intern’s discretion and may be based on lessons learned during his or her PGY1 year. The policy’s last page should include a half-inch space for the President’s signature.
The Intern’s clinical responsibilities will include performing thorough physical and cognitive evaluations on selected members of the White House staff, including but not necessarily limited to those responsible for Executive Orders. The Intern’s findings will be presented at a special morning report to be held before a joint session of Congress, at which time the Intern will be asked to provide recommendations for disposition, which may include discharge or transfer to an outside institution.
If any of you wish to apply for this Special White House Internship, please send me a paragraph by the end of today, April 1, extolling your virtues and special qualifications. If you wish, you may hand deliver your application to me. I’ll be rounding in the MICU, but feel free to interrupt.
Your Program Director