“Some men see things as they are, and ask why. I dream of things that never were, and ask why not.”
“Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.”
This year’s interns have done all that is humanly possible. Which is a problem since medicine demands more.
To address this concern, I am announcing this morning that next year’s interns will include 7 non-humans: 4 dogs, 2 chinchillas, and a cat.
By recruiting non-human interns, we will explode the boundaries of medical training. We will be adding new electives (chewing, fetching, sniffing), new modes of communication (jargon out, barking in), and new lunch options (tuna, carrots, poultry parts).
As far as we know, none of these interns will have medical degrees, but they will compensate for their lack of knowledge with a better sense of smell.
Here they are (see attached):
For supporting these innovations in medical education, we extend our thanks to the ACGME, ABIM, ACP, and ASPCA.
Like all Yale residents, our new interns will be “as good as any, softer than most.”
Happy April, everyone,
P.S. I’ll be in the MICU this weekend, working with humans.